Hate's a Type Of Love (Jean X Reader)

17. Pick Your Poison

Jean POV

I readied my gun as we lowered the lift, watching nervously as the titans in the storage area came into view and spotted us, starting to move closer. Being near them like this was terrifying enough when I had plenty of space to try and escape but now we were within a few feet of them and had nowhere to turn. If this plan failed, we really would die here. Like hell I'd let that happen. I wasn't ready to die here. To wait until Armin gave the order to open fire was agonizing as the titans came closer and closer, forming a tight circle around the lift.

"FIRE!" Armin shouted, sounding terrified just like the rest of us. And everything after that seemed to happen in a blur. The sound of gunfire alone was enough to rattle the brain as nearly 20 of us opened fire at the titans' eyes all at once. It was deafening and the flashes were blinding but as we took care of their ability to see, Mikasa's group came down from the rafters to deal the finishing blows. It all felt as if it lasted hours, but it only took maybe five minutes for us to kill all the titans in the storage area.

As soon as the lift was completely lowered and everyone loaded off it, I dropped my gun and turned to (Name) to wrap my arms around her in a tight hug. She returned the gesture right away and I let out a relieved sigh that we'd made it this far. "Jean, we should resupply before more titans come..." (Name) fretted as she pulled away a moment later. She had a point. That hole in the wall of the building was bound to attract more titans if we didn't hurry up and get our supplies replenished and fall back to the inner wall where everyone else had gone. "If we make it through this, let's both join the Garrison, okay?" I suggested as we walked over to the gas tanks. "That sounds good to me. I never want to see titans again of I can avoid it." She smiled just a little and I felt myself smile slightly in response. Maybe with this slightly lighter mood everything would go right in this world for once.

~~~~

But boy I had never been so wrong in my life. That titan Armin mentioned turned out to be controlled by Eren who we all thought was dead. He helped plug up the hole in gate with a big boulder after a whole fiasco of him, Mikasa, and Armin almost getting blown to smithereens by the Garrison. But that didn't help the rest of us when we got sent out on titan cleanup duty the next day. I lost track of (Name) during that as she got assigned to go actually kill titans and I had to hang back until it was safe to go collect the dead for possible identification so they could be returned to their loved ones and buried properly. I found the bodies of many of the fallen cadets from the 104th Trainees. Including Marco. And then I had to break the news to (Name)...

Now it was finally time for the regiment recruitment speeches with everything calmed down for now. The Garrison Commander gave theirs first, right after lunch. It was pretty compelling to be honest. And I did promise (Name) that I would join the Garrison with her but we were still obligated to attend the speech for the Survey Corps before we made our choice. Commander Erwin's speech wasn't very reassuring yet it was still very compelling... Especially after what we had all been through during the last couple of days. I stood there beside (Name) as Erwin continued to speak to the crowd of remaining cadets from the 104th while the night finally began to grow dark and torches were lit around the outside of the training field to give light to the gathering.

Reader POV

I wasn't sure what to do now. Jean and I made that promise to join the Garrison together but after the horrors I'd just witnessed how could I justify hiding away behind the walls any longer? I really came to understand Eren's hatred of the titans on a deeper level than I ever had now that I'd experienced my friends dying around me, helpless even with our weapons to fight back. I'd never felt such pure terror until the other day and while I never wanted to see titans again and stay safe and alive behind the walls together with Jean... I also couldn't let Marco, Mina, Thomas, and everyone else's deaths be in vain. If I didn't join the Survey Corps to fight back for those who died too soon then what did I spend three years of my life training for? To sit around and babysit civilians all day every day?

I glanced over at Jean when Erwin brought his speech to a close and allowed anyone who didn't want to join the Survey Corps to walk away now. He looked back at me with the same nervous look I had, uncertain if we were seriously doing this. But neither of us moved an inch as we broke our gazes away from each other and watched nearly everyone else from the 104th walk past us. I didn't blame them. I should be walking away with them all right now but my feet stayed rooted where I was standing. Neither choice was a good one to be completely honest. After hearing all the horrors about what happened at Shiganshina five years ago and experiencing the horrors of the battle for Trost, I knew deep down that nowhere was actually safe. There was a titan that could break down the wall if it wanted to and the other normal titans were bad enough to try and deal with. It wasn't safe outside the walls and it wasn't safe inside them either. But if I'm going to die before I grow old, I want to do it while fighting for something that my friends died for. And at least I'll get to do it along side the person I care about the most right now. Jean.

My attention was pulled back to Commander Erwin when it was mainly the top 10 cadets and a few others, including myself,  standing there in the field. "To those of you who remain standing here... Let me officially welcome you to the Survey Corps. You have dedicated your hearts to freeing humanity from the tyranny of the titans. Join me in a proper salute." His voice called out loudly over the otherwise silent evening and he gave us a proper salute. I tapped my feet together to stand at attention along with the others and placed my right first over my heart and my left behind my back, standing tall with my shoulders back to feign confidence in my choice. I was anything but confident about this decision but there was no going back now...