Never giving up on you - Completed.

49.

Caity

Stanford

Februari 2011

It had been six weeks since I had last seen Austin at the party where he ditched me, and it fell really hard on me to forget about him. Although he had hurt me for the tenth time or so, I still felt drawn to him, and I still longed to be with him, talk to him, feel him.

The day after that disastrous night, he had called me, and I had stared at his caller ID on my screen until he had hung up. After that, I had blocked and erased his number with pain in my heart.

It still bothered me, but Lillian had told me to stay strong and move on, because I was too good for a guy like Austin.

To ease my broken heart a little, Lillian and I had made it a habit to go out every weekend we were off, and although I tried to like the attention I got from other guys, I never felt comfortable enough to give in to one of them and take it further than only a nice conversation.

It felt like my sadness was affecting my entire body; I was tired, I was emotional and I was craving food for comfort. I had even gained a little weight because of it, and I hated it. I was so stressed and felt so uneasy with myself, that I wasn't taking care of myself anymore besides sleeping whenever I could.

Lillian had laughed at me for acting weird, opting in a funny way that maybe I was pregnant, and if I was, I would never get rid of Austin again. I had rolled my eyes and told her to fuck off if she hadn't had anything nice to say, but now I had missed my period for a second month and I was waking up more nauseous every morning, I got scared she might be right.

We had agreed on going out again tonight, and I was trying to make something of my exhausted looking face by putting on some makeup. Every now and then, my eyes anxiously fell on the pregnancy test I had bought days ago, but of which I was too afraid to even take. Trying to ignore it, I took another sip of wine and put on some more mascara, until the doorbell rang and I ran up to open the door for Lillian.

'Hi babe!,' she said, hugging me. 'You ready for tonight?' I shrugged.

'Not really...'

'What's wrong?,' Lillian asked, putting her purse on a barstool and coming after me into the bathroom. I chugged my wine.

'I'm so tired...,' I said after putting my glass down. Lillian grinned.

'Then have some more wine, because it's Valentine's Day, we're single and we're going out no matter what.' As she leaned against the sink her eyes got sight of the pregnancy test, and her grin disappeared. I followed her stare and my heart skipped a beat.

'Caity, what's this?,' Lillian asked rhetorically, picking up the package and staring at me.

'Nothing,' I muttered, pulling the test out of her hands and throwing it over my shoulder to the floor.

'Are you pregnant?!'

'No.'

'Did you do the test?' I rolled my eyes and left to the kitchen to get some more wine.

'No,' I eventually answered. Lillian pulled the bottle of wine out of my hands and put it on the counter.

'Do you think there is a chance you might be pregnant?'

'Nuh-uh, we always used a condom...' I mumbled while drinking more wine. She rolled her eyes and pulled the glass away from me too.

'You haven't bought that test without a reason.'