The Stalker-- sorry My Stalker

Chapter 37: Blue

This chapter just keeps getting longer and longer if I don't post it now the chapter is going to be like 10,000 words. Oh well.

Read if you dare—
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His eyes were on me. Hypnotic blue crystals staring at me in confusion. As I was indecisive as well.

I didn't think I was at all. I think I'm in a state of pure— Comprehension.
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When I first met you—what did I see in those blue marbles?

The eyes that hold me captive both mentally and physically—

Was it the pain or the beauty?

The new life I was forced to create unknowingly.

Maybe it was the sky and I was blinded by the fluffy clouds too soft to touch and invisible when you came closer, maybe the oceans rapids the waves crashing in on both of us before we knew where we would both be.

What did I feel in those lips that deceit me into fantasies unimaginable?

When they touched me why didn't I stop them?

Pause the frustration, conclude the insane thoughts of what we both wanted to do?

But did we want this?

Did I want him more than anything in the world? Am I willing to give up everything I've ever known and everything I ever wanted—

For those blue marbles to watch over me.

Till I die—

'No I am not.'

I'm starting to think love wasn't the right word.

Love was giving up everything for someone. I wasn't willing to give up everything for Blake.

Thomas, I'd give up everything for.

Not Blake.

Vulnerable I was but not as vulnerable as I was with Thomas.

After we made out in the parking lot. In his stuffy nice car. I was questioning my sanity of course.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much."
Blake moaned that. In-between tonguing me down.

I think I'm not in touch with my emotions anymore.

I continued to stare at him as he was driving. Trying to feel something.

Why did I say I loved him?

I didn't love him. What the hell is wrong with me?

I couldn't love him.

Even if I loved his tattoos or the way he holds me.

Sometimes his asshole smirk.

I couldn't love a psychopath. He was a fucking psychopath.

Everyone that I met that was involved with him was a fucking psychopath.

I stopped staring at his face. Looking below that.

His body yeah I loved it, but I didn't love him. I couldn't love him.

Blake.

I wish he'd say something. He was driving silently. He gave me quick glances here and there.

I laid my head on his shoulder.

I didn't love him.
I didn't wanna go home.

I just wanted to be out of that fucking place.