Drunk or sober

5 0 0

by badboredbitch

by badboredbitch

Do you like me
You know
When I'm not drunk
When the alcohol
Hasn't killed my brain
When I'm not fun
Do you like me
When I'm not killing my liver
When my eyes
Aren't buzzing with sadness
And I'm in control of what I do
Why
Do you like drunk me
So much
Is it because
She's on her knees
Before you've even asked
Or because
Shes
Not aggressive enough to attack
Even though I'm strong enough
How is she better than me
Is it because she has no shame
She doesn't care
How slutty she dresses
As long as she holds your attention
Or maybe it's because
She's more feminine than me
Wearing heels and tight shirts
Am I too masculine for you
In sweatpants and sneakers
You think my illness
Is more fun
That the out of control
Drunk
Living inside of me
That only comes out
When my blood alcohol
Level is .08
The drunk
Who's down for everything you want
Even though
She can't legally consent
I only remember bits and pieces
Times when you've gotten me so drunk
I remember
Just the stumbling
The slurred words
And dizziness
One time I thought you drugged me
You swore you didn't
But I woke up
Feeling worse than normal
My pounding headache
Had become a migraine
It felt like
Someone hitting a hammer
On the inside of my skull
I couldn't see straight
Everything was blurry
My steps were confused
My movements slow and sluggish
But you swore
Nothing happened
But every time I'm drunk
You insist on staying sober
You say
It's so you can remember her
The drunk me who's not me
Who's not logical
Doing what ever she feels
Whenever
You like her
A lot more than you like
Cold and logical me
Drunk and sober
Two different people
But you insist
That you love me
Not her
But sleeping with drunk me
While I cannot consent
Even though I'm in my own body
Locked away in the back corner
Everything is cold
Even what you call
Warm love
Sober or drunk
There is no in between
Leave me be
Please
I don't wanna be drunk anymore
I don't like her
She is my wild side
Make her go away