Never Go To A Stark Party

Chapter 16

"You want me to what?" Bucky asked incredulously, his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He didn't hear her right, he couldn't have heard her right. She wanted him to carry a baby--his and Steve's baby--for her and Bruce?

Natasha sighed, the sound sheepish. "I completely understand if you don't want to, James. I know it's asking a lot of you."

Bucky quickly nodded in agreement; it was. But then...he stopped staring at her in disbelief. It...honestly didn't sound that bad--once he thought objectively about it. Natasha and Bruce deserved to have a family of their own, the fact that the redhead wanted him to help start it meant more than she knew. It was a definite self-esteem booster, as he didn't have too much faith in himself nowadays. At least someone other than Steve still trusted him.

"It's not that! I just..." He looked up at her, unsure. "I need to talk this over with Steve."

Natasha nodded immediately. Just hearing him say he would talk it over sent her heart racing. She was never much of a dreamer--she'd never been one, actually--but the man had just opened a whole new world of possibilities for her and Bruce; she couldn't help but fantasize.

"Of course, James." She pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek before she stood up. As if she had been planning it, Steve entered the room, and she began to bid her farewells.

"Talk to you later." She flashed Bucky a wink before giving Steve a pat on the shoulder as he walked by and then leaving.

Steve sat next to the brunette gingerly, a cup of coffee in his hand. As he took a sip from his cup, he looked over at Bucky in a curious manner. "What was that about?" He questioned, completely oblivious to the things Natasha and his lover had just talked about.

Bucky slowly looked over at Steve, unable to hide the awestruck look in his eyes, and gripped his free hand. "I..." He looked back away quickly, though he kept his hand on Steve's. As he thought over what he was going to say, he squeezed the other's fingers tightly.

As oblivious as Steve may have been about everything else, he could at least tell that Bucky was anxious. It was, after all, fairly obvious.

"Stevie, um..." Bucky began hesitantly, teeth nearly grinding his plump, bottom lip, before he trailed off. Steve only watched him patiently, his eyes' comforting gaze slowing the brunette's heart rate a bit once he finally looked at him. Leave it to Steve to calm him down with just a look...

"Nat, she...She asked me somethin'. Something fucking big and I need your help on answering her." The fact that he had managed to utter the words out surprised Bucky, and it left him breathless as he waited for Steve's nod of approval. Steve simply stared at him in confusion, his odd look enough to let Bucky know he could continue.

"She asked me to carry the fucking baby." Bucky watched him critically as the words left his mouth, almost as if he was speaking in slow motion. He could hear the words leak out, coated in his voice, and could even hear the damn adrenaline rushing through his veins, but couldn't comprehend just what they meant still.

What the fuck was Steve going to say?... Well, Bucky didn't actually want to know, so he decided to keep talking. "Her and Bruce are going to retire, and you already know how Natasha can't have kids, so they think we should..." A heavy intake of breath, a pause, and then Bucky continued once more, "They want us to carry the baby for them so they can have their own family."

It was like confessing he was pregnant all over again; Steve was staring at him in disbelief, and Bucky's heart was racing erratically. His thoughts were nearly identical to what they were before. Was Steve going to believe him? Would he reject the idea? If he did then....what would Natasha say?

That was what Bucky was afraid of most. He didn't ever want to see Natasha wearing a look of disappointment, let alone be the cause of it. She had helped him out far too much for him to just let her down. So...praying to whoever the fuck was up there, Bucky wished for Steve to say yes--even if he himself hadn't yet made a decision.

"I..." Steve slowly began, causing Bucky's attention to shoot to him fully. The blonde man chuckled softly, the sound a bit pressured, before giving him his best smile. "I think...well, I think it's up to you."

To say that Steve's response surprised him would have been an understatement. It fucking shocked him. It was his choice? Only his?

Bucky stared at his blonde lover incredulously. He couldn't believe it. Steve really had nothing to say?

"You..." He said softly, his tone borderline angry, "You don't have anything to say? It's just my decision?"

Steve, having always been more than adept at knowing Bucky's emotions, heard the annoyance in his voice easily and brought his hand to the man's shoulder in an attempt to calm him. "Yeah, Buck...It's not my decision. It's not my body."

"No, it's not, but it is your damn kid!" Bucky ripped his shoulder away from Steve with a glare and then shot up. A bad decision, really, because as soon as he did that, a wave of nausea hit him. He ignored it though, his anger at Steve outweighing any other feeling he was having. "You don't have anything to say?! You're just going to let me decide?!"

The veteran's sudden mood change didn't go unnoticed by Steve. If it did, then Steve would have had to be blind and deaf. Nonetheless, it was worrying how strong and erratic Bucky's mood changes were, but he decided to pass it off as symptoms of the pregnancy. A pregnancy that was causing both of them a lot of stress, actually.

"Buck, I can't choose this for you. If you want to keep the baby for them, then you can do that, and I'll support you wholeheartedly. If you want to get an abortion, I'll still support you. You know where I stand on this subject, anyway."

"I do, Steve, but it's not enough! I don't want to be the only person making this decision! I'm not the person who fucking planted the seed, Steve. I'm just the fucking--the soil! The soil, Steve! Nat and Bruce could be the gardeners, but that's not my decision..." With a heavy huff, Bucky looked up at Steve, who had stood up a few moments prior, in frustration. Whatever the fuck he had just blurted out, he hoped would make Steve understand how important he thought his opinion was. 

"They could be the people we make a flower for...but I don't want to be the one who makes that decision alone. I need you, Stevie...You're the one who fucking put me in this position, so help me out." An exhausted sigh left Bucky once he finished, one that wracked his entire body with fatigue.

If it wasn't enough that he was nauseous, he was also tired; tired of feeling sick, tired of having to deal with shit even after he escaped HYDRA, tired of being pregnant--tired of everything.

All he wanted was Steve's opinion on this, was that so much to ask for?

Collapsing back onto the couch when another burst of exhaustion flooded through him, Bucky groaned. This was getting old. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was just tired, that was all...

Sensing this easily, Steve slowly sat back next to him and let his own small sigh out.

"I'm sorry I'm making this so hard on you, Bucky." He then began to rub his shoulder soothingly, continuing with his apology. "I promise I'll step up and take on the role I have. I'm the baby's dad, I'm sorry I'm not acting like I am."

Slowly, Bucky turned his head so that he could face him. He remained silent, which was a cue for Steve to continue to apologize. The blonde let a soft laugh leave him before he proceeded to do just that.

"I think you should--I think we should keep the baby. Natasha and Bruce deserve to have their own family, especially if they're trying to quit the superhero life. Let's do that for them." Steve smiled warmly at Bucky as he then moved his hand to his belly. The ex-assassin looked at him with wide eyes.

"Really...?"

Steve laughed again, though a lot louder and more carefree. "Yeah. Besides," He leaned into Bucky's neck and pressed a few kisses against his jaw and nape. "It'd be nice to see what they're going to look like, don't you think?"

He looked up at the gruff man from his spot at his neck and smiled adoringly. Bucky blushed from his look and only nodded.

"Yeah...It would. I hope they have your eyes."

"I hope they have your lips."