Secret Agent (Jhope X reader)

Chapter 12 - A Break

The rain danced around the buildings of the city, the sky grey but black, as if there was hope..but I knew there wasn't. My body felt like led, every move was heavy with guilt and every time I blinked all the fear came rushing back. The despair in hoseok's eyes tore apart my entire body, shaking me to the core.. even now. I hugged my knees tighter, I wanted it to go away. I wanted this to all go away. I'm a danger. A threat. A killer. All I was capable of was hurting everyone around me. I thought I was safe but I was wrong. I am just as bad as xiumin. All I can do is hurt people. kill people. The knives in my body cut through me like ice, chilling me to the bone. My head was filled with words battling to be heard first. The room spun. I felt lost. poisonous. Dangerous. Destructive. Dead.

"Y/n!" A warm soft silk rested in my ears, slowly filtering through my body. "Breath" I looked up to see hoseok's face. Finally my senses started coming back to me, I was shaking and breathing erratically, my heart was racing and my legs felt weak. "It's okay, you're okay-" "stay away from me" I push him away and stumble back a little. "Y/n-" "stay. Away." I warn him again, falling back against the wall and sliding to the floor. "Okay.." He whispers quietly before walking away.

After the car chase id become reclusive. I tried not to talk to the boys and avoided them at all costs. I left before they woke and got back after they were asleep. They tried to talk to me, namjoon stayed up a few nights as did Hosoek but I couldn't be near them. Yet something wouldn't let me leave their dorm, I felt like I had to protect them but staying to protect them put them in more danger but if I left I'd have no way of protecting them and it was a big a mess. It was the first time in my job that I feel scared, scared of the unknown. I knew it was a mistake to bring them closer , yet I did it anyway. And now I had to face the consequences. I stopped eating. Which wasn't uncommon for me. I loved of tea and juice with ridiculous amounts of sugar. I even started sleeping at my office. Waking up on the desk and showering in the locker room. Rotating through 2 shirts, 2 trousers and 2 pairs of underwear. I spoke to no one but Zoe unless it was necessary for the investigation. Sometimes I even worked through the night.

Eventually baekhyun slammed my office door. "You're going home" I simply stared at my laptop, not bothering to reply. "Y/n. You're not staying here one more day" he walks to my desk slamming his hands down. "I don't have to answer your nor obey you so get out my office" I reply coldly, still typing. Suddenly my computer goes back as he holds up the power cable. "What the fuck" I jump up and grab it, severing pain through my leg "argh~" making me grab the desk for support. "Look at you! You're weak! You're a mess!" He shouts angrily. "None of what has to do with you!" I shout back, gritting my teeth. "Guys please.." Zoe's voice was quiet and gentle. "Y/n .. can I talk to you?" Baekhyun storms out the room "I'm not done!" I sit back down slowly, relieving some of the pain coursing through my veins. "Y/n .. he's right.. you need to go home .. you need to see them" "you saw what happened when I was near them! ........ It won't happen again." I look out the window, hiding my hurt under layers of coldness. "Y/n" Zoe's hand was warm as it took mine, "You're not eating. You're not sleeping. You're injured from the crash still and you're making yourself ill" she pulls my hand gently so I look at her. "I'm scared y/n.. you're the strongest person I know .. and you're this frail .. go home. Sleep. Eat. Spend time with the boys. It's the only way you'll get better" "I have to work" "can't you see? Your work is failing because you're wasting away! You need them boys just as much as they need you. Go home y/n" She hands me a file, "xiumin has left the country and is none of our concern until he comes back. Baekhyun will lead the gang investigation while you're not here.. he'll do all the paper work and interviews" i smile softly "I hate that part" "exactly, go home y/n .. take a few days off .. please" she pulls me into her warm body and hugs me tight. "Thank you zo.." I mumble softly, closing my eyes as not to cry. She was right. I need those boys.