10/20/19 | 휴닝카이

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OCTOBER 20 YEAR 19




I was still in shock after what happened five days ago. I was so ready to jump off.. or was I?

I remember how the wind felt so refreshing when I stood on the railings. How free I free standing there with my arms spreaded up high. When I glanced down, I saw her.. my sister.. she was waving at me before she started to fade away. But I didn't want her to go yet so I wanted to jump and reach for her.

But I was pulled down to the ground. Kim Shihye was the one who had interrupted me. Her expression was mixed with different emotions; worry, sympathy, empathy, relief and fear. I was still in shock when she suddenly grab my wrist and rolled off the sleeves. She saw my self - harmed cuts and I wanted to hide it away, but instead she pulled me to her.

And that's when I lost it.

I cried on her shoulder, letting everything go. Everything I had hidding in, everything I wanted to release. I almost didn't realise it but I was clutching onto her tightly. She felt so warm..

"Your family wouldn't have wanted you to jump off."

I teared up even more after her statement. She was right - eventhough I didn't want to admit it. Life is ironic. It takes pain to know what surviving is and absence to value presence. But I didn't want to let go of her that moment.

It was the first time someone had hugged me so tight and I felt like she knew what I was going through.

But how? What are you Kim Shihye?






ㅡ HUENINGKAI, 19:56

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