come back // joshler

1: Tyler

The way all the people were dressed in all black made it seem more like a funeral than a happy meeting, although to Tyler it did feel like a funeral. Most days did if he was being honest. He just didn't know what to do about it, no one cared. He had tried to tell his friend, but he wouldn't listen. Apparently his stupid story of how he had bumped into some girl had been far more important. Tyler knew he was not that important, but he had wished he'd be more important than an old shoe with dogshit on the bottom. But clearly he wasn't. Not anymore. There had been a time when Josh had cared. He had even been his best friend. What had he done to lose him? He couldn't even recall when it had happened, one day he just realized the way Josh seemed to dismiss everything he said. He would spend time with his new friends, all the popular kids who bullied Tyler, and never had time for him. Tyler thought of the treehouse the two had built together a few years back. It was probably broken and rotten now, considering he hadn't been to it for a while and he would bet a hundred bucks Josh hadn't been there either. He was probably too cool to go there nowadays. You could say Tyler was bitter at Josh, and it'd be an understatement. When he and Josh had become friends he had been so relieved to finally have someone, but turned out he was just like the others. Tyler wanted to be able to say he had been surprised by it, but in all honesty he hadn't. Everyone always left him at some point. He didn't know what he had done wrong in any of his relationships. All he had wanted was someone to share something with. Even just a friend. But no. Maybe he was just made to suffer alone. Quite clearly that was the case. Even now he was in the middle of people and he still felt alone. He was tired of it. He was tired of everything, really. No one cared, so why should he care either? He glanced at his phone and debated on sending Josh a message. He always read them, but never answered. Tyler had sent him ten messages in the past week, trying to let him know how he was feeling, how done he was and trying to get him to react somehow. He was trying to call for help, but Josh either didn't realize, or didn't care. Tyler refused to believe that though. Josh couldn't've just given up on him like that. He wouldn't've. So, Tyler decided to message Josh again. He swore to himself this'd be the last time.

To: Jishwa

hey, just thought i'd let you know i miss you, and i need you. please answer me josh. i don't know what i'll do if you don't... and sorry for yesterday too.

Delivered 4.15pm

He was absolutely pathetic. He just sent the eleventh message of the week to his old best friend. What was he expecting to get as an answer? Tyler sighed loudly and crossed his arms on his chest, receiving an eyeroll from his aunt sitting beside him. Tyler just smiled at her before getting up from his seat and quietly sneaking away.

Tyler found his way to the garden at the back of the large house. His whole family was gathered to their traditional Sunday dinner at their grandparent's house. Tyler never really liked the gatherings, they usually circulated around topics such as his cousins, who were shown in an almost godly light, and how horrible the world was these days. He sat down on the grass and looked up at the sky. It was a nice sunny day, which Tyler found funny considering it was Sunday. He hated Sundays though. Somehow he always was the most depressed during them. Maybe it was caused by the realization that another week was almost over, and he still wasn't dead, or that his death was getting closer all the time. He really wasn't sure. On the other hand, he loved living, but then again it caused him so much pain. He just wanted to feel normal again. He wasn't even sure how it felt like anymore. Was it just a neutral feeling, or was it a mix of all the emotions? He slightly shook his head and laid down on the grass, closing his eyes. He felt a gentle breeze swipe over and slightly smiled at the tingling feeling it caused. Then he started thinking about how much he missed Josh. He wasn't even sure why he missed him so much, he hadn't missed any of his old friends this much. His thoughts trailed to the way Josh's voice sounded and the way his eyes sparkled when he got happy. He thought about how he poked his tongue out when he was focusing on something deeply and when he laughed hardly. He missed him. The whole package.

"Tyler?", a familiar voice called, waking Tyler from his thoughts. "Where'd you go?"

"Oh I just had to get some air", Tyler replied to his brother and opened his eyes to look at him. "Why?"

"I just got worried when i couldn't find you around."

Tyler smiled a bit and closed his eyes again. Someone did care. But for how long would it take for Zack to get tired of him? He had lasted for the past sixteen years, but when would he say he has had enough?

"Well I'm here", Tyler mumbled and Zack sat down beside him.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"What are you thinking about?"

Tyler's eyes opened and he looked at the sky with a dreamy look on his face. "Josh."

"Oh come on", Zack sighed and Tyler gave him a puzzled look. "Don't make yourself upset by thinking of that dickhead."

"He isn't a dickhead, Zack", Tyler said with an upset tone. "He's nice."

"Then why'd he leave you for your bullies?"

"I-I..", Tyler mumbled, his lip trembling a bit. Josh wasn't a dickhead. It wasn't his fault Tyler wasn't interesting enough to make him stick around for any longer.

"Tyler, please", Zack pleaded, taking his brother's hand in his. "He hurt you. You can't let people do that to you and then forgive them just like that."

Tyler just shook his head and a tear rolled down his cheek. Zack sighed at his younger brother, partially in sympathy, partially in frustration. He didn't like seeing his brother hurt. He was supposed to protect him from people like Josh.

"Hey, it's alright", Zack shushed and lifted Tyler up. "Should we go inside?"

"O-okay..", Tyler shrugged and the two made their way inside the house. "You know, I still think Josh was a genuine friend."

"Maybe he was, but he isn't now, is he?"

"Well not really, I guess."

"Yeah. I'm so sorry Tyler", Zack sadly smiled. He let go of Tyler's arm and Tyler slightly smiled back at him. "I'll leave you alone now, okay?"

"Okay", Tyler replied and as soon as Zack left he went to the nearest bathroom, locked the door, and took his phone out of his pocket.

No new messages.

He just sat down on the floor and stared at the screen as if trying to make Josh reply through mentally bugging him. He was probably out somewhere with his friends, not remembering Tyler. Maybe Zack was right. Maybe Josh was a dickhead after all. Tyler started sobbing quietly as he thought of Josh and all the amazing memories he had with him. He just wanted him back.