Sleeping With the Enemy

Chapter Thirty Four

8 years ago

"Sadie, please slow down." I beg, reaching for her hand. "You have no idea what you're doing."

I watch my girlfriend throw her and her brother's necessities into a duffle bag, preparing to run away from the only home they've ever known. It's been eight days since her parents were killed, and if I thought she was bad before, she's completely gone off the deep end now.

She jerks her arm away from me, the biggest tears I've ever seen streaming down her face. "I know exactly what I'm doing. I can't do this anymore, Brandon. I can't act like what's happening is okay."

"Sadie, my dad is doing everything he can to bring justice to your parents. Just because you don't get to know everything..."

"They were my fucking parents, Brandon!" She shrieks. "I should get to know everything that's being done. They dedicated their entire lives to this group, and no one's doing a damn thing to find the people who murdered them."

"They're working on it. It's not like this happens overnight. You need to give it time. I know you're upset right now, but running away like this isn't going to help anything." I've never seen her so hysterical and it's tearing my heart out.

"I can't stand to hear you defend them anymore." She sobs. "You couldn't possibly understand what this is like for me."

"Because you won't talk to me!" I bellow, throwing my arms in the air. "I would give anything to know how you're feeling right now, but you've completely shut me out."

"Because you're one of them. All I would get from you is more excuses and more justification for this bullshit."

"Are you out of your mind?" I grab her arm, forcing her to look at me. "Did you forget who you're talking to here? You're everything to me baby, I love you more than life itself. You know I would move heaven and earth to defend you and make this right if I could. We've always been real with each other, whether it's good or it's bad, and you saying that I wouldn't support you is a cop out. You're trying to make leaving easier on yourself."

Sadie pulls away from me as if I slapped her right in the face. "You're so deep into this now that you can't even see how you're changing."

"Sadie..." I let out a breath of pure exasperation. "I'm the same person I've always been. You've known who I was since we were five." Tears sting my eyes. "I love you and I can't let you do this."

She pauses for a second, but her hesitation is brief. "I love you too, but I can't stand to think of what you'll become if you do this. I can't stay here and watch it. It's already taken too much for me."

"So what then?" I throw my arms in the air. "You think I'm going to turn into some kind of monster and are just deciding you're going to rip the Band-Aid off now? You're going to walk away like everything we had never existed? Throw our relationship away just because you need some control over your life? Like we didn't promise our lives to each other no matter what?"

Sadie wipes at tears on her cheek. The pissed off side of me fights the urge to comfort her. "Brandon, you know how much I love you, but this place is killing me. I have to get out of here before something happens to Adam. He's all the family I've got left."

Her words take the wind right out of my lungs. "How the fuck can you say that to me?"

"Brandon..." Her face falls.

"No." I spit back. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to act like this is my fault. I know you're doing this right now because you feel helpless and you're trying to get some control back. But that doesn't mean you get to hurt people. That you get to throw me under the bus and act like I haven't been supportive to you or there when you needed me."

"I'm sorry." She bites her lip, shaking her head. "I didn't mean it like that. Of course, you've supported me, and you've always been there for me. I just... I can't stand the thought of Adam getting hurt and that's exactly what's going to happen if we stay here. I'm too late to save you, but maybe I can still save him."

She's completely irrational, but the pain in her eyes cuts me to my absolute core. "Baby please. I'm begging you. Don't leave like this. Stay with me tonight and let's figure out how to fix it. I'll talk to my dad, I'll do whatever you want me to."

"Brandon, I wish it was that easy." She sobs, resting her forehead on my shoulder. "But we both know you're not going to change your dad's mind. And I don't want to put you in that position. I don't want to leave you, but I can't stay here. This place has literally broken me down so far I don't even recognize myself anymore. I have to get us out of here."

"I can't change your mind?" My voice is hoarse with emotion.

She shakes her head. "You could come with me. We could go somewhere far away and start over..."

"Sadie, this is my life, I have responsibilities here. I'm not going anywhere. We were supposed to do this together." It physically hurts me to say those words. To tell her no, and solidify our fate.

"I know. And you're going to be an incredible leader someday." The defeat is heavy in her voice.

"Damn it, Sadie, don't do this." I beg one last time, hoping for some kind of miracle.

Sadie swallows, sliding my ring off of her finger. She places it gently into my palm and squeezes my hand shut. "I will love you for the rest of my life. I'm so sorry I can't be the person you need."

She grabs her bag and heads out the door. I feel like I'm watching a car about to crash, knowing the destruction that's coming, but unable to stop it.

"Please don't tell your dad until the morning. That should give us enough of a head start."

"Sadie!" I call after her, my feet refusing to move.

Part of me wants to follow and beg her–no force her–to stay. The other part of me wants to let her go, to spread her wings and see what she thinks she's missing out on. And the very smallest piece of me feels betrayed beyond belief. That if she really feels that way, I'm better off without her.

I'm furious at myself for even having that thought, though. She's angry, saying things she didn't mean and not thinking clearly. She thinks my dad is blowing off her parents' murder but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I begged him to tell her what's going on so that she doesn't feel so isolated and in the dark, but he's adamant not to. He wants to protect her so badly that he's willing to let her hate him.

By the time I knock myself out of the shock, I make it downstairs just in time to see her taillights heading down the road. Sadie's gone. She really left. She'd thrown our entire lives away and walked out of here.

I could go after her but we'll just continue to fight, going around in the same circles we've been for months. Sadie's been waiting for the final straw for weeks. Her parents' death made it easy for her to run. It's a cop out because it's easier to be mad and hate us than to admit how badly she's hurting.

I feel like I've been sucker punched, my head spinning so much I can hardly see straight. Why didn't I do something, anything to convince her to stay? Why didn't I force her to stay? I don't even know who I am without Sadie anymore. It's like we're two parts of the same person and I just let her walk out of here. I'm so distraught that I double over in my front yard, nearly vomiting.

How will I ever survive without her?