The silent screams of hollow children

Skinny

I hate salad
I still eat it
It's the least amount of calories
You can eat without people being worried
I hate when people ask
Aren't you gonna eat more
Why are you writing that down
My answer is always the same
It will never change
I don't know
I don't know
If I'm gonna eat more
If I feel skinny enough
To eat more
I don't know why I'm writing this down
Maybe so I can google the calories later
And once I see all I've eaten
Is a protein bar
Then maybe
Maybe
I feel skinny enough
To eat something
But it's not likely
Society has taught
Skinny is pretty
And anything less
Is ugly
And I can't just unlearn that
I can't just forget
The lessons that have been
Drilled into my head
My friends are all worried
Well I say friends
I mean only one has noticed
The slowly dropping pounds
And the dairy of calories
He watches me eat everyday
He watches me write down
What I eat everyday
He doesn't stop me
Just watches
As I calculate calories
Trying to keep my food intake small
In a desperate attempt to be skinny
He weighs so much less
Than me
I could toss him
Like a baseball
Yet
He eats triple what I eat
He knows
My eating is a problem
Yet he never says anything
He doesn't ask questions
He just watches
And for that
I'm grateful
Because if he pointed it out
I would feel so bad
Like I'd let down
Everyone
My eat disorder
Has become
The most interesting thing about me
And I'm scared
I want the skinny
So badly though
That I'm willing
To fear everything
If it means
I get to be
Skinny