lie //yoonmin

39 // yoongi

I wake up with dried tears on my face. I've never felt this much pain in my life. This is what I've turned into. Jimin thought I would hurt him. Physically hurt him. Like his ex. He probably sees me as that horrible woman.

I splash some water onto my face and contemplate whether I should even leave my room. I don't want to face him but I really hope he didn't leave last night in that downpour. 

Fuck- what if he did? What if he never got home? I rush out of my bedroom to find Jimin actually asleep against the wall in front of my door.

"Baby," I whisper, feeling my heart lunging towards the small blonde boy curled up on the floor. I can't believe he spent the night in the hallway without anything to keep him warm.

I hesitate before scooping him up and bringing him inside my room. He noticeably lighter and thinner. I lay him down on my bed and pull the sheets over him until I feel his skin start to warm again.

I want so badly to lie down with him but I'm terrified of doing the wrong thing. So instead, I head down stairs to make breakfast. It'll be the first time I've cooked in weeks. I throw away the empty ramyeon cups I failed to notice before and get to work on cutting up fruit and making fresh waffles.

As I start putting the food on plates I hear a sleepy Jimin say my name.

"Yoongi?" he wanders into the kitchen with my yellow blanket wrapped around him. 

He adores that blanket. Always insisted on having it whenever we had nights in or even just slept together. I kept it in a drawer after he left because I couldn't stand to look at it, but I guess Jimin found it.

"H-hey Jimin," I reply unsure of what I should say to him.

As I'm about to speak up about last night, he beats me to it.

"I'm sorry Yoongi," he says. "That wasn't your fault. I don't know why I did that. Please don't be hurt, I'm just stupid and overly sensitive."

"Don't talk about yourself like that," I say, just wanting things to go back to normal. "Let's eat first, then we can talk things out."

He nods, but he never touches the food.

"Jimin, please eat," I say, ignoring the fact that I haven't been either.

"N-no," he shakes his head. "Maybe if I was skinnier like Jun-"

"Don't even say it Jimin," I say, trying to hold the anger down. I don't want to scare him again.

"I don't want you to look like him, I want you to look like you," I say as gently as I can.

"I'll eat if you eat," he decides finally.

- - -

We're sitting on my couch with a respectable distance between us. A distance that I want to close so badly.

"So- you gonna explain now?" He says staring down at the yellow blanket draped over his lap.

"Jiminie I wasn't lying," I start. "When I said I love you, I wasn't lying. I love you so much that it terrifies me. I've only ever loved anyone once before and I fucked it up and I was so scared when I thought I had fucked up with you too. I shouldn't have lied to you about Jungkook in the first place, I was just so scared you'd leave if I told you the truth-"

"I-" Jimin tried to say something but I don't let him.

"Just let me finish, please," I say with pleading eyes. I just need to get everything out.

"If I'm honest I don't have a solid reason for why I kissed Jungkook. Everything was just such a mess when I saw him and I guess I never really got closure after he broke up with me. I know that isn't an excuse and trust me I hate myself for what I did. I don't want him, I just want you. I couldn't explain why I did it so I just lied and, Jiminie, I'm so so sorry. I swear I'll never do something like that again, I just need you back. Everything has fallen apart since you left I need you back."