As I'm Letting Go

Chapter 6

I trudge up my driveway, dying a little more every step I take. I really don't want to walk through the door of hell. To be greeted by the devil herself. I'm not mentally or physically prepared for this.

As I reach the steps of my house, the door swings open. I'm get pulled inside by my mother and thrown onto the couch.

"We need to talk."

"About?"

"Me."

"What about you?"

"I have something to tell you.... actually, 2 something's."

"Okay...."

"The first thing is......that I have a boyfriend."

"Oh my God."

Smack

"What's wrong?! You don't think I can have a boyfriend?"

"No not that....it's just.....he's not around my age, is he?"

"Are you fucking serious right now?! Of course not, that's disgusting. I hate parents who do that. No he's a year younger than me though, only a year."

"Oh okay, thank goodness."

"How do you feel about that?"

I can not believe that the mother who abuses me is seriously asking how I feel about her dating. It's the mother I grew up with that's asking. The kind, generous, humorous mother. Not the abusive one. Makes me wonder if her dating is the reason for it.

"I think it's great. You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks. I don't plan on marrying him or anyone again, though. I just couldn't do that."

"That's good to know."

"But, he is a sweet man."

"Not to be rude, but I don't really need to hear the details."

"Yes, of course."

"Thanks."

We sit there for a few minutes in silence. She's probably letting the news sink in. But then I remember something...

"Didn't you say you had 2 something's to share?"

"Oh, yes, right, about that...."

"Yes?"

"Well....it turns out that I'm.............pre... pregnant."

I sit there, stunned, shocked. I can not believe that my mother is pregnant with another man's baby. Which means I'm gonna have a half sibling.

"No, no, no. This can't be."

"Well it is."

"But...how?"

"You know how it works."

"I know. I just can't believe you would have sex with another man!"

"Beth! It's not like that. You're acting like I'm cheating on your father."

"Look who's talking. You still wear your wedding ring."

The look that goes across my mother's face, the pain that she tries so hard to hide, shows very easily once I spoke those words.

"Yes, Beth. I still wear them. But I only did it once, when I was extremely upset. It's not like I go around doing it!"

"I know. I'm happy that you found someone. I'm more happy that you won't marry the guy. But I am upset that you are pregnant, with another man's child." I can not stop myself, all the emotions, it was inevitable. "I just keep thinking of those words you always told me. "Beth, it only takes one time, remember that." I guess you didn't listen to your own words."

After that, I get up from the couch and run upstairs and into my room. Locking my door behind me.

...

"Beth, we need to talk about this."

"Beth, come on."

"Fine, be that way. I left food in the fridge for you if you're hungry. I'm going to bed."

...

It is 2am and I'm laying wide awake.

"I can't believe this."

"She was a great mother. Then, her husband dies, which by the way is my dad who died too, and she takes her anger and pain out on me physically! But only me of course, cause god forbid she can't harm her poor, innocent, baby girl Ann. Then she ends up dating and she's all of the sudden all sunshine and rainbows again. Then....she tells me she's pregnant with another man's baby! What the hell happened to my life!!!"

I get out of bed and unlock my bedroom door. I quietly turn the knob and sneak downstairs to the kitchen.

I open the fridge to find a grilled ham and cheese sandwich with apple slices waiting for me on a plate.

I decide to eat the sandwich cold, so I don't wake anyone up with the sound of the microwave.

Once I finish eating, I take care of my dishes and grab a blanket off the couch. I head to the back door of my house, open it, and walk out, shutting the door behind me.

I take a seat on the patio furniture, cuddle up in the blanket, and look up at the stars.

As I stare at the stars, I can't help but ask, "Why?"

...

I awake to the bright, early morning sun. It takes a few moments for me to remember what happened last night and where I ended up.

I walk to the back door, trying to sneak in so I'm not heard because I do not want to deal with anyone today.

Unfortunately, that doesn't happen. As soon as I walk through the door, my mother comes walking in.

"Where the hell were you?!"

"On the patio, outside."

Smack

"Don't do that. Do not leave this house at night at all. Understood????"

"Yes, mother."

"And stop calling me mother. You know I hate it."

"Fine."

I walk upstairs to my room and stay there the entire weekend.