Camila Cabello Imagines

Can't See Ahead

"I thought you said you weren't going to do this anymore," Camila mumbled with a complete lack of emotion, eyes locked onto where your right hand clutched desperately to an unopened (for the moment) bottle of cheap vodka. You shrugged, unable to look at her as you proceeded to twist off the cap to the liquor that lately you had been consuming as though it was water. It wasn't water though, because water could never make you feel the way this liquid gold could. Water could never take away the pain.

"You know what I really don't get?" It was a rhetorical question in your mind, so you brushed it off while you poured at least 2 but probably closer to 3 shots worth of vodka in the glass that was already filled with soda. Your girlfriend sighed as she watched you, wishing that she could find the street and courage to just rip the bottle right out of your hands and dump it all out.

Deciding that you weren't going to try and answer her question, Camila went ahead and continued. "You drink because you're sad for whatever reason but drinking only intensifies the feeling and you know it," she stated firmly.

Well of course you knew that. However it didn't stop you from taking a large gulp of the drink that was more alcohol than soda, to be honest. Any normal person would've retched at the harsh burn but you were so used to it that it didn't cause any type of pain.

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm not doing this because I want to but because I have to? I know that this is going to kill me one day and I need to stop...but I can't," you admitted, looking briefly at Camila before sighing and quickly chugging the rest of the drink.

She watched you in utter shock, not having the slightest clue as to how she was supposed to react to a statement like that. All this time she had thought that you were drinking because of the unfortunate way things had gone in your life for the past year, but you had essentially just admitted to being a full blown alcoholic. Of course she immediately felt the need to help you. A problem like yours needed professional help and that was the one thing that she just couldn't provide.

"Maybe you could talk to someone?," she tried suggesting, grimacing when you took a quick sip directly from the bottle. "I have tried, Camila!" The way you snapped at her caught her off guard, but it also shocked you at how quickly you became exasperated without any provocation. "Everyone keeps telling me to just stop drinking but the don't know what it's like. THey're not the ones with the problem- I am. You and all the other will never lay awake all night wanting so badly to go even half a day without risking while at the same time whisking it was 10 am so the liquor stores will open. If you don't understand it you don't get to have an opinion."

Who was this new version of yourself? 5 months ago you never would've talked like that to anyone, much less to your girlfriend who you supposedly loved more than anything. But how could you love her or even yourself when the only thing you constantly craved was the numb feeling that being constantly inebriated gave you?

Camila wanted o understand so bad. She wanted to understand what you were going through more than you wanted to get drunk. But every time she tried you just pushed her away more and more. It was slowly starting to break her.

"Can I have some too then? I had a pretty shitty day at work," Camila said while she asked over to grab a cup of her own. Her words made you look at her as though she was crazy.

"No. Nope. You can't drink just because you had a bad day." Oh the hypocrisy. Camila shook her head, putting the glass down and wishing that you were able to take your own advice. You watched with sad eyes as Camila left the room, done wit your behavior. You hated yourself because you couldn't stop drinking no matter how much you knew that you needed to; and the only hope you could hold on to was that one day, and hopefully one day soon, you would drink enough to take away the emptiness forever.

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Throwback to when alcohol almost ruined my life whew chile