Sleeping With the Enemy

Chapter Seventeen

"So, you're actually going to do this?" I feel Alex's gaze on me but I refuse to look at him as I run my fingers over the diamond ring in my hands. We've been at the jewelry store for close to an hour, trying to find the perfect thing from Sadie. So far, nothing has struck me. Everything is too generic, too cheap looking for her.

"Do you have any better ideas?" I ask, handing the ring back to the attendant who promptly hands me another.

"I just feel like there has to be a better way. Marriage is supposed to be sacred and by forcing her like this..."

"First of all, she's the one that forced my hand. What the hell am I supposed to do?" I say. "The last thing I want to do is ruin the sanctity of marriage like this, but it's the only way I can legally protect her from Herrera. And protect this whole family."

"She doesn't know that much." Alex is vehemently against me marrying Sadie this way and he's tried to convince me otherwise all morning.

"She knows enough, Alex." I huff rejecting that ring as well. "And it won't matter to Herrera how much she knows. He's on a witch hunt. He'll use her to get to me and she'll end up hurt or in jail."

"You're going to break her heart."

He knows that's a low blow and completely unfair. "I thought you were here to help."

"Okay." He finally concedes. I know he doesn't agree with me, but he finally realizes the fight is pointless. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

"Yeah, me too." I mumble, scanning the counter one last time. I feel like I've looked at every single ring they have, but I haven't found the one.

I get up and walks towards another case, growing restless. This isn't the first time I've thought about giving a ring to Sadie, I just envisioned having more time. Time to design it and plan. Everything about this feels rushed and impersonal and I fucking hate it.

I'm so frustrated with her for putting us in this position. She's the one who betrayed me and made a deal with the feds in order to take my family down, yet I'm being chastised by my brother. Even my dad isn't as phased by this as I thought he would be. Why am I the only one so hurt by her betrayal? I know the answer to that question. It's because I love her so much. Because her betrayal feels so personal, especially after the night we had shared together. In my heart, I would like to think that she would've told me what was going on the next morning, but I'll never know for sure.

A part of me could see where she was coming from. I know she felt like she had no other option, and who could blame her for being terrified in a position like that? Adam fucked up, but he was a kid, and Herrera capitalized on Sadie's weaknesses and used her as a pawn in whatever game he's playing. She feels so ashamed and guilty, but my sympathy is kind of short. If she had just come to me we could have avoided this entire mess. Still, her pain breaks me. How can I be so angry with her, yet still want to fix this and make her feel better?