#201-205

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Every time I think I finally get my "happily ever after" reality hits me right into the face.

Meine Freunde erzählen mir immer dass ich doch so eine fröhliche, nette Person bin.
Ich weiß, dass dies nicht so ist.
Und wenn sie es rausfinden werden sie mich genauso sehr verabscheuen wie ich nicht selbst verabscheue.

Through my anxiety its very hard for me to call others.
Unfortunately it's a part of my job and I try my best.
But although I try, I'm not very good at it.
I talk very quiet, I always say the wrong words and my hand is constantly shaking.
But my colleagues think its funny.
"You just need to get used to it"
"They wont jump out if the phone and hit you, if you say something wrong"
But every day they seek more people I could call and I always have to answer the phone.
And everytime I'm on the phone one of them is standing right next to me and blame me for every little mistake I made.





I have the most amazing friends.
I wonder how they can be with someone horrible like me.


If I get hurt mentally,
I hurt myself physically.

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