Hate's a Type Of Love (Jean X Reader)

3. Realizations

Reader POV

Over the course of the next few months, not much changed between Jean and I. We still fought almost daily, I still started fist fights I couldn't win, but one thing about it all did change and I couldn't quite put my finger on why. His insulting names and rude comments and jabs began to actually sting when they hadn't bothered me at all before. I didn't understand it. But there was no way in hell I'd ever let him see that his words actually hurt me. 

I began to look at him differently too, those warm honey eyes and that soft looking fawn brown hair that I wanted to run my hands through to feel it's softness for myself. That lithe frame and the way his shirt hung slightly loose over his muscles, framing them in an attractive way that I never noticed before. His appearance was quite handsome and I often found myself thinking about him when there was nothing else on my mind, like during meals or while I was on cleaning duty or during my free time. Images of him plagued my mind at every turn and soon enough, I stopped responding to his insults and attempts to start a fight. My cheeks would heat up and I'd get butterflies in my stomach whenever he got close to me. He made me uncomfortable but in a way that I'd never felt before. I wasn't scared of him. No, I just had a hopeless crush on him. The one person I was supposed to hate...

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"At least I'm not an orphan." Jean spat at me, bringing our latest fight to screeching halt. I was frozen to my spot, staring at him with wide eyes, the familiar sting in them as they began to water. What he said was true but it hurt. This time, he'd crossed a line. My bottom lip quivered as my vision blurred from the hot tears that welled up and soon spilled over, sliding slowly down my cheeks. I finally came back to reality and bit my lip, coughing a little as I looked down, fists clenched at my sides. "I fucking hate you, Kirschtein," I whispered in a trembling voice, finally able to make my body move as I turned and ran off into the woods behind the training grounds, letting my tears flow freely as I ran. I didn't know where I was going but anywhere was better than there. I just wanted to be alone and away from Jean.

Jean POV

I stood there completely stunned as I watched (Name)'s eyes grow misty at my taunt. I immediately regretted my words as I saw the tears well up in her eyes and then slide down her cheeks. She'd never cried no matter how mean I was to her, I never anticipated that it would hurt my heart so much to see her in tears. "I fucking hate you, Kirschtein." I heard her trembling voice whisper to me before she turned and ran off into the woods, leaving me there stunned and confused at what I was feeling right now. I ran a hand through my hair and cursed at myself for being such an idiot. That sight gripped my heart and my chest felt tight with regret for my words and all my previous rude words and actions toward the (h/c) haired girl. I'd beaten her up more times than I could count, fought with her and insulted her more than I cared to remember. I'd really overstepped my bounds with that last comment and I was realizing now that what I felt for her wasn't hate. I really liked this girl and I'd been a complete asshole to her these past almost two years because I didn't know how else to express myself to her. She absolutely hated me now and I didn't know what to do to even begin to fix this.

I swore and took off running after her without thinking it through. I just knew I needed to find her and apologize. That was the only thing on my mind as I ran, trying to follow her footprints in the still damp ground from last night's rain. I slowed to a stop and looked around me when I heard quiet sobs. It took a moment but I figured out where they were coming from and ran towards the sound, stopping when I found her sitting in the mud under a tall pine tree, her white uniform pants getting dirty and wet. I frowned at the sight of her sitting there with her knees pulled up to her chest, hugging them and crying into them. It hurt to see her like that and I swallowed the lump in my throat before walking over to her side. I slid down the trunk of the tree and sat beside her in the mud, ignoring the gross feeling of it soaking into my white uniform pants. All I cared about right now was the crying girl beside me.

When she didn't get up to run away from me again, I hesitantly put my arm around her and pulled her so that she leaned against my side, rubbing her shoulder with my thumb. "I'm really sorry, (Name)..." I said quietly after a while and she sniffled, shifting to wrap her arms around me. "Say it again..." I heard her whisper and I smiled a little, turning my head and leaning it down slightly to press my nose and lips against her hair on the top of her head. "I'm sorry," I repeated quietly and I felt her hug tighten. "I'm sorry for all the mean things I've said to you," I said once more, lifting my head when she shifted to climb into my lap and hug me tightly around my shoulders, her face buried in my neck to hide it. Her hair tickled my jaw and neck and I chuckled. "Once more, please?" She asked me and I angled my head to be able to whisper right into her ear. "I'm sorry," I said and wrapped my arms firmly around her, the two of us just sitting there in silence for a while more as she fully calmed down.

She finally lifted her head and sat back to look me in the eyes. "Can I have a ride back to my room Mr. Horse?" She asked and I frowned at the nickname that I hated. But she seemed to have forgiven me at least so I supposed this was the least I could put up with if it meant we could try and be friends now. "Sure," I said with a defeated sigh and she got up from my lap, allowing me to stand as well. I turned to face away from her and squatted down, holding her legs firmly to support her as I stood up with her now on my back. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders to keep herself from falling and I began the trek back to the training grounds...