Fight for your life

Part 18

Sam shook his head as he took a seat next to James. "Stop blaming yourself, James" he started, taking a deep breath "Jake loves you. He's head over heels in love with you. He didn't leave because he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. And yeah, they're going through a lot right now, but let's be fair, so are you" his hand slipped down slowly, rubbing across the drummers back. "Ashley was way out of fucking line back there"

Matt sighed softly as he held Andy close. He knew they were all under a lot of stress right now and knew things would eventually settle down. He just hoped it would be sooner rather than later. "You wanna go get some air, baby?" He asked. Ashley's eyes slipped closed as the tears streamed down his cheeks. He couldn't believe he'd reacted the way he did. And said the things he did to James. This wasn't his fault. It was no ones fault. "I'm such a fucking mess. What the hell did I do?" CC sighed softly, keeping his arm around Jinxx's waist. "I know...I keep waiting for him to wake up and laugh at us for getting so upset..." His voice trailed off as he cried "please wake up"

James moved his hands up and into his hair, grabbing at it gently. He sniffled a little, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground. His voice lowered a little, barely above a whisper, while he spoke again. "I'm so in love with him, Sam. I don't know what to do," he exhaled slowly, shakily while he replayed the sight of Jake in the hospital bed in his head.

Andy shook his head slightly, peeking up from Matt's shoulder to look at Jake again, unable to focus on him for too long. Adam shook his head slightly, pulling back a little to look down at Ashley. "Hey, everyone understands. Tensions are high and you just reacted. They know you didn't mean it," he assured Ashley softly, brushing his hair back gently before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Do you want to go talk to him?" Jinxx shook his head a little, turning it to tuck his chin over the top of CC's head. "I know. He has to," he mumbled quietly, knowing it was just wishful thinking. 

Sam slid closer, resting his head against James' shoulder. "I know you are, mate. You don't give up. That's what you do." He bit at his lower lip, clearing his throat before continuing "and I know he feels the same about you...that's why I know he's going to make it through this. He has too many people that love him. He'll fight to come back to us. He'll fight to come back to you"

Matt nodded, letting his eyes slip closed as he held his husband tight, unable to look at Jake any longer. Ashley took a few deep breaths to regain his composure. "Yeah, I need to apologize to him. I can't even imagine what hell he's going through and my little outburst didn't help matters" he said as he turned, heading outside. He stopped when he saw James and Sam sitting on the bench, broken glass surrounding them. He sighed as he grabbed Adams hand, walking toward the pair slowly "James, can I talk to you please?" He asked softly, almost childlike. CC nodded, wiping the tears from his eyes. "You hear that, Jake? We're not letting you give up that easily."

James glanced up when he heard Ashley, chewing at his lower lip. He expected Ashley to yell at him again, but he stood up slowly and held up a finger. "Wait. Before you lay into me again, I hope you know that this is hard for me, too. I love him, and with any luck at all, he feels the same, and maybe that's just wishful thinking, but that doesn't mean that I'm leaving. He was here because of me, I know that, and I'm not saying that I don't agree with what you said, but I'm saying it's not fair to start throwing that around now because this hurts me too, Ashley. And I don't want to step on any toes, I know you guys have more rights to be near him than I do, but if you can just put this aside for right now, I swear I'll figure it out later, but I can't just walk away from him like this. So please, please, let me be there for him right now..." he pleaded softly, stepping closer to Ashley slowly.

Andy glanced up when Ashley left, looking from the door to Jake's bed while he debated whether he thought Ashley needed him there or not. As Adam followed, he decided to stay back, tightening his arms around Matt's waist. Adam followed Ashley out, holding his hand tightly while they stopped near James, keeping close to him for moral support as he approached James. Jinxx closed his eyes slowly, taking a slow, steadying breath while he watched Jake in the bed, the slow rise and fall of his chest the only movement. "Even just some kind of sign..." he begged quietly.

Sam kept close to James, in case he needed him but remained quiet as the two talked. Ashley shook his head, his eyes slipping closed for a moment as he took in the drummers words. He listened silently as James spoke, each word cutting him a little deeper than the previous. Once he was finished, he gave Adams hand a squeeze as he cleared his throat "no, James" he started, his eyes filling with tears once more "I didn't come out here to yell at you again. I came out here to apologize for the shit I said. James, he loves you. I don't even think you realize how much he loves you. He was out here because he wanted to be. This isn't your fault. This is no ones fault. I've never seen him as happy as he is with you" he swallowed hard as the tears streamed down his cheeks, not bothering to wipe them as he continued. "I shouldn't have took this out on you. We all love him, and we should all be there for him. All of us."