Monsters inside.

Chapter 3: That freaking "love"

Chapter 3: That freaking "love".

Sirius

Remus was laying on the floor in the Shrieking shack. So vulnerable. So tall, yet so small. The transformation had been hard. The full moon had been bad. And Sirius was worried. Remus was, more.. violent. Like the werewolf was..growing. Sirius just stood there, watching him, until Remus mumbled something. Sirius fell down on his knees besides the werewolf.
"What did you say Remmie?"
"P-p-paaads?"
"I'm here, Moony, I'm here."
"I-It hu-hurts."
"I know, I know. But madam Pomfrey will be here any minute, okay?"
"Paads.."
"I'm here Moony, I'm here, don't worry I am not leaving you."
He heard footsteps. Sirius knew that he was supposed to leave. He couldn't be here when Madam Pomfrey got here. But he looked at the man in front of him, and Sirius couldn't. He couldn't leave him like this.
"Paaadss, you..you have to leave."
"I can't leave you like this."
"You will..get d-detention. I ca-can't be alone ne-ne-next full moon. Go-o. Please love."
"Okay, okay. I will see you in the hospital wing later. You will be okay, Remmie, okay, you will be okay. " He hugged his Remus fast and then ran out of the house.
It wasn't until then he realized. "Love". Remus called him "love". "LOVE". What did he mean by that? Probably nothing..Remus wasn't feeling good, he was not clear in his head. But maybe it was just because of that, maybe when Remus wasn't clear in his head, he said the thing he usually could stop himself from saying. No..who was Sirius kidding, Remus was straight. Remus liked girls. And even if Remus was interested in guys, he would never be interested in Sirius. Remus thought about Sirius as a brother, Sirius was sure about that. He was. Remus John Lupin would never go for him, Sirius Orion Black. But still, Remus said "love"..That had to mean something..anything...love...

Sirius hurried to the hospital wing. Remus. He promised to be there. And now maybe Remus was already awake. He couldn't let Remus wake up without Sirius being there. So he hurried as hell, to get to his Remmie. He entered the hospital wing and ran to Remus's bed. He was still asleep, thank god. Sirius sat down in the chair bsides Remus bed and watched him. He looked peaceful now, still vulnerable, but less helpless then just after his transformation. It was good. Sirius didn't like seeing him like that. But like this, he liked seeing Remus like this. His face relaxed, calm, cute as hell. Sirius loved watching him like this. But in all those thoughts Remus words came in.."love". Remus called Sirius "love". Sirius couldn't get it in to his head. What did it mean? What did it mean to Sirius? What did it mean to Remus..?
"Pads, you are here."
"Moony, you are awake."
"I am." Remus smiled. "Shouldn't you be in class?"
"Ehm..yeah, ehm I..I promised you that I would be here..and I'm not gonna break that promise."
"I'm glad you are here Pads, but I don't want you to get detention because of me."
"I dont care." Sirius said. And It was true. Why care about detention when Moony was hurt. His Moony was hurt.
"I care."
"I don't have anything right now expect Moony time." Remus actually laughed at that and Sirius felt...pride.
"You are the best Pads." They joke around alot, but somehow, SIrius felt, felt like this was real, genuine.
"No you are."
"I'm not Padfoot, I'm a monster."
"Moony, how many times do I have to tell you so you will understand? You are not a monster."
"Pads, I am..at least I am becoming one.."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ehm..I wrote to you about this..and ehm..-" Remus got interrupted by James and Peter storming in to the room.
"Hey Moony. Padfoot, what are you doin' here?"
"Hey Prongs. Wormtail." Remus said.
"Hey. I am here because, I wanted to check on Moony."
"Okay...?"
"Well anyways the full moon was..."
They started talking, but Sirius dozed off again. In to his own thoughts. He was worried, about Remus. Apparently he thought that he was becoming some kind of monster. And what letters did he talk about? But still in the middle of all this worry..Sirius couldn't stop thinking about Remus words.."Go-o. Please love."..."Love"...

Remus

Remus felt like shit. Real shit. He thought he was gonna die. Okay not right now, now he was warm, and calm and happy, with his friends talking shit around him. But before. He actually thought he was gonna die. He doesn't remember so much about the full moon. But he remember the feeling. The feeling of dying or atleast wanting to die. He remember the feeling after he transformed back, how helpless he felt. He remembered Sirius. Sitting besides him, waiting for madam Pomfrey. He remember the pain. But here with his friends, with Sirius, Remus was happy. He was happy for real.

James and Peter talked and talked about shit. But Sirius didn't say much. Remus looked at him. He was beautiful. As always. But he had dark circles under his eyes. He was tired. Of course he was. He stayed. He could have left Remus, but Sirius stayed. And in that moment Remus was sure, he was totally in love with Sirius Black. And there was nothing that could change how he felt about him. Remus was wrong. Because just before they left, Sirius pressed his hand lightly and smiled.
"Sleep for a while now, Remmie." And Remus loved him even more. Sirius, who always took care of him. Sirius in the morning, tired and soft. Sirius looking at Remus with soft eyes. Sirius laughing. Sirius who always tried to explain to him that Remus isn't a monster. Sirius, who never ever leave him. He never ever leave Remus. And then Remus memories came back. The shrieking shack. Sirius being there...Sirius not wanting to leave him. Remus telling him he had to. Remus calling Sirius love...Remus stopped. He called Sirius love. LOVE. Love, as in what you call your partner. Love as in what Remus always wanted to say to Sirius, but always stopped himself from doing. But he was so exhausted, he didn't think, weren't able to stop himself. Love. Remus buried his face in his hands, fuck fuck fuck, What was he supposed to do now?