The Misconceptions of You

Chapter 14: Frustrations

After buying some groceries at the supermarket, they both went back to the beach. Thankfully they didn't encounter any more problems on the way back. It was already night time when they made it back. While they were waiting for Key to finish cooking Taemin invited Eunjin for a walk at the shore. When they got tired they decided to sit on the sand. There was a comfortable silence between them and it was completely fine with him because he got the chance to study her face while she stared at the distance towards the dark ocean and the vast sky. That's when he noticed she was crying.

Taemin didn't miss anything, even when she tried to wipe her tears to hide the fact that she was crying, Taemin still noticed. "Why are you crying?" he asked.

He caught her again. She really has to stop giving him reasons to fall out of love from her. First at the lighthouse, she cried like a total idiot and now she's crying again just by watching the stars. She won't blame Taemin if one day he will be completely convinced that she's losing her mind.

She sighed before saying with all honesty, "I don't know." Hiding things from him is getting harder now so she might as well tell him the truth. She averted her eyes because telling the truth is still hard for her to do.

The stars seemed brighter at that part of the country. Compared to the city, there it was darker so the stars are more visible. Somehow the sight made her tear up and she didn't even know why. It's different than when you saw something pretty and you tear up because it was so beautiful and you can't help but feel touched from the scenery in front of you. No, this is different. The sight makes her tear up because it reminds her of something painful which she have no idea what exactly.

"Actually, I have amnesia. I can only remember the last 8 years of her life." she finally admitted. She was scared to admit it at first because she was afraid of how he will react if she tells him the truth. Besides how can she give herself completely to him if there's something missing within her? Who would like someone so pathetic that she couldn't even remember her own past?

She gave him a sad smile. "I won't get mad at you if after knowing this you'll start changing your mind." She knows that everything which happened in the past few weeks were just too good to be true. She was even willing to live in a lie just to stay in that dreamlike fantasy. But this is reality. Taemin likes someone who isn't the real her.

"What makes you think I'll change my mind because of it?" Somehow she made him angry and she didn't exactly understand why.

"N-no, it's just..." she said stuttering a little bit. Taemin should really stop unnerving her. "It's just that I know I'm a little weird so..."

He sighed. "Think whatever you want. Even if I tell you I love you, you won't believe me anyway." Taemin knew he had no right to be mad at her but he couldn't help it. He wished everything was different.

She told him things he already knew. She was completely convinced he'll fall out of love for her if he knew she has no memories of the past. But that's not gonna happen. He already tried. For years he had been living in hell because he wanted to see her but couldn't. And when he was beginning to think he will never be given the chance to meet her again, he decided to forget her only to realize it was a stupid idea. It's like trying to stop the earth from revolving around the sun, stupid and impossible. So in the end he gave up trying and continued to live in hell.

If only she hadn't lost her memories then everything would have been different. She wouldn't feel any insecurities and he wouldn't feel frustrated.

But this is the truth. Even when he showed her in his own simple ways how much he loves her she doesn't believe any of it. And it makes him feel so frustrated because there are so many things he wanted to tell her but couldn't. Because if he do, it will surely cause her pain and that's the last thing he wanted to happen.

He left her feeling confused afterwards. He looked really mad but she couldn't understand why. He said he loves her and he's right, she finds it hard to believe because she knew that someone as perfect as he is will never like someone as pathetic as she is. She thought it would be ok as long as she ends everything while she's still capable of reason. But she realized it's already too late. She had already fallen in love with him. And she didn't know that falling in love could be that painful too.

-*-

They spent the rest of the night sitting around a bonfire eating hotdogs and barbeques. The SHINee members started telling scary stories. She tried to listen at first trying to convince myself it's not scary at all. But the stories got scarier and scarier with each passing moment that she didn't want to hear the rest of it.

Whenever she watches horror films she tends to think about it for a long period of time. she keeps replaying the scenes in her mind so she always ends up being sleep deprived for at least a week. If this keeps up she probably won't be able to sleep for a month.

She excused herself saying she needed to get her jacket because the night breeze is becoming chilly. When she reached the tent she lay down, wrapped herself with blankets and closed her eyes. She hoped they won't notice she was gone for a long time. They seemed to be having fun so they probably won't.

Being wrapped in blankets made her sweat but she stubbornly kept it close to her. She feels safer that way although she knows it's stupid because if ghosts are real she was pretty sure blankets would never protect her against them. She wished someone's there with her so she would feel less scared. But she can't let anyone know the real reason why she left in the middle of their story telling. If they knew she was scared of ghosts they'll definitely make fun of her.

A few minutes later she heard footsteps coming from outside the tent. It was getting closer and when the door opened she screamed.