If Not For You(Sequel to IML)

{1} - Unloading Baggage

bennyharris

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bennyharris Happy New Year! I'm enjoying this beautiful first day of 2019 with this beautiful person sebastiandanzig. At the end of each year I add to my photo albums pictures of the people and places that have impacted my life. This year had so many of you and your brothers. Each year gives me something new and this year the best by far was you. I take a lot of pictures and videos of everything around me. I used to think that was lame, but once I lost people, and years passed, and I started to forget the sounds of their voices and the lines on their skin, I changed my mind. I'd rather have too many memories than not enough. So here's to another memory filled year. I hope it treats you all well. (YOU'RE STILL NOT LOOKING sebastiandanzig)

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user1 you know she's serious when she doesn't do all caps
user2 are you two on a date????? bennyharris sebastiandanzig
remingtonleith happy new year Benny!!!!
user3 definitely user2
sebastiandanzig happy new year Bumblebee
user4 OMG!!!! She's Bumblebee???? sebastiandanzig
andyblack Happy new year Peanut
ceesespieces Happy new year kiddo!!!
user5 💙💙💙💙💙
user6 totally called it user4
niedosyt omg is this what you meant when you said potentially?
monicaollander how dare you keep this from us 😱
user7 that is the cutest!!!! user4 remember his cover of if I fell!!!!! That was for her!!!!
user8 omg yessss!!!!! user7 That is so sweet! Happy new year Benny! I hope it treats you well too!!!
user9 isn't she kinda young for him though user7
user10 age is just a number leave them be user9
user11 for all you know they aren't even dating user9

———

They were sitting at a table outside of a small cafe, two cups of tea and two cellphones sat on the table, untouched.
"So if we're gonna do this." Bethany gestured between the two of them, "you should know I come with baggage."
"Who doesn't?" Sebastian asked with a smile. "Yeah." She took a drink of her tea. "I guess I'll start at the beginning. I'm not biologically a Biersack. I mean, my name is Bethany Harris on all my social media. That should be a pretty big giveaway. I was born to Alan and Valarie Harris. I had an older brother, David." She smiled at the memories of her older brother. "My mother was into bad things before she got married and for a little while after they got married. Drugs and stuff. When she had David she got better. Well, kind of. Anyway. When David was in first grade he met Andy. Our parents became close friends with his. David was about nine when I was born. And that's when Mom went off the deep end. Post partum depression hit her hard and she got back into the drugs and alcohol. David took care of me more than either of our parents. From what I've been told things were really rocky for the first three years of my life. And then mom disappeared. Three days later they found out that she overdosed and killed herself in a motel room." Sebastian was listening intently. "Dad started working more so Andy's mom took care of us for awhile. It was about then that Dad asked Andy's parents to be mine and David's godparents should anything happen to him. Because his mom came by every morning before school and stuck around after school Andy spent most of his time at our house. Things were okayish. When I turned six David started walking me to school so Andy's mom stopped coming around so much. But Andy still came over all the time. Dad traveled more and we hardly saw him." It wasn't hard for her to talk about. It had been when it first happened, but it was so long ago now and she could barely remember them. "Shortly before my seventh birthday, on our way home from school we had a head on collision with a drunk driver. It's all pretty fuzzy because I've done my best to block it out, but there was glass everywhere and I had a lot of cuts. The airbag didn't work. David's head connected with the steering wheel. The car went off the road and I hit my head. I woke up upside down in the car. I passed out again in the ambulance and woke in the hospital. David was in the same room as me in his own bed. Andy was there. Dad wasn't, but he was coming. I was released fairly quickly. Minor concussion, some cuts and bruises. David wasn't so lucky. A broken leg, a serious concussion and he'd lost a lot of blood from the gash on his head. For two weeks I never left that hospital room. Andy came every day after school and sometimes spent the night. After two weeks they told Dad that David was brain dead. The only thing keeping him alive was all the machines he was attached to. In retrospect I should have known something was up when Andy spent the entire day with me on a Monday. But I was seven." She sighed and took a drink of her coffee. Sebastian reached across the table and took her hand. She smiled at him and kept going, "On Thursday May 11, at 8:00 am they pulled the plug on him because Dad couldn't keep paying the bills. Not on his salary. After Thursday evening I never saw Dad again though. He drove his truck off a bridge and killed himself. Andy said when Mom died it was really hard for dad, but he'd moved past it for the most part. Having to pull the plug on David destroyed him. I moved in with Andy and his parents. We never had a funeral for Dad. I don't know why. No one ever told me and I've never asked. And I don't have any pictures of him. I don't remember him at all, but I guess that's what they wanted." Sebastian sat silently, taking in everything she said. He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "That August I should have started second grade, but I was not in any frame of mind for that. Eventually, after months of not sleeping, not eating, not talking, they took me to a therapist, who diagnosed me with PTSD, as you know. Stress induced nightmares and flashbacks. It's something I still deal with, obviously, but I manage it pretty well now. I've got all sorts of fun tricks. Like," she let go of Sebastian's hand and dug through her purse before dropping a small plastic bag of kinetic sand onto the table. "this. Kinetic sand. I carried it with me to school everyday for eleven ish years. Cigarettes help best, but I try to avoid them. Usually I can keep my stress levels down, but things like finals and fights with my brother raise them or, um, the thing on graduation." She sighed.
"Wow." Sebastian didn't know what else to say. Things were making sense, pieces were falling into place.
"Yeah. My second Christmas with the Biersacks Andy gave me a photo album. Part of it had pictures of David and I and the other part had pictures of Andy and I. That was when I realized I still had a brother. It was when I realized I had never thought of Andy as anything other than my brother." She smiled and Sebastian grabbed her hand again. "I still had a family. By the time I was nine they were Mom and Dad and neither of them minded. And every year more people come into my life and I take pictures of the ones I think are most important, which is usually all of them, and put into my photo albums. And this year you took up a good portion of album." She sat back a bit and met his gaze. "So there you have it. The sad and tragic life story of Bethany Harris. And I don't want pity or anything like that. Twelve years is a long time. I've moved on. I just thought you should know what you're getting yourself into." They were quiet for a few minutes before Sebastian cleared his throat.
"Well, if we're sharing our baggage I guess I should too. My. . ." He struggled to find the right words, "alcoholism has been borderline at best for years, but last year it crossed the line. I can't keep pretending that I don't have a problem, that I'm not an. . . alcoholic." He wouldn't meet her eyes anymore. "I'm headed down a dark path I don't like and it's my own fault. It's up to me to fix the mess I've gotten myself into. It's been three days since I had anything to drink. It's not great, but small steps are better than no steps. It's simultaneously one of the hardest things I've done and one of the easiest. If that makes any sense whatsoever. I didn't want it to get this bad, but somewhere along the way it got away from me and I let it. Late nights, after parties and hours on the road with nothing to do somehow always lead to drinking. I haven't told anyone else that I'm trying to get sober because this is something I have to myself, but relationships are built on trust. And I didn't start out by keeping secrets from you." Bethany smiled softly.
"Dad once told me the only secrets you should keep from your spouse is what you got them for a present and how much it cost."
"Good advice." Bethany sighed in contentment.
"What combination we'll be. A recovering alcoholic and a nineteen year old with PTSD." She tried to lighten the mood.
"Yeah." Silence settled over them again.
"Wanna walk around? My leg is falling asleep." Bethany asked. Sebastian smiled.
"Sure."
"Great." She stood and offered him her hand, which he accepted.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked as they started walking.
"Positive. Unlike other girls you've been with I know what I'm getting myself into. I think. And I know I can handle long distance."
"And the age gap doesn't bother you?"
"Nope. Age is just a number. Sure, right now seven years seems like a lot, but in ten years when I'm twenty nine and you're thirty six it won't seem so bad." She leaned against him as they walked. He didn't mind.
"What about Andy?" Sebastian asked, thinking of the incident on warped tour.
"Screw him. It's my life and I can make my own decisions. I can choose who and what is in my life. And I choose you." She smiled up at him.
"Can I kiss you?"
"Absolutely." They stopped walking and he gave her a kiss. Not a quick peck on the lips, but lingering and loving.
"Does this mean we're dating?" He asked.
"I dunno, it depends." She said and he raised an eyebrow, "wanna be my boyfriend?" He smiled.
"As long as your my girlfriend." He replied.
"I think I can handle that." She leaned up to give him another kiss. They kept talking, getting to know each other better, holding hands, just enjoying each other's company. It really was an amazing start to the year.