Imperfectly Beautiful (Jordan Knight Fanfic, Liadan #3)

Alarms

Warning: This chapter contains sensitive content.

-NATE-

"Is something wrong?" Paige asked as she gazed up at the E.R. doctor who silently maneuvered around a fetal doppler on her stomach. "Should we be able to hear a heartbeat?"

The doctor gave an expression that I couldn't quite read before turning to us, "I'm going to consult with my colleagues in obstetrics to get an idea of exactly what tests and images we need to run."

"But should we be hearing a heartbeat?" Paige's voice was panicked.

I could feel tears rim my eyelids and a ball lodge in my throat.

"Well, I don't want to make any diagnoses just yet. I want to get a full picture here to determine how to move forward. In the meantime, we've got you on an IV drip with some painkillers to help ease the pain and help with cramping."

"But what about the baby?" I interjected. "You didn't answer her question. Should you be detecting a heartbeat? Why don't we hear anything?"

The doctor looked hesitant as he turned to us, "Well, you're still very early in the pregnancy at 8 weeks. It's not always possible to detect the heartbeat with a doppler at this stage," he explained as he looked between the two of us. "I think the ultrasound will be a better way to analyze the situation. I don't want you to be alarmed."

"Well, we are," I looked at him. "We want to know if our baby is okay and why we can't hear a heartbeat."

"I understand, sir. The obstetrician will be a lot more experienced in this than I am and able to give you more insight. The good thing right now is Mom's vitals are stable and although there's signs of cramping, we're getting those under control. I promise, you're in good hands and we'll get you both answers, okay?"

No, it wasn't okay, but I realized no amount of berating was going to get me the information I wanted.

My mind was still spinning as Paige made some background comments that went right in one ear and out the other.

All of my nerves were on edge and I was sure I'd fall apart any second.

Finally, the doctor gave a small smile to each of us before stepping out the room and leaving Paige and I alone with only the sound of our breathing and the beeps of the machines.

I ran my fingers through my hair, "Is the pain medicine helping?"

"I think so," Paige's voice was low. "Sharp pains still come every few minutes or so, but they've slowed. What about you? Are you okay?"

I could feel whiplash-like tension building in my neck from the impact of slamming on my breaks, but I tried to ignore it as I willed my racing heart and throbbing temples to calm down.

"I'm fine," I turned to her. "I just feel awful for putting you through all of this drama. It's one thing after another lately and this trip has turned into a disaster all the way around. The paparazzi, the accident, the figuring us out, and now the baby could—" I started and then stopped to try to contain my emotions. "It just shouldn't be like this. I didn't want any of this for you or for me and I feel responsible for all of it."

Paige's brown eyes met mine, "Well, you know, I told you we didn't have to do this together. I can take care of things myself. If this isn't what you wanted then you shouldn't be doing it just because."

"That's not what I'm saying and I wish you'd stop telling me that we don't have to do this together."

"Why? It's the truth, Nathan. Just be honest with me and stop being Mr. Nice Guy all the time. You don't have to always say the perfect thing, you can be real. I've fallen in love with you, but you don't love me and you regret getting me pregnant. If that's how you feel, just say it."