As I'm Letting Go

Chapter 12

I walk through the doors of my high school, with hope and excitement. Something I haven't in a long time, especially around this place. Unfortunately, it all fades away when Kailynn and the girls swarm around me. 

"I see you're still hanging out with Dylan." Kailynn starts accusing.

"I am not hanging out with him."

"Don't lie to me!"

"I know you would rather have me admit that I am, but it's kind of hard to do. Considering the fact that it's not true."

"Fine. Keep lying to me. But I know the truth. A girl saw you with him outside the bathroom talking last week."

My face goes pale and I stop moving. Kailynn laughs, knowing that it is true.

"That's what I thought." Kailynn states before walking away from me. 

The rest of the girls follow, one by one, pushing me on their way.

...

I shut my locker to find Dylan, standing there, right behind the door.

"We need to talk." The first words Dylan has spoken to me in the last week. It's like a routine. Have a conversation one day, not talk for a week, then do it all over again. 

"No. We don't."

I turn to walk away, but he grabs my wrist.

"Let go of me."

"Not until you talk to me."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"I don't believe that."

"Well you should."

I am able to get my wrist free and I take my opportunity and run. I go up the stairs, heading to my first hour Chemistry class. I should've learned my lesson from the last time I did this, but I don't. Dylan, of course, catches up with me. Out of breath, I turn my running into a fast walk.

"You run a lot faster than I figured you did."

"Yeah, especially when I want to get away from people."

Now we have stopped walking, and we are standing in an empty hallway, facing each other.

"Oh Beth. You should know now that you can't escape me."

Dylan gives me one of his signature smirks, which I haven't seen in awhile. But it isn't his smirk that worries me, it's the look in his eyes. Realizing my gut was right, Dylan pins me against the wall. He bends his head down, having his mouth next to my ear.

"No matter how fast you try to get away from me.....I will always be faster. I will always catch you. And I will always be with you. Don't think you can get rid of me easily, because you can't."

He lifts his head to face me, looking me right in the eyes, and smiles at me.

Still pinned to the wall I say, "That's not gonna stop me from trying to get away."

Dylan bursts out laughing.

"You are something, you know that? You can try to get away, but you won't succeed."

Dylan pulls away from me, making me pull away from the wall.

"What do you want from me Dylan?"

"I want nothing from you."

"Then what are you doing? You talk to me once, them you won't for a week. Who the hell does that?!"

"I'm sorry. I just..."

"I don't want to here it."

"Beth...listen."

"Why? Why should I?"

"Because I care about you."

This time it's my turn to laugh out loud.

"That's rich, coming from the guy who told his friends that you don't need to make a bet because you know that you don't like me that way."

"I told them that, so they would get off my back. I also was trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what?!"

"Them. They can become a little to much with girls."

"If you haven't noticed, I've been doing just fine protecting myself for years."

"Oh, yeah, so well. Letting Kailynn push you around and insult you. Letting your mother and sister treat you like crap. Oh, and I forgot, cutting yourself is great protection!"

"I told you to forget about that. It has nothing to do with you."

"Well I didn't. Because I can't. And it has everything to do with me."

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes, it does. I am your friend, and as your friend, I am supposed to protect you and be there for you."

"Yeah. You've been doing a great job with that."

"I am sorry, Beth. I am truly sorry."

"No. I'm sorry. For believing in you. For believing that I could trust you. But I was wrong. I should learn by now, not to expect anything from anyone. Because all it does is disappoint me."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Blame yourself. Everything is not your fault. You should be able to expect stuff from people and not be disappointed. And I am sorry for not being that person. But I want to be that person. Let me be that person for you."

My eyes are beginning to burn and tears are threatening to escape. But I push them back.

"I can't. All it does is result in someone getting hurt. Everyone hates me because I stole you, even though we aren't even fucking dating! We hurt each other with our issues and resolve it by ignoring each other! It's too much. I just can't."

I turn to leave, but Dylan grabs me and twists me around into him, and kisses me. The bell above rings and I push him away before anyone can see. I run to chemistry class before I'm late again.

...

I arrive at home and run up to my room and lock the door. I fall on my bed and burst out into tears.

'I don't know what to do. I wanted to complete high school quietly and in solitude. But then...he...had to come into my life. What is he doing to me?'

I reach over to my backpack to grab my phone. Only...it's not there.

...

Earlier today:

I watch Beth run away from me after kissing her. I don't know what to do. How can I convince her that I want to be there for her? I care about her, more than I would like to admit.

I look down and notice a phone. I pick it up and click it on to find a picture of Beth and a little girl, who must be her sister, sitting in front of a Christmas tree. They're posing for the camera with wide smiles on their face. I can't help but smile at the picture, how happy Beth looks.

'I wish I could get her to look at me like that.'

Pushing the thought out, I unlock the phone and go into her contacts. I take my phone out and put her phone number into my phone. I put both of our phones in my backpack and head to first hour.