LOVE WITHOUT SLEEP

THE CHAPTER 22

I couldn't keep still, as my feet continued to pace the floors which squeaked at everyone's step. My hands began to shake, my heart raced and never stopped. The distinct stench of medicine and cold air was only a reminder of the misery each person held while sitting in the waiting room of the hospital...voices echoed, and conversations from distances down the hall were able to be heard in such silence.

"Jude, could you stop walking so much, you're making me dizzy."

"Matty don't talk to me." I turned to look at him where he sat.

"What?" He asked.

I covered my face momentarily, pushing my hair back and throwing my hands, "this is all your fucking fault. Did you just have to go and get wrecked tonight because you love someone you can't have? It kills you that much that you actually can't have something you want for once?"

"Jude..."

"It's Judith, okay?" I snapped, stopping where I stood...I wiped the tears I'd been hiding away, which managed to escape at the thought of anything going wrong with George. "Don't ever call me Jude. Only George calls me that." I sat down, taking a deep breath.

He didn't say anything...anything at all. His lack of response almost confused me, though I couldn't look at him and expect one. I looked down at my lap, sitting back in my seat.

"I never meant for this to happen," he finally spoke. I turned to him, slowly and ashamed. "But I'm not sorry, to you. I didn't mean to fall in love with you, or for it to hurt so much I'd feel the need to escape the pain with a drink or two. I didn't mean to get into a fight tonight. I didn't mean to end up here...and I care about George just as much as you do. So stop acting like you're the only one who's going through this." He said, getting up from where he sat and walking out of the room.

I turned around, watching him go, feeling lower than dirt...so low, I may as well have been six feet under the ground. I got up immediately, hurrying out of the door.

"Matty, wait." I said.

He sighed, stopping and turning around, "what? What now?" He asked.

"I..." I looked up into his tired eyes, the pain I could see through them making me weak...so weak, I felt as though I could no longer breathe. He watched me, waiting for the rest of my incoherent sentence. "You..." I shook my head, struggling for the words to say. Before I knew it, it was as if our bodies were magnets under the force. We were drawn in closer and closer to one another. I held my breath, not knowing what move to make, and deep in wonder if he was going to make one himself.

"You mean so much to me," I looked away, feeling odder than ever, "but we can't possibly be anything more than what we've become...amazing friends." I stood on my tip toes, kissing his cheek softly.

He rolled his eyes, digging his hands into his pockets. "You don't need to tell me shit to make this any easier. I know we can't, I wouldn't even if we could...because it wouldn't be right to George."

"I'm not, I really mean it." I said.

He pushed his hair out of his face, looking down, "do you think he's alright?" He asked.

I shrugged slowly, hating him for asking, as more tears began to gather and collect in my eyes. "Don't go..." I said, "George needs you to stay." I said, heading back into the waiting room. I turned around at the door to see him still standing in the same place.

"I can't...tell me if he's alright, would you?" He asked, continuing on his way, still staggering a bit the same way he did when we'd gotten there.

----------------------------------------------------

Most people sleep to get rest, and some, sleep to escape their realities. In the case of myself, I'm part of the second half of people...though in the moment, I could not escape...I could not dream. All I could see were the hues of purples and oranges which were the back of my eyelids and people walking passed the front of them. I opened my eyes at last, giving up.

The nurse came walking in, she was a plump and rounded woman with a jolly grin...I hated it, though I could only guess they'd want her to liven up the depressing atmosphere. I sat up slightly, hating to have to hear the news alone.

"Hi, you're here for Mr. Daniel, correct?" She asked.

I nodded, clenching the fabric of my blouse.

"He's very well and you're welcome to come see him, follow me or when you're ready head to room nine straight down the hall on the left." Suddenly her jolly grin became something I learned to love.

I stood up right away, trying my ultimate best not to hug her, "thank goodness." I closed my eyes, somehow feeling as though it was a test...of finding out how much he actually did mean to me. I followed her through the doors which led to the hallway, passing each number and heading into the room.

Originally I imagined him to be laying in a weakened state. With eyes closed, and too weak to possibly know I was there...that's how it was in the films anyway. To my surprise he was sitting up and didn't look hurt at all...somehow I managed to laugh at the sight of him reaching for his tray of food...

He turned to see me, smiling and looking behind me...for what I knew was for Matty. I didn't understand how he could leave me to be the strong one all alone if something had happened. Despite all the many questions circling my brain, I hurried and went to the bed, throwing my arms around him.

"Woah, careful, I'm a little sore." He laughed, holding onto my waist. I sat down beside him, kissing all over his face as if I'd never get the chance again. He closed his eyes, scrunching his nose as it was where I ended.

"I love you so much. I thought...something would go wrong." I could barely speak straight, every word spilling out with a fast speed. "George if anything happened to you I don't know what I would have done. I wouldn't be able to cope--"

"I love you too...nothing went wrong, and luckily I'm here...and I get to see you../" He smiled. I couldn't help but manage a smile of my own, lying down beside him. "Where's Matty?" He asked.

I looked away from him, hating to say, "I dunno. He left..."

George looked up at the ceiling, only to see the great big light which shined down over us.

"I think he was just afraid, that something would happen, you know? He told me to tell him if you--"

"Its fine. I don't care, really." He shrugged, looking over at me. Though I knew it was a lie...and he did care. Otherwise, he wouldn't need to explain.

I nodded, looking away. His hand swept softly under my chin, turning my head to his direction and pressing his lips onto mine gently. I closed my eyes, taking in every bit of his love.