Dearest

Chapter 17

I stared down the busy streets, gently stroking the cat on my lap. It's been almost three weeks since I left the clinic since Eren pushed me away.

Though I can't believed that I shared my story to some stranger, but to be fair I knew her name, Hange was it? Maybe I'll call her an acquaintance than a stranger. It was odd for me to share my sorrow just like that. But somehow talking to that person, her messy brown ponytail and her thick framed glasses seem to click in my head. There was something with that Hange like I'm unconsciously comfortable with her.

I shook the idea out of my head. Even I do feel comfortable enough to share my worries with Hange, there will be a high chance that I will not be meeting her again.

"Hey, brat."

I sighed heavily, turning to look at my uncle. "What?"

"The client we have from yesterday got an eye for you. He said that he'll buy all of our stock if you let him fuck you."

I frowned and stared down at the sleeping gray cat in my lap. This is not new, I'm usually fine with this as long as they pay me or buy our drugs but this time... I don't feel like it.

My chest grew heavy as days past and the simple thought of sleeping with someone that was not Eren brought a stabbing pain in my heart.

Come to think of it, I never sleep with some random dude in the streets. Ever since I saw Eren's clinic. Since I came to this place.

My uncle's heavy hand landed on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I trust you on this one."

"I..." I hesitated, knowing exactly what Kenny had to say but I said it anyway. "I'm not in the mood."

"No one cares about your mood and other shits, brat. You know that in this business, our clients mattered more than you." Kenny laughed as he retreated to his room.

I blinked several times to keep the tears at bay. I knew that. That's the first rule.

---

Nightfall came and I'm dragging my feet to the client's house. Each step I take only made the ache in my heart worst.

"Come on Rivaille," I whispered to myself. "You've done this several times, fuck-many times. Get a grip!"

I kept repeating those words to myself, occasionally pinching my arm hoping that it will distract me from the pain in my heart.

As I walked down at familiar the street, my knew the main reason why my chest constricts even more than it should. I'll have to pass through Eren's clinic.

Fate must be fucking with me because at this time the clinic was closing and of all the staff at the said clinic, Eren was right there. Locking the place.

I froze in place. Suddenly feeling how dirty I am. Realizing that Eren was completely out of my league. He's well-educated kind-hearted Alpha while I'm a whore and fucking drug dealer.

I watched as Eren locked the door and immediately he saw me when he looked up.

We both stood there, frozen. My breath quivered as my heart pounded on my chest when Eren's beautiful green eyes landed on me. I can't simply take it. I never felt so much shame as I can remember. I lowered my head and started walking straight.

I'm whore and drug dealer. It's stupid of me to think that I can be with his Alpha. Even dumber to dream that I can settle down in the future with an Alpha that I like.

I quickly walked passed him, his rainforest scent hit me hard like a train. Breaking every bone in my body and letting a single tear fell in the corner of my eye.

I kept walking, head down, hands shoved in the pockets of my jacket. Then my feet stopped. I don't know what came over me but I looked back and saw Eren's figure walking away.

Another had tear shed.

What was I thinking? I was hoping that he will stop me, grab me by my elbow, or simply ask where am I going.

Wiping my eyes, I continued down the streets to the client's house with my uncle's words echoed in my head. He was right, nobody cared about my moods or feelings. And here I am, still hoping that I'll find someone that will care.

---

"You're the bomb, Levi!" Kenny cheered, raising his beer in the air. A few drops manage to spill at the mouth of the bottle and landed on the white sheets of my bed. "That client bought everything! We're sold out!"

I pressed my lips a thin line. Not sure if my happy about the news. My back still stings from that guy's whip and I can barely stand with the soreness of my hips. I've been in bed for a day and my injuries hadn't healed that much. That guy was creep, he likes seeing me screamed in pain but at least my cries and screams were not a waste.

"Here's your share brat," Kenny dropped a pile of bills next to me. "I'll be out to celebrate!" Then he left, leaving me in this empty apartment.

The cat's meow pierced the silence of the room. At least I'm not entirely alone. "Hey, Grey. Come here." I patted my lap and automatically, the cat jumped in and settled for a nap.

Running my fingers on his fur managed to put a smile on my face, especially when he started purring.

I sighed, staring at the emptiness of our apartment. I can't even call this home but maybe...

I grabbed all the bills that Kenny dropped and started counted. It's a lot but not enough to buy myself a house of my own, on a farm or forest. Anything as long that it is away from the city, from a lot of people. Where I can live on my own and die peacefully.

I spread all the bills in my hand, eyes squinting. "Why do these bills suddenly doubled?" I flipped each bill, recounting them.

Blinking several times, I looked down at Grey. Instead of one, I got two cats in my lap. "What?"

Then the room started to move and sudden pain erupted at my left temple. "Shit!"

I whimpered weakly as the pain kept on hammering my head until it knocked me out of the blue.