Monsters inside.

Chapter 5: One sweater and many tears

Chapter 5: One sweater and many tears.

Remus

Remus thought to much. That was a real fact, and everybody who knew him, would agree. So when he laid there in his bed, one week before christmas break, widely awake, he wasn't asleep. It was soon 3am and Remus hadn't slept at all. Since "the incident 2" Sirius had been acting weird, weirder than usual. And Remus was worried. He still hasn't decided if Sirius said it to prank him, or if he really had the same problem Remus had, he was concentrated, his walls were down, and he couldn't stop himself from saying what he thought. Love...It echoed through his head. Love. Love. Love. Oh god, Remus loved Sirius. More than anything. With his whole heart and soul. But sometime he just couldn't read the other man. He was acting weird sometimes, not looking Remus in the eyes, avoiding the topic as soon as their group ever talked about their love lifes, winced if they ever touched each other. And Remus would have talked to him about it, it was just that, sometimes Sirius was acting as himself again. Walking around the castle with unbuttoned shirt, messy hair, hugging Remus, acting like his old self. And that was what Remus thought was so weird. Did he imagine all this? Did he overthink all this? But he still heard Sirius voice in his head. Love, love, love.

At 6am Remus got out of bed, he was tired of just laying there, deep down in his thoughts. He hadn't slept at all. Since the others were still sleeping he decided to go and take a shower. He turned on the water and let it rinse over his body. When did his life become this complicated? His life had always been complicated, since he become a werewolf, but this all with Sirius, it just made everything so much more complicated. Because now it wasn't just Remus' problem. Or maybe it was, maybe Sirius didn't even think about this at all. But then why would he be acting so weird sometimes? Remus got out of the shower and got dressed. He couldn't make himself put on the school uniform this time in the morning. So he just put on some sweatpants and his favourite sweater. Not his favourite sweater, his second favourite sweater. His favourite sweater, he couldn't find this morning. And since he didn't wanna wake the others, he just took his second favourite. He made his way back to the dorm, slowly opened the door, and then he saw it. Sirius was laying on his bead, Remus favourite sweater in his hands, sniffing on it. Sirius Orion Black fucking sniffed on Remus sweater. Why the hell would he do that? This was so weird. He watched as Sirius looked at the sweater and then he saw a tear falling down Sirius cheek. That was weird. Sirius Black don't cry. This was really weird. Why the hell was Sirius holding Remus' favourite sweater and why was he crying? Remus knew that he should walk over there, ask what was wrong, but he was frozen. He couldn't move. Just watch as Sirius hugged the sweater closer to him and silently cried. Then both of them winced as James started to move. Sirius wiped away his tears in a rush and put the sweater under his bed. REMUS' SWEATER.
"Pads? Are you awake?" James voice said.
"Ehm yes. Mornin' Prongs."
"Mornin'."
Then Remus decided it was time to enter the room. He walked in loudly, as if he hadn't stood out there and eavesdropped for the last minutes.
"Mornin' guys." He said.
"Morning Moony." James said.
"Mornin' Moons." Sirius said. Remus pretended to not notice the light blush on his cheeks.

Sirius

Sirius was sitting under a tree and hated his life. Hated. Hated, hated, hated. Fucking bitches. He had to go home over christmas break. His holiday, with his Remus, was destroyed. He cried today. Sirius Black doesn't cry. But today he did, because he got a letter. From that bitch, the bitch he was suppose to call mother.

Dear son,

I have talked to your brother. He said that you were thinking about staying at hogwarts over christmas break. And for your information son, you are not. You are coming home. I don't care what you say. You are coming home. We are getting the family over and I'm not gonna deal with having to explain to them why you aren't home. I still don't understand why you would rather be at the school with those blood traitors and other scum you hang out with, probably because you yourself is a traitor, then be here with us, and I'm not gonna explain it to the others. So you are coming home. Its not open for any discussion. You are gonna say that you won't. But if you doesn't, my dear son, someone else is gonna have to pay the price. Maybe your brother, or maybe I will just expose your little friends secret. Yes I am talking about your dear werewolf friend.

Your mother.

His mother was fucking threatening him. If he didnt come home she would either hurt his brother or his Remus. How did she even know about Remus' furry little problem? This was a disaster. But Sirius had no choice. He, Sirius Orion Black, had no choice but go back to that house, those people, half a year before he thought he would. But what could he do? He knew that Walburga wouldn't hurt Reg, he was her star, the son she was proud of. But still could he take the risk? She was crazy he already knew that, but would she really hurt her only hope to make the Black family great, to keep up the family's reputation? Could Sirius take that risk? And then there was Remus, how did his mother know about Remus? He knew she wouldn't hesitate but expose him. So what could Sirius do? He had to go. He wouldn't get his christmas with his Remus, he would get a christmas in a dark and cold house with awful people. And for the second time that day, Sirius cried.

That's how Remus found him about an hour later. Crying, sitting in the forest. Sirius saw him come from far away. Things had been weird between them lately. Sirius had been weird. But now when he saw Remus, his Moony, walking up to him, Sirius realized how much he missed him. So instead of running away or trying to stop himself from crying, he just sat there, waiting for the man to come up to him. Because in that moment there was nothing more then Remus, Sirius needed.
"Pads..." Remus sat down besides him. "What happened?"
"I-Its nothing, Moons." Sirius couldn't say it. How could he even think that he would be able to tell Remus?
"Padfoot, I saw you crying this morning too. What's going on?" Sirius froze, Remus saw him? Crying. Huggning Remus sweater.
"You-you saw me?"
"Yeah, that sweater is yours if you want to." Remus gave him a little smile.
"I'm sorry I took it."
"I'm not. Now, Pads please tell me what's wrong." Sirius had an internal crisis. Should he tell Remus or not? But this was Remus, the werewolf, the man he had known since they were eleven..
Sirius gave Remus the letter. He saw as Remus tensed as he read it.
"Pads.."
"I don't know how she knows about your condition but I won't let her expose you. I'm going home for christmas break."
"Im sorry Pads."
"Don't be, It's not your fault."
"It kind of is. You shouldn't have to go, I can handle if she tells everybody my secret..but Regulus..."
"I know. I just have to go. I can't let her do anything to you, or Reg."
Remus looked at him for a second and then he hugged Sirius. Sirius buried his nose in Remus warm chest and cried even more.