lie //yoonmin

40 // Jimin

I wake up in the middle of the night feeling strangely cold. I reach for Yoongi beside me in the dark to find he's no longer there.

"Yoongi," I whimper, still half asleep. "S' cold."

No answer.

"Yoongi?" I say a little louder.

I flick the lights on to find empty sheets. His phone and wallet gone from the side table. I remember clearly that we went to bed together. Yesterday we cuddled for a long time. He kept apologizing while I kept forgiving him. We ordered takeout and watched movies. And then we fell asleep.

I wander down the stairs only to be met with disappointment. I guess he went out?

At 1am. That completely makes sense.

Why doesn't he tell me anything. Am I that untrustworthy? Or an I not important enough to confide in?

I sit down on the couch with my legs pulled up to my chest, trying to ignore the hurt in my heart. The hurt I wasn't supposed to be feeling anymore.

We love each other. Love isn't supposed to hurt.

I lay down on the couch, clutching my phone to my chest in case he calls. I could call first but I don't want him to be annoyed with me or think I'm too clingy.

I hope I didn't do something wrong.

---

This time I wake up to a slam of the door and heavy footsteps. I jerk awake almost falling off the couch in the process.

"Yoongi," I say sadly when I see my boyfriend drag himself into the living room, drunk and about to collapse.

He looks over at my with a dead look in his eyes.

"I'm a fucking failure Jimin," he mutters.

He wraps his arms around me and leans his head on my shoulder. "Make it better please."

"Make what better?" I say, trying to ignore the strong scent of alcohol coming off him.

"Make me forget. Make me forget every way that I've messed up. Let me feel- like I have control of something."

With that last word he shoved me back onto the couch, kissing me harshly, his hands wandering down my sides.

"Yoongi," I protest, trying to squirm away from him.

"Don't talk baby," he says, kissing down my neck, nipping at my skin occasionally.

I can't help but moan at the feeling of his hot tongue on my cold skin. I don't start to panic until his hands slip under my sweater. He's never touched me like that before.

I can feel my heart rate increasing as he tries to tug off my clothes. I want him, but not like this. Not when he's drunk. Not until I'm sure that he won't run when he sees my body.

"Yoongi please," I beg, on the verge of tears. "Stop."

Hearing my broken voice he looks up at me. His eyes widen in realization. He sobers up instantly.

"Oh my- Jimin- I'm so sorry. I-" he pulls away from me, landing on the other end of the couch while staring at his hands in shock.

"I'm a horrible boyfriend! What am I doing?! I can't even believe I did that. Fuck I'm so sorry Jimin. I know that's not enough I- I-"

I can tell he's panicking trying to figure out what to say. He looks up at me with his eyes screaming, 'I can't lose you again'.

"It's ok," I reply quietly. "It's ok, as long as you tell me why you were drunk."

He looks at me with a defeated look. I can see him contemplating.

"The truth Yoongi," I say sternly, feeling surprisingly stable after almost having an anxiety attack.

He sighs and pulls out his phone. "It's a stupid reason."

He hands it to me with his Twitter open.

#SugaIsOverParty is trending number one along with several other hateful hashtags. I look through it to find several news articles already discussing the cancellation of his novel. Calling him a failure.

"Ever never gotten criticism this bad before. And the worst part is they're not wrong," he sniffles, sitting criss-cross, making him look smaller than usual. "You should be with someone successful and who has a good job. Not an unemployed failure who let's everyone down."

"You're not a failure and I don't want you believing it just because fricking Dispatch says so," I say angrily.

"It's not just Dispatch-" He tries to argue but I'm not going to let him.

"Yoongi stop. You're not a failure to me. You aren't to any of your friends or the people who care about you. That's what's important. To me you're one of the most incredible, talented people I know," I say, moving next to him to lay his head down in my lap. 

"You haven't let me down. I'm still here." I smile.

"How could you say that when I almost just- r-raped y-" He sighs, unable to even say the words.

"You wouldn't have," I say, not wanting to consider that fact that he would have kept going if I didn't stop him. "You're just hurt and stressed and trying to let it out. I don't blame you."

If I'm honest, I've done quite a few stupid things when I was depressed or even the least bit under pressure. I don't blame him at all.

"I don't deserve you," Yoongi says for what seems like the 100th time since we got back together.

"Well that's too bad because you're all I want and need," I reply, leaning down to kiss both of his cheeks dusted with teardrops.

He doesn't say anything else and I brush my fingers through his hair until he starts to drift off. 

He looks so small, curled up on the coach with head in my lap. Little snores fell from his soft pink lips. He's much too hard on himself. 

Jin always says that we can make up for our mistakes as long as we do the right things to fix them. Yoongi is doing all the right things and I really have forgiven him for what happened with Jungkook. What happened tonight wasn't even his fault- it was the fault of the people who made him feel useless. It's them I'm mad at.

After a while of deep thinking about Yoongi and our relationship, my mind starts to wander back to the position we were in a little while ago.

If he wasn't drunk, would I have let him keep going? 

His hands running down my stomach- it felt good. It made my skin prickle with goosebumps and right now I want nothing more than to feel it again. I want to feel his fingers running all over me.

I wish I could have that without actually having to take my clothes off. Because I'm sure the moment I do, he won't want me anymore. Just like Jeongyeon.

~V

Jimi still scared :(

So I've started working on the VHope story :) It's going to be completely Tae's POV and about him finding his sexuality and getting close w Hobi all that.

The next to chapters are going to be the fluffiest shit you've ever seen so hold onto your uwus. Yoongi gets cheesier than nacho cheese.

ALSO- Wattpad keeps mixing up my chapters. I thought it was just doing that on my page but someone commented saying it was messed up for them too. So if the chapters seem out of order pls pls DM me so I can fix it ! Wattpad needs to get it's shit together smh