Her Heart's Whisper

CHAPTER 1

The cold winds engulfing me in it's strong arms. The rain crashing hard. Trapping the water in my worn out boots. My only boots. My favourite red boots. The ones father got for me when he became Alpha. They have walked the entire journey with me. But now it looks like my companion will not survive this. I need to make peace with that. The storm rolling in faster and faster. Violently wrenching everything on it's path. Tossing everything away angrily.
I did not think the storm would catch up to me. But I may have misjudged. The strength of the wind is too much for me to fight against. And once again I sink to the ground. This time I don't think I can get up. The wind sucked out all of my strength. Leaving me frozen and almost lifeless. I am not sure whether I can make it through this storm. Huddling into a foetal position, trying to increase my body temperature and chances of survival. Hands clenching my shaky legs tightly. Perhaps if I try to roll myself into a little ball, I might survive.

I am not sure how long it has been. But the rain has finally stopped. The wind still churning harshly. Trying to get up, it hurts so much. Too much. I think I have become an ice lolly. A tiny round one. But at least I survived. Slowly making my way back home. I have no energy to walk anymore yet I still drive myself to the edge. I need to. Somehow driving energy from within to make it home as soon as possible.

If I don't make it home by the time that I was supposed to, who knows what would happen? I have not received anything to eat since the last three days. Every time she threatened to do something worse rather than simply not give me any food. Today might just be that day. What about this time? Would she have mercy on me? Never did she carry out the same punishment regarding the same mistake for more than three consecutive days. She was always creative with the punishments that she handed out.

Growing more and more anxious with each calculated step. The anxiety from within has me sprinting home. Trying to make sure that I make it home in time. Whenever I was late in the past, she added to my punishment. Something more severe. More agonizing than the last. Some more severe than others. There was nothing I could do to save myself. The only way to survive was to follow her orders. Their orders. Just simply follow everything they say. I was the only way that she could punish father. She would channel all her anger to me. So giving me the best punishment meant that she got to see father suffer. But now even father has begun to revel in my punishment. No longer truly bothered about me like a father should. Perhaps he also felt the same way that she felt about me. The way they felt about me.

What was my fault? What pain could an innocent starving ten year old actually bring to them? Why did I not deserve to be loved but they deserved to be loved? To have my share of love. Why did they get everything that I deserved? What was the criteria that one had to meet in order to feel just a little bit of this beautiful, enchanting thing called love? Someone please tell me. Just once I needed to feel how it felt to have a mother look at you as if you are her entire world all rolled into some magical being. A beautiful gleam in her eyes as she stares at you. Caresses you. That proud look a father has as he pats you on the back when you came home having won something. A proud smile playing on his lips as he bragged to your aunties and uncles about your little accomplishment. Happiness. That's what it was. That's what everyone needed. That's what I needed. If only I could touch a little bit of happiness. I wish I could just steal a little bit of their happiness. They had it all. A loving possessive mother. A proud and caring father. A family. She was a loving mother to those whom she wanted to love. To everyone else. But not me. Never me. Even that ever so caring father never wanted to shower me with a little bit of affection. Never shielded me like he did them. What was it about me that was so unlovable?

Was it my fault that I was an abomination as some would call me? Was it my fault that my father had cheated on her? Was it my fault that he defied our Moon? That he cheated on his Fated? Betrayed her. Was it my fault that my mother ran away after she had given birth to me? Was I born on my own accord? So how was it my fault? Why was I always punished? Why was I always to blame?