marshall

24/ no buts

I slowly sat up on the couch and stretched my upper body a bit.
I took a look around the room and noticed my bag placed on the floor next to the couch. I reached for it and checked if there's everything I carry in it.

Everything was in my bag, except for the 100$ I had in my wallet. And that's a shit ton of money for me to spend on alcohol.

I turned on my phone, notifications popped up immediately.

Two voice messages.

"Hey, sorry that I left without you last night but Something came up and I couldn't find you anyway. Lemme know if you're alright, see ya" this message was from Evan. I scoffed at his lame excuse, but what else could I do. I also left some people before so I'm not the one to talk about manners.

"Hey.. uh, just come home" Marshall's voice echoed in my head. His voice was hoarse and hungover-like. I was hoping to hear 'I love you, bye' from Marshall but I guess it's just too early to expect some affection.

I wanted to leave the apartment, but something stayed my feet on the floor.

Curiosity? Was I afraid of the outside world?
Was I afraid of the awkwardness that may occur if I'd run into the apartment's owner?
I knew that it will all happen one way or another, but before I gained the needed braveness, another occupant entered the room.

I didn't dare to turn my head and face the person, so then I was surprised when I saw who it was.

"Hey you up," he said and placed a glass of water and a headache pill on the table in front of me.
"I'd rather not be at all," I scoffed in self-pity and covered my face with my palms.
"Yeah man that's what I thought when I found ya in the club"
"I can't believe I fell asleep in a bar full of people I don't know"
"Happens though"

We both remained silent for a little while. It wasn't this awkward silence, I just needed to get my mind together.

"You know.. you can't let your mouth run like that," he interrupted the silence, making me face him for the first time.
"What are you talking about?"
"What were you talkin' 'bout?"

I was so confused at that point I wasn't able to keep the conversation going so I just gave him 'bruh, what?' look and expected him to continue.

"Heard ya talk 'bout some Franklins last night"
"So that was you sitting with the bunch of other guys," I sighed in realization, feeling a bit better now that I knew who the mysterious guy was.
"Yeah. Thing is you don't know what you might have caused, you know"
"Could you just spill it?," I was tired of all the secrets and silence around Marshall. So I may be kind of.. impatient.
"Hey no rush, alright?.. I just think that you should be more careful whenever you talk about Marshall. They all got ears.. It's like you never know which one is the right and which one is the wrong to confess to"
"Nice lyrics but you didn't answer my question"
"I didn't mean to do it anyway"
I scoffed, feeling both frustrated and just so done with everything.

I took the pill, drank the glass and placed it back on the table.
"I better be off then," I grabbed my bag and got on my feet, lazily even tho I felt like storming out.
He stood up as well and heard his steps right behind me as he followed my trail to the front door.

"Hold on, Tanya," he grabbed me by my shoulder and stopped me for a second.
"Don't put any more pressure on Marshall, yeah? He ain't no dick just give him  a little time, aight?"

I had nothing left to say because it would only cause an argument.

"Thank you, Deshaun.. for letting me stay," I mumbled but I still meant it.
"Do you even know how to get over to Marshall's?," Deshaun asked concerned. I had a foggy image of how to get back home but I felt like Deshaun served me way too much last night so I'd feel ashamed to ask for a ride.
"Yeah, I can manage"
"Alright, take care girl"

I opened our apartment door with a silent prayer. The apartment was silent except for the sound of our television.

I peeked into the living room to see Marshall.
Sitting on a couch, headphones as loud as possible, with a notebook and a pen in his hand, moving his head to the rhythm and scratching something down on the paper. 

I stretched my arm and waved at him.  He noticed me and looked surprised, but also pleased to see me.
Marshall removed the sound barrier of his ears and placed on a table everything that occupied his hands.

I cleared my throat because I didn't know how to start. Well, Marshall must know how to read my mind because he was the first one who started to talk.

"Hey.. so you cool now?" Marshall asked and I just nodded.
"Come here, you," he pointed at his lap.  I felt relieved as he placed me on his thighs with his arm around my hip.
I felt nervous, looking down at my fingers, examining them.
He didn't ask where I spent the night.

Maybe he didn't care.
Maybe he knew.
Maybe he didn't want to know.

"What's on your mind, hm?"

It took me a little while to come up with words.

"Look, Marshall.. I don't think we are good enough," seriously, Tanya? Excellent speech.
"What are you sayin'?"
"I'm saying that we should work our problems out  if we don't want to be buried alive by them"
"You talkin' about the bag, aren't ya"
"Well, yeah. I'm just so worried. Worried enough to not be at work even tho I should be sitting in my office instead of sitting on your lap"
"Hey I know, babygirl, but,"
I had to cut his words because I didn't need to hear another excuse.
"No buts, Marshall. I've had enough of them" Was I too firm? Maybe.
Was it necessary? You answer the question.

Marshall ran his hand over his face and rubbed his temples. 

"Try to understand me, Marshall. I'm just tired in a way"
"How 'bout you would try to understand me for once? You know I would never keep anything from you if it wasn't real necessary. But you always gotta be all suspicious instead of keeping it cool and act rationally," I must admit he had a point, though. His voice remained calm and his temper was just fine.
To my surprise.

"Promise me one thing"
"Anything"
"Tell me if things get worse. If there's anything that's bothering you.. just tell me"
"The only thing that's botherin' me now is that I'm hungry so I think that some food will do me good. Do us both good," he said, making me chuckle. It felt so nice again.

Marshall disappeared in the kitchen to get his phone so he could order us dinner.

I noticed that notebook of his still laying on the table.
I had this urge to open it and check out some pages.

I was curious.
But I also knew that I shouldn't go through Marshall's stuff like that.

Damn you, curiosity! You got the best of me. Again.

Well, leťs see.

_____________

So I'm in the middle of my finals and iťs no fun now. School and the upcoming university is consuming all of my free time. I think you may already know how tough the process of final exams can be. 

And hey, I was wondering. Some of you probably know about Yelawolf and his music. What do you think about his new Trunk Muzik 3 album? Let me know.