Buy me flowers| PJM

Jimin's letter

Dear YunHae,

I am not as good at writing as you are, but I'll try my best to make it up to you. To be honest, I didn't think I would ever feel the need to write for you or better said, that I would ever feel like I owe it to you. Don't say I don't. I do.

I know that in the moment you're reading this, I'm probably long gone. And I want to ask you to forgive me for being selfish and not telling you about this earlier. Trust me, I wish I could but every time I tried, my mind was simply going blank. I'm sorry. You deserve an explanation. So here it is: I want to succeed, I want to make my family proud, I want to make hyung proud, I want to make you proud. I want to get to the point where I'm sure noona would've been proud of me as well. And I'm not going to stop until I feel the need to exchange silver for black.

I know that while I'm gone, you will doubt me infinite times and I also know that no matter what I would say now, you'll do it anyway. So I want to start by asking for something from you: Don't wait for me. Don't waste your life waiting for a person, there are many others out there. But I also want to make you understand that I love you and no matter how long I'll stay away from you, my feelings for you won't change.

You might be wondering why. Well then, let me answer by asking you a question: Do you remember when I told you that you were the first person that had seen my dancing without immediately complimenting me? I think that might've been one of the reasons: You've always seen further than my dancer self. You've seen Park Jimin, Jiminie and the guy who eats a meal once in two days, but still managed to stay close to me, without pitying me more than you were pitying yourself- in fact, you were mad at me and I guess you were mad me just because we were so alike. I found that interesting. It made me believe that what I had for you maybe wasn't just obsession after all. And I think with every day passing after that, the feeling just grew bigger and bigger, to the point I knew there was no going back. To the point I had to sit down and write this letter.

To be honest, I've always liked JungKook. I've always admired how such a simple boy like him could understand you and bring you the comfort you needed. However, I also knew you didn't feel the same as him but it has never stopped me from feeling a tiny bit mad every time you were around him. You made me stay awake all night and think about every single gesture of yours, every single word you'd say. And I didn't even understand why, that's why I was mad, I was so mad. Maybe not on you, but on myself. It all started like a game, but it definitely went further than I would've ever expected and that was terrifying, but also intriguing me- I couldn't let you go. And I don't regret a single second that I didn't.

For a long time, I wished I could've been a good example to you, inspire you somehow. But then I realized that if I had lived on the bright side, I could've never get as close to you as I had. I guess that after all, we found comfort in each other exactly because both of us were less than perfect. Does that even make sense? I don't know what I'm saying right now.

I think that there's one really important thing that you have to understand: you've always seen yourself as a psycho just because you're sick. But Yuna, doesn't every sickness have a cure, an answer? I believe the only one who can get you out of the misery is none other than yourself. I believe you're your own answer and I wish to tell you this while looking into your eyes one day. Until then, I just hope you'll try your best to believe more and more in who you are. Because you're amazing.

Also, please take care of Yunie, your skin is too pretty to be wounded and I wish I could tell you that every single day. If you feel down, scream, cry, sleep, listen to music, write your pain down. Just don't hurt yourself. This world is hurting you enough already. I also hope you'll grow to love eating and get to the point you have weekly cooking competitions with Jin hyung and Lola (they're seriously talented- Lola might actually put poison in food if it's for somebody she doesn't like though- it's not your case anyway). I hope you get to the point where you care more about your mental state than about your appearance. You don't always have to dress so fancy- you could wear a trash bag and I would still love you.

Listen to hyung. He might be the annoying older brother sometimes, but he loves you and wants the best for you. The people you have around you are the best, believe me- I know you'll grow to love them as much as I do, I know they'll motivate you to be the best version of yourself and the most important thing of all, they will motivate you to do that for yourself, not for them.

I know that right now, it seems hard to believe, but please trust me when I say this: Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, then it's not the end, right?

While I'm gone, I know that things will change. And I want you to promise me that they will change in better. Yuna, I believe in you and in the fact that you can do it, anything you'd want to do. And I support you in anything, even from far, far away. I wish that you would always remember that.

You made me believe that I can still be a savior, that I can still be a good person, that I could be less than lonely and selfish. And I'll never forget that.

So when I say that I love you, I will always love you and if there's a life after this, I'll love you then too... I wish you'd never forget this either.

Because this is not a farewell, I'll see you soon.

Jimin x