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Crazy

You know in the movies when someone gets hospital tests done then they are told to come back after some days to collect them only for their doctor to call them?

I was so bored and idle as I anxiously waited for my results to be ready. You never realise how much time you have until you are anxious and unsettled.

So I walked into the kitchen and opened a jar of peanut butter when I woke up that morning at seven. I would not be going to school today because I am in university and I can scive classes without being followed around by lecturers. Besides that, I shared this class with Zippy and she could sign me in.

About the peanut butter, I opened the jar and stuck my finger.

Not a day in my life had I ever licked peanut butter. I was ever disgusted by the thought. I could never understand how people just sat down to lick peanut butter, it did not even taste nice on bread or anywhere for that matter.

Boredom and idleness were courting me when I found my hand in the peanut butter jar like Pooh in the hives for honey. It was my first time and terrifying; as well as wonderful. Just like my first time having sex which was terrifying and..wonderful.

Turns out peanut butter when licked was actually phenomenal like first time consensual sex. The first time came with some uncertainty, but after realising it was not as horrible as I had put it, I stuck my finger in one, two many more times than the fingers on my hands. Each time digging out a bigger portion. Realising what a beautiful sport this was, I picked a plastic spoon and walked with the jar to the living room.

I sat on the couch furthest from the window that seemed to do a dip as if someone removed it's wooden support and dug my spoon into the jar. I could not believe how much of my growing up went by without me licking peanut butter.

Somewhere along the way I dropped the spoon onto the floor and started using my fingers again. The science of peanut butter is something that will probably go unanswered. This science that makes peanut butter taste different when I use my finger and when I use a spoon. Using my fingers came with a much richer taste. Like the science of food straight from the pan, it tastes better from the pan than from the serving bowl.

"So..I take it you're ready," came Alex's inquiring voice behind me who was about to drift asleep.

I totally forgot that I needed to prepare for the hospital because the results would be out today.

"Thirty minutes!" I shouted as I rushed up the stairs with my jar of peanut butter. As I ran up, I heard a feminine voice behind me and knew that it was Zippy. Was it already mid day?

A quick shower was no problem. Choosing an outfit was the problem, not in an "I'm trying to look cute way" but in a "Nothing fits way"

Zippy was walking into my room when I had already thrown a number of clothes on the ground.

Frustrated, I walked to my bed forgetting I had said thirty minutes.

I needed to come clean to Zippy about certain things she had warned me of.

"So I'm going to the hospital...it's probably PID," I said looking at the wall waiting for her I told you so.

"I told you so."

There she said it...and more.

"I always told you to be careful with that boy, but you never listened. Even bought you condoms since you wouldn't buy them yourself. Only God knows what possessed you to take your pills." She snapped.

The tone of her voice made me feel some type of way. Borderline hurt and pissed off. She was however right, she warned me, but I was careless and too trusting. She really did spoon-feed me, but I never listened to her.

"Also...that day at the club with Alex and his friend. They... I don't think they tried to spike my drink. I've been sick for a while now," I added pulling up a pair of sweat pants I spotted.

Sweatpants that were adamant in their quest to not go past my thighs, but I would show them who was boss. I did that jump, jump, hop-scotch type of dance trying to force myself into the pants, but failed. I then notice Zippy staring at me like the description goosebumps gives of creepy staring dolls.

"What?"I ask kicking off the sweatpants and putting on black tights and a long shirt I got off Chris.

A shirt I swore not to ever touch again.

"You really thought you wouldn't gain weight with the way you've been eating?" She demands holding my now empty jar of peanut butter.

"Did you finish my peanut butter?"

I asked forgetting her reference to me as fat because I was so sure I left something in there.

"I am done signing you in for class because you are still mopping over Chris"

Those were among the many things she said that I will not disclose as she left.

So let's go back to how in movies people get called by their doctors about their lab test results.

My doctor never called, and I was too disheartened to leave for the hospital.

A future fat yet already forgetful and yearning for closure girl.

On her death bed.