Sa Huli (Book 3)

Chapter 5 -Start of an ending

Chapter 5 –Start of an ending

People often say that life is too short and so live as if it is your last, but I guess you'll never know what it really means unless na punta ka sa sitwasyon kung saan you will almost lose your own life.

My journey with heart problem began few months after I first left Patricia.

It supposed to be a usual morning for me, but its not. I feel something different. I feel that I am not my normal self, but I shrugged it off and still went to work. But suddenly, when I reach the office I feel like I am going to faint. Then it happened. I collapsed.

It was Krystal who first found me. She mentioned how she was scared while she's tirelessly doing CPR dahil ng makita niya ako. I have no signs of life.

It was my first attack and I was saved.

I went into different test and I was recommended to undergo quadruple bypass surgery.

Few days before my scheduled bypass operation, Seven came and recommend that I should be first inserted with aortic pump para daw makapag pahinga at lumakas ang puso ko bago ang bypass.

Luckily, the operation was successful at nagawa kong maka uwi ng Pilipinas to attend my sister's graduation.

Akala ko noon, magiging maayos na ang lahat, but it's not.

Maliban sa pinag tabuyan ako ni Patricia palayo, I'm still feel that my heart is having an irregular and rapid heartbeat.

And I guess, it was meant for me to leave the country again. Pero kahit anong gawin kong pagiging busy sa trabaho, hindi ko magawang alisin si Patricia sa puso ko.

I still love her despite of everything. My heart longs for her presence.

Kaya kahit na ayaw ni Seven ay umuwi ako ng Pilipinas with a plan of being just Patricia's friend.

Yes, tanggap ko na noon na baka wala na talagang patunguhan ang nararamdaman ko. But at least kahit maging kaibigan ko lang siya ulit ay sapat na para mag kakaroon na ng saysay ang buhay ko.

That's how much I love her that I am willing to be just her friend.

Pero tulad ng kinakatakot ko noon, pag balik ko meron na siyang iba. Meron ng ibang taong nag papasaya sa kanya. At kahit na masakit ay tinaggap ko iyon. Nag panggap akong hindi na sasaktan sa harap niya. Nag panggap ako na ang turing ko na lang sa kanya ay kaibigan ng kapatid ko.

Masyado mailap at madalas, ay hindi niya gusto ang presensya ko. I was hurt, but I was patient dahil alam kong kasalanan ko kung bakit ganun ang pakikitungo niya sa akin.

I left her hanging. I pushed her away. Tinalikuran ko siya at ipinilit sa kanya ang isang bagay kahit alam kong hindi naman niya iyon gusto.

I'm not stupid para hindi maramdaman na mahal niya ako. She even almost said it before. Pero mas ginusto kong piliin niya ang mas nakakabuti para sa kanya at sa nakakarami. Mas pinili kong piliin niya ang kapatid ko kesa sa akin.

It was during our one on one meeting ng bigla na lang siyang tumakbo palabas ng opisina ko. Kaya naman sinundan ko siya. I wanted to confront her for once para maging maayos ang pakikitungo namin sa isa't isa.

Kung hindi man namin magawang maibalik kahit pag kakaibigan namin, I'll be fine with it. but I'll just ask her if she can be atleast professional since we are colleague.

But what she said during that talked give a little light to my miserable life.

I'm not supposed to feel okay knowing that she's hurting but knowing na nasasaktan siya means that I still matter to her. Mahalaga pa din ako sa kanya and I still have a chance to fix things between us. Kaya naman hindi na ako nag dalawang isip pa, I grab the opportunity to get close to her at bumawi sa mga pag kakamali ko and to have a chance with her.