Unintentional

Ripping off the Bandage

                                                                                Nyree   

   I slowly turned the knob and instantly wanted to turn back. Besides Courtney laying in that hospital bed, there was no one else in the room but me. Only the sound of his heart monitor kept the room from being in complete silence. I pulled the nearest chair next to his bed and sat, taking a deep breath before laying my hand on his. I still was unsure of how this was gonna play out. I really didn't wan to come, but I knew I would've never been able to forgive myself if something worse would've happened. As much as the childish part of me wants to continue to hate him, I knew I couldn't keep avoiding the inevitable.

   Part of me still felt for him. At one point in time he was my best friend; I would've done anything for him, hell I did everything for him. That's why it hurt so much when I found out he played me. I felt like he knew that and still chose to take advantage.  As if he already knew who it was, his eyes snapped open immediately. "I always knew you would end up here", I muttered. "You really came" Courtney whispered trying to sit up.

   "That's not a good idea", I panicked, noticing the bandages on his lower abdomen. Just as I feared, Courtney doubled over in pain. I shot up from my seat on impulse and lay him back down to take the pressure off of his bullet wounds; damn I really hated to see him like this. When I finally got him to settle his breathing, he looked at me and smiled.

   "You still care. I can tell by the way you looked when you thought I was hurt. I know you shouldn't after all that I've done to you but it's nice to know that you still do". I bit my lip, looking down at my feet. I was quick to get rid of the tears before they cascaded down my face; I didn't want Courtney to see me so vulnerable. "Don't. Just don't. Why were you asking for me? What do you want?". "I wanted to see you. I've honestly missed you. And I also wanted to tell you what's been going on with me since you left". I sat back in my seat, motioning for him to continue as I prepared myself for whatever bullshit sob story he had to tell me.

   "After our last fight, I went to jail. I got out a year later and meet up with Jacey and the crew and we all went out to the strip club to celebrate. Well I met this girl who was a bartender and we started fuckin around and-". "You got her pregnant", I finished for him with a smirk. He nodded slowly, holding his head down in shame. By this time I had my arms folded, sneering down at him. When we were younger, he always said that he didn't like nor did he want any kids. Courtney never used condoms and he would always say he didn't need them because his pull out game was so strong. I let out a laugh before finally speaking my mind. "Damn Courtney. Pull out game must not have been A-1 like you thought it was, huh?". Courtney sighed and forced a smile. "I deserved that".

   "Boy or Girl?" I questioned, not letting him stray from the intended conversation. "A girl, she's 5 and smart as hell. She reminds me so much of you it's scary. She likes to sing, loves to fight, and she loves to read just like you", he smiled. "She must be smart then", I replied trying to keep my voice from cracking. I could never understand why I always felt this way when Courtney was around. I had a fiancee who was back at the hotel with our daughter; a child we created and shared together.

   The two of them were too tired to come with me because they were too jet lagged from the flight that Jourdin was willing to get on just in support of me, and here I was tingling all over because of the presence of someone who did me so dirty. I hated this feeling, and always knew that I would have to battle this one day; the feeling of temptation. I've never experienced a feeling of this intensity. It was tricking my mind, making me want to second guess marrying Jourdin. Making me want to try again with Courtney, hoping he really had changed. Temptation made me believe that Courtney loved me even though I knew he was incapable. I gave him chances time and time again; each time was the same result. I don't even know If Courtney was ever capable of loving someone as much they did him.