insane ✿ a.i

broken

I tell him to go and lay down. Tears fill my eyes and a pounding fills my eyes.

After what feels like forever I feel a hand on my hip. My body wants to tremble but I realize that the hand is Ashton's. I turn over and see him staring at me. I am about to say something when he shakes his head and I see his eyes are glassy and his breathing a bit ragged.

"Josie," he begins and I want to bury myself because I cannot hurt him, "I'm not leaving. I don't care how hard you try to get rid of me, I'm here to stay. You may see things that I can't or hear things I can't but I'm still here with you-"

"I'm a broken mess, Ashton! Don't you get it? No matter what happens this will always be a part of my life that I will not ever be able to forget," I'm shaking a bit and look down so he won't see the tears that stream down my face.

I feel the bed shift and Ashton pulls me into him and kisses my forehead. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and look up to him. He takes my hands between his face.

"I just want everything to be real," I whimper out.

"I'm real," Ashton says and he glances down at my lips. I know I look like an absolute mess. No one packed all of my "beauty items." My lips are cracked and my cheeks are dry from all the crying I've been doing lately. I may not have acne but my face is pale and my hair is a tangled mess rolling down my back. I'm still in scrubs but I have on a sweatshirt from Chicago University because my Aunt dropped it off for me. 

I look over his shoulder and see the little girl. She is holding the flannel and twisting it. There is also a doll in her hand that looks like Ashton and is homemade. She whispers, "I just want to have some fun." Then she twists the dolls arm and I see a young boy who resembles Ashton next to her. I shiver and whisper, "Ashton?" The little boy looks up at me and I see the bruises and cuts. A small gasp escapes my lips and I ask him, "What happened?" 

He looks scared and glances around the room, "They say I'm not allowed to tell or else I'll be in big trouble." His voice is shaking. I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breathe.

-

"Josie," Ashton pulls me out of my thoughts, "Stay here with me. You leave me even when I'm holding you. Where do you go?"

I shake my head and he just lets out a deep breath.

-

I did this in yearbook in the remaining time, so I'm pretty proud of myself.