Sobriety Is Super Overrated

The Death Of An Alcholic Gay Boy

The world is full of junkies, or, I should say, the world used to be full of junkies. I know I'm going to find something somewhere.

"Hey guys!" I call out to the group. "I'm just going for a walk, okay?" I see Diego nod and then wave at me that I can go. I feel like a child asking a parents permission to go outside. 

I start walking, if I can figure out where I am then maybe I can find a nearby hospital and get something there. I examine the rubble I'm walking on more closely. I piece of torn fabric on the floor catches my eye. I bend down to pick it up.

It's blue. And the exact same texture and colour as the chairs that were in the theatre where Vanya destroyed the world. I know where I am now. The only problem is I'm twenty seven, out of shape, and an junkie, which makes me even more out of shape. I suppose this is going to be a long walk. Unless I choose to die another way, but I already know that this is the way I want it to end.

"Klaus, just think about this." Ben says as I keep walking.

"If you loved someone, you would want to be with them, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, but that's not the point."

"What is the point then?"

"The point is that he wanted you to move on, and you're not."

"When does what I want matter for a change. What if I don't want to move on?" I snap back at him. I know he's only doing this because he doesn't want me to waste my life, but for me, a life without Dave is a wasted life.

"You have to seriously take this into consideration."

"I did." I took everything into consideration. This is what I want. This is what will make me happy. Being with him again will make me happy so why does Ben just want me to keep being miserable?

"Please." He begs, looking almost defeated.

"Stop, Ben." I keep walking past him, faster this time.

Ben stands in front of me, blocking my path.

"I won't let you do this." His arms are spread out, so I can't walk past him, there are mounds of rubble on either side. The two buildings that once stood here have both collapsed onto the road. Then I notice that just a bit further down the street there's a small walk in pharmacy. And to think that I was about to walk all the way to the hospital?

"Ben, I have to do this." I insisted, this was the only way I could ever be happy.

He shook his head. "No you don't." I could see tears starting to form in his eyes. He looked genuinely sad for me. He didn't want me to die. He didn't know how good it would be for me. He didn't know how much living hurt right now.

"This is what will make me happy." I reply. Tears drip down the side of his face.

"Death isn't happy. Death is miserable and awful and there's nothing happy about it. You're better off here." He's really crying now. I can see his shoulders shaking a bit with his heaving breaths. Whatever lies in the afterlife, it surely seems to have messed him up.

Ben stared at me hard with his tear streaked face and red eyes. It was silent for a few seconds. I felt almost like he was mourning my death.

"Death is serious. Death is awful. You're wasting your life by doing this." He had his hands balled up in fists. I could tell he was angry, but he was bottling it up.

"I need to be with Dave." I said calmly and evenly. For once it didn't sound like I was begging him. "Just step aside Ben."

"No!" He stomped his foot on the ground. The piles of rubble and what was left of the crushed buildings shook. "I can't let you do this."