𐄁 Trixya One Shots 𐄁

Oh Soldier, Take Your Time

tw - drugs, self harm 

Credits to artist 

~

Katya cried. 

She cried hard. 

Her body shook, her breathing ragged. Things were spinning, she had a headache. Everything hurt. She hugged herself tightly, a sleek black phone in hand. Short blonde hair being matted down onto her tear stained cheeks, her mascara turning her warm tears black. She felt, empty, hollow, sad. 

Her earbuds almost sliding out of her ears from her constant shaking, she turned on the music a little louder. 

Oh soldier, take your time, 
No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine, 
And even if they don't, no one needs to know, 
Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go...

Katya felt tears spewing out of her eyes with each line. Trixie wrote this song just for her, she told an interviewer on a recent interview. Trixie knew how Katya wasn't in the greatest shape, Trixie knew how life has been hard on her, Trixie knew. 

Trixie wasn't around as often, after college, they grew apart and they didn't see each other as much anymore. The hole in Katya's heart was left open again, the hole that Trixie filled with her bubblegum hair and banshee laughter. Katya felt the hole grow bigger and deeper, swallowing all her emotions and leaving nothing but darkness behind. She felt her days grow dark and the nights grow long, her memories blurred and her emotions numbed. 

Katya returned to drugs, she had been sober when Trixie was there, Trixie helped her stay away, but she relapsed. They made her feel nothing, feel everything, feel too little, feel too much, she was a mess.  

Katya was still sobbing, but the sobbing ceased a little as the song ended. Katya pressed Replay and started loudly sobbing again. 

Weirdness follows me wherever I go, 
Weirdness seems to know me even better than I seem to know myself... 

Katya saw that her black sleeve had ridden up her arm, exposing her scars and recent cuts. She hated herself, she hated that she hurt herself, she hated how she was sad all the time. It hurt her heart, her empty heart. 

~

Katya sobbed for about an hour or so, but she felt a little better. 

Trixie's Soldier was still playing on her phone. Katya stared out blankly at the floor as she listened to the lyrics for the hundredth time. 

Weirdness follows me wherever I go, 
Weirdness seems to know me even better than I seem to know myself, 
I'm someone else. 
Looking to the clock beside my bed, 
Am I really keeping time or is it only keeping me instead?
Go back to bed. 

Woah woah woah woah, 
You've got time to grow. 
Oh soldier, take your time, 
No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine, 
And even if they don't, no one needs to know. 
Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go. 

An hour hand moves faster with a scotch, 
Even when you're in it moving faster every minute if you watch, 
And I drink a lot. 
But drinking only wakes you up at ten, 
Spend the day regrettin', but I'm bettin' that you'll do it all again, 
Next weekend. 

Woah woah woah woah, 
You've got time to grow. 
Oh soldier, take your time, 
No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine, 
And even if they don't, no one needs to know. 
Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go. 

Don't look down the barrel with an arrow and a bow, 
Dressed down in apparel with camouflage from head to toe, 
With everything so sterile in a heavy monotone. 
Oh soldier, you gotta let things go. 

Oh soldier, take your time, 
No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine, 
And even if they don't, no one needs to know, 

Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go.

Trixie meant so much to her and she was grateful to have such a friend, such a good friend, a best friend. 

Friend. 

Katya didn't want to be friends. 

~

a/n - Sorry, this is kinda short, kinda having writer's block rn.