Imperfectly Beautiful (Jordan Knight Fanfic, Liadan #3)

Counselors and Cases

-MARIA-

"There's been a mistake, Maria, it's a set up. I'm not saying he did everything right, but it was a set up."

As my father's words repeated themselves over and over in my head, my heart thundered in my ears and a deep, stirring, all-encompassing shiver trailed over my entire body.

For the second time that night, sweat trickled down my back and I was hot and cold at the same time.

I was also simultaneously comforted and confused.

But, most of all, confused.

I sucked in long, deep breaths until my sore lungs couldn't take the inhales and exhales anymore.

In and out. In and out. In. And. Out.

After nearly a week straight of crying, I couldn't seem to muster my tears no matter how I hard I tried and yet with all the conflicting thoughts and emotions pelting me at once, all I really wanted to do was to break down into one more really good cry. Much like a newborn baby, I couldn't think of any other way to express myself.

My brain was on overload and I couldn't decide if I was relieved or shocked or angry or hurt or sad or heartbroken or some other emotion that I couldn't identify. In some ways, I felt everything and in other ways, I felt nothing. I was in a state of excited numbness.

The room around me spun in slow motion and my eyes stayed fixated on my fingers—especially my empty left ring finger that had gone from holding my beloved Cinderella engagement ring to being miserably naked for the past 7 days—168 hours—10,080 minutes—604,800 seconds.

In the face of losing forever, it'd felt like the start of a dark journey where every second hurt more than the last.

"Can we find a way to work through this?"

Tony's familiar, rumbling voice that had been the source of so much love and pain over the past 7 years echoed around me and over me, but I still couldn't drag myself from my own thoughts enough to truly respond.

I was emotionally drained.

He placed his much larger and battered hand over my fingers to break my gaze whilst I felt his other hand trail along my jawline. He gently captured my chin before tilting my head up for his cobalt blue eyes to blaze into my chocolate brown ones like the hottest ends of a flame.

As intense as the stare was, I couldn't make myself look away. Instead, a painful gargle forced its way from my throat as all the old memories I'd drug up in my brain spun through my head and I felt like I was reliving every second of the entire time that I'd known him and I was trying hard to decipher exactly what it all meant.

How had we ever gotten here?

"Marisa?" Tony breathed as he knelt before me.

I scanned my eyes over the features of his face—the dark circles that suggested he hadn't slept in days, his sunken cheeks, chapped lips, and pale undertones of his usually tanned skin. He was a vision of heartache and just looking at him sent pains reverberating through my chest.

I thought I'd done a lot of growing up and learning how to stand on my own two feet over the past several years, but looking into his eyes, I didn't see a strong woman reflected back. Just a heartbroken little girl who was so far from strong or confident, that she had no idea how to be either one.

Tony had an impeccable hold on me that I couldn't put into words—with just one turn of events he could send me soaring up to the clouds or tumbling down to the deepest pits of despair and at the moment, that concept was terrifying.