Dearest

Chapter 7

I found myself staring back at the picture of Levi Ackerman, he had this long raven hair and wore one those fancy clothes. Somehow deep my gut, I trully missed it. My silky well maintained hair, my decent clothing but asual I pushed them away before they cloud my mind again. That version of me is long dead. Yet the memories are still fresh like everything happened like it was yesterday, when it was actually had been two years.

It was two years ago, Hange and I were able to escape the madhouse with the help of Farlan. He lend us his house in exchange for taking care of his cousin, Isabel. Farlan seemed desperate, letting two crazy people to look out for his sick cousin. But I didn't mind, Isabel is a great kid and I loved Farlan for trusting us. For simply believing that were not mad.

As the days go by, the rations didn't last long and Farlan's wages can't sustain as all. I decided to look for a job but since I'm an Omega, I'll likely fall on a brothel if Hange didn't persuade me on stealing. That piece of shit knew her stuff, she taught me everything.

And here I am now, looking at my own missing poster with a handsome reward. Yet no can recognize with my short hair, my intense glare and the smell of  Beta. No one knew. Then news came out that Levi Ackerman betrayed his own family and committed suicide on the asylum. I just laugh at them. I moved on now. I'm Rivaille, the thug of the underground.

Farlan got fired on his job when he whacked a patient who tries to strangle him.

Hange did some dealing while Farlan and I were on the streets, hands quicker than lighting as we dash through the crowds and meeting on the darkest alley. Keeping cash, burning whatever informations and reselling the wallets.

Pulling my hood on, I moved towards the alley. Avoiding the drunks on the side. I want to leave the as soon as possible, out of the filthy place. Farlan's house became my home and Farlan became my husband as much as I want to gag. But we played the part only in front of Isabel because she kept shipping us, calling me mom and Farlan her dad.

Reaching the door, I quickly got inside, slammed it shut and locking it. Sighing, I pulled my cape off, disgusted by the sweat on my skin.

"Mom!"

I turned towards the voice and found Isabel running towards me. "Hi, Izzy."

She hugged my legs and gave me the biggest smile that I always loved. As much as I want to carry her frail body on my arms, I don't want my sweat on her.

"Can I see what you get?" She asked, always wanted to look at the wallets first.

"Of course, I'll just take a bath okay."

When I got out of the bathroom, Izzy is sorting the walltes by colors and piled up the cards and other things on the side. She had a calling card on her hands and her cute brows farrows as she tries to read it.

"Jeger? Mom! This one is very hard!" Isabel shows the card. She's a great kid, smart even, she's a fast leaner and very curious at things.

"Let me see." I took the card when the saw the familiar words, a wash of nostalgic memories fell on top of me. Images of Eren's face popped on my head, my heart raced at the once forgotten feeling from the Alpha.

"Mom? Why are you crying?"

I snapped at Isabel's words just then I notice that I was crying terribly. I quickly wipe my eyes but the tears kept on coming as well as the constant stamp on my chest.

"Mom?"

I looked down at Isabel and that was my biggest mistake. Her big green eyes reminded me of him, it made me understand why I loved Isabel so much when I first saw her. I remembered that I was the one who told her to call me mom because I assumed that she was my child from Eren. I fell on my knees and hug Isabel as tight as I can. I realized how mad I was, how much I pretend that things were fine. How much I lied to myself.

Later than night, my insomnia got worst. Usually I'm already asleep before Hange came home from her dealings.

"Levi, you're still awake?" Hange whispered shout, careful with the sleeping child on the next room.

"Hange, do you think I'm crazy?" Levi asked absentmindedly.

"What? After two years out of the madhouse and earning on your own? Nah."

"I was making my own world."

"What happened? Why are thinking this way?" Hange sat in front of me, eyes locked.

I sheeply gave her the calling card. She knew my story, heck, she knew me even if I had my facade on.

She studies the card before I saw the gleam on her eyes. "Eren Yeager, your hubby! You stole from your hubby!"

She humored but I was too distracted to be upset. I dig deep, trying to recall him, his pretty face on the crowed. I can't remember.

"You knew what his wallet looked like?" Hange started digging on the wallets, she sniffed the calling card before proceeding to her tasked. It took only a minute for Hange to locate the said wallet and she gave it to me.

I stared at the leather object on my hands like it is going to eat me. The noise from Hange's feet brought me to reality and I gained the courage to open his wallet.

My breath hitched when I first saw Armin's picture. It hurts so much. The last thing I want is to see his wedding pictures with Mikasa. I found myself crying again due to the hard fact that no matter how much I bury the truth, Eren still loved Armin no matter what. I was tearing up shamelessly in front of Hange. It took a just a second for the shame to fade and it was replaced by anger. I took Armin's picture and ripped it to shreds.

"I'll fucking kill you, you fucking whore."

"Levi." Hange placed her hand on my knee and I froze in place, realizing what I said. Here I am again, trying to mend the truth by getting rid of Armin and assuming that Eren will love me. I cried again, weeping my sorrows away.

"Levi, the solution to sanity is acceptance." Hange rubbed my knee.

I stared down at my hands. If I accepted that I'm insane, is that counted?

****

Another day in the crowded market. I lowered my hood, making sure not a single soul can see my face. I waited until there until I can make out a small gap between the number of people on the busy market. That way, I knew where I'll be entering the crowd and exiting. Then a chicken got loose on its cage and that is my queue.

Swiftly, I passed the crowed with quick hands. I can see my exit, in the dark alleys, just few people with few wallets.

Just a little more.

I gasped as I found myself being pulled away from my exit, from the dark alley. The next thing I knew, it was bright very bright. My hood was removed. I was caught with a painful grip on my wrist, immediately I readied my fist and gritted my teeth. I don't like fighting, I don't like this, I don't like my life, I don't-

My thoughts stopped, my fist didn't land on anything. The world was paused around me as I stared back at those beautiful green eyes.

"I finally found you."