when the stars align (j.benn)

fallout

Three and a half hours is the oh so short amount of time it took for me to get up, somehow, get my beautiful hangover to calm down, puke a few times, shower, change, and get the boys up and ready.
  "Hey Tom.
  "You're coming to morning skate right?"
  "Uh I mean i can. I was going to go to Nashville's morning skate. I mean if you all need me to I'll be there."
"Oh. Well, we just need you for a few quick things. I promise you'll be able to make most of Nashville's morning skate."
"I'll be there as soon as I can."
I end the call sighing heavily.
"Boys I'm off to work. Lock up before you leave. I'd leave in an hour to make it to the AAC on time because I know you boys will get lost." I call slipping my phone in the side pocket of my leggings before getting in my Audi.
~
My hears were filled with the sound of sharp blades cutting the ice and sticks coming in contact with a hard piece of frozen rubber.
  "You look great." Tom chuckles upon seeing me.
  "I look hungover. I have no idea when I went to bed last night. I don't remember anything after 9:30."
He gives me a concerned look before nodding towards the ice.
  "We need a few social posts about the boys practicing and a post saying that Jamie is in the lineup for tonight."
I bob my head before following him to the small office we had in the practice facility.
I sit down in the plush seat starting to type up a Twitter post about Jamie's condition.
  "I don't know of this is going to make you feel better or worse but Jamie is doing double time in practice this morning. Coach found out what he did and wasn't too happy."
I say nothing but instead take a sip from my overly sweet iced coffee.
  "That's why I'm here isn't it? You guys didn't really need me here. Coach and the team just wanted me here so I would talk to Jamie." I laugh softly shaking my head. I push myself out of the chair.
  "I have to go. I promised Nashville I would be at their morning skate."
Tom takes a hold of my arm. He shakes his looking into my eyes.
  "No you can't leave yet. I love you, Brianna, but I love this team too. If Jamie has a bad night that whole team has a bad night, and right now that whole team is pissed at Jamie especially his number one defender and goalie. We can't have that. We can't have a social media coordinator who isn't talking to the captain of the team. Please just let Jamie talk and listen to what he has to say."
I huff before nodding my head giving in to the public relations manager.
It is not that I am mad at Jamie I just have no idea how to treat this situation.
My brows furrow as I finally process what Tom had said.
  "Who else is mad at him besides Benji?"
Tom leads me out of the office and by the ice so I could still get pictures and videos for the Snapchat account and Twitter.
  "Most of the team is pretty upset with him , but Rookie was all torn up when he heard Jamie yesterday during practice. It was bad. I haven't seen that kid ever mad but yesterday he was livid. Faska and Hintz had to take him for a walk to cool down before he could even be let back into the locker room."
I guess I have never taken the time to realize how much Miro was actually attached to me. I wasn't much older than him but I definitely watched out for him like an older sister would. He was my boy and I have to protect him. I guess he sees our relationship the same way by the sounds of it.
My focus is pulled from my thoughts as I hear a loud bang and the all familiar sound of a body hitting the ice.
I lean against the glass seeing that Miro was standing-more like being held- back from the figure on the ground. I only assume that it is Jamie from the lack of speed in helping him up.
I hated to know that I was part of the reason for this. It physically pains me seeing how divided the team was. There are two thirds that are acting like they want absolutely nothing to do with Jamie while the other fraction seems to only be interacting with Jamie because he is either on their line or because he is the captain.
I hang my head hearing coach blow his whistle and frustratingly say that practice was over.
I step back and let the players have space to get to the locker room without any disturbance.
The moments of peace I had were interrupted when the sound of a stick and gloves dropping to the concrete floor.
I look up from my feet to be greeted by Miro pulling me into a tight hug.
It was a slightly awkward hug since the boy still had his pads on but it didn't seem to bother him.
I hug him tightly shaking my head slightly.
  "Go get dressed, kid. We can talk afterwards." I murmur knowing that he would want to know how I was and express his thoughts on the situation.
Miro nods his head before picking up his gear and walking towards the locker room.
I smile faintly seeing Dobby walk by giving me a gentle smile and a nod of his head.
I glance down at my feet hating the sympathetic looks and smiles i was getting from my team. I don't want their sympathy. I don't want their pity. It's not like he told me to go rot in hell. He just yelled at me for apparently loving the Preds and Arvy more than him,
I walk away from the bench and locker room door not being able to stand there anymore. I know that I would break down if I make eye contact with my brother or Tyler.
I answer my phone when it starts to buzz against my thigh.
  "Yeah, bud? What's going on?"
  "Are you coming to morning skate? Coach is waiting for you. He was pretty excited."
I smile hearing Roman on the other line.
  "Uh I am but I'll be a little late. I have to talk to Jamie. It's not an option I have. I promise I will be there as soon as possible. Tell him to get the agilities out of they way so I don't have to do them."
Roman laughs before telling me bye and hanging up.
I jump hearing someone clear their throat behind me.
My eyes connect with a pair of warm chocolate colored ones.
I quickly divert my attention to the ground too awkward and embarrassed to look him in the eyes.
"No no. Please don't do that. Please look at me. I'm sorry. I know sorry isn't going to do shit but I'm sorry. I uh I didn't mean to yell at you. I could make a thousand and one excuses for why I said what I did yesterday but none of them are going to justify it. It was fucked up. I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I didn't exactly get my point across how I wanted. You do light up when someone talks about the Preds or Arvy. I know that you love them and I know that's not going to change. You have grown with those boys. I didn't express me loving you well either. I sounded like I hated you. Brie, I really do love you. I don't expect you to say it back right now. I really don't. That's not why I'm saying it now. I expect you to say it when you feel ready. I know that when you're ready I'm going to fall under the same umbrella as the Preds and Arvy. I mean I hope that I will. I don't want to rush you and push you to do something you're uncomfortable with either. I'm so sorry about yelling at you yesterday. I uh I don't know why i decided to take my frustration and anger out on you. You've been the glue holding me together over the last week." Jamie rambles his eyes flickering from my face to his hands back up to me then to the ice.
My eyes are glossy as I listen to his words.
I feel terrible for this and none of this is really my fault. I shake my head swallowing harshly. I don't know what to say to him.
'Hey i love you but I'm nervous that if we don't work out that it will make our jobs complicated'? No that sounds pathetic.
  "Please say something. Please."
My heart aches hearing the wobble in his voice which causes my eyes to focus on his.
The warm chocolatey color was gone and replaced with an empty flat brown color that was just coated with sadness and regret.
  "Jamie, I uh. I don't know what to say. This isn't something easy for me. I love Nashville and the guys on it. I still love Arvy. That's never going to change because he is and was such a vital part in my life. Does that mean that I love him more than you? No. It doesn't. Does that mean I love the Preds more than I do you? No. That just means I love them. I love a lot of things like dogs, marvel movies, fuzzy blankets, cute socks, hockey games. The list goes on and on but none of that takes away how I feel about you. I'm just i guess I'm scared. You're the captain. You were that C on your chest with pride. I don't want us possible not working out to effect either of our jobs. I've seen what an impact a breakup can cause on a hockey players game. I just don't want that to happen to you."
He shakes his head before tentatively grabbing my waist. When I don't object he pulls me into his chest and nuzzles his face into my neck.
  "I'm so sorry. I didn't know how you felt and I never asked. I promise, baby, that I will pay more attention to your worries and feelings. I'm so so sorry."
My arms wrap around him holding his sweaty post-practice body close to mine.
  "I'm sorry too. I should have told you. I do love you though. I love you a lot more than I think either of us can comprehend."
Our moment is broken up by the locker room door slamming shut and my brother yelling, "Brianna Blair Bishop! If you don't answer you phone I'm going to murder you. Your side hoe hockey team is blowing up Tyler and I's phones."
Jamie and I laugh before I shake my head.
  "Want to go sit in on a morning skate?"