Listen

Thinking and sitting

I sat on my bed for long, I really did. For no reason in particular. I just woke up that morning and something told me to sit and think, that thing was like the voice that commanded my breathing and blinking. Think and sit because there was something in the picture that was missing. Something so obvious, but I could not see. Something waiting for me to come to a realisation. Something as obvious as looking at someone wave at you, but you don't see them in as much as you are facing their direction. To be unaware yet aware, but not quite sure of what.

Thinking and sitting.

My mind while trying to piece something together, must have sat down because I could not figure out what it was. Something was definitely going on upstairs, stress or my intuition; or maybe it was the four assignments I was yet to start on.

So I paced the house. Upstairs, downstairs and to my lady chambers. Something was bothering me, you could almost say "something was not sitting right with my spirit". Whatever it was, I was sure my Google self diagnosis was not it. I was ready to die or so I thought, it's better than suffering from a broken heart.

So I cleaned the house in an effort to "clear my mind". I scrubbed it raw and organized everything like someone with OCD or some type of similar complex. My mind was not yet calm, it was as though I was cleaning the wrong house.

So I took my assignments and started working on them. I opened about thirty tabs but my morale had a sudden death.

Thinking and sitting.

I stood up and went by the window wondering if I should call Zippy when I remembered our fight. Actually, her fight because I did no such thing as fight. She did it all, played the roles of protagonist and antagonist.

Standing by the window, it dawned on me as I looked at nothing in particular.

At first, I thought it was okay to react how she did.

"Take a seat," I found myself telling myself aloud and pulled a chair next to the window.

Sitting and thinking.

She is mad at me for not getting over Chris. She is also fed up with me and hates signing the attendance form for me. How hard is it to do your friend a favour and just sign? It's not like I was skipping all my classes. It's just the common units that I would skip, they were boring and full of irritating people. Not to mention, overcrowded.

Why was she being like this? I thought we were best friends.

Thought.

That's the problem with 'I thoughts'. You don't really know, you keep thinking and believing what people say or claim or whatever is in your head. Then when they do not materialise, you get so hurt.

Just like I thought with Chris.

Expectations lead to disappointments, said expectations are I thoughts.

Still staring out the window, I felt everything I had not eaten rise up my throat just as a familiar scent filled the air.