Her Heart's Whisper

CHAPTER 20

CIARA’S POV

I know that I don’t deserve to have someone chase me like this but I can’t help but feel special. Important. I know that I am not worthy of it but it feels so good. Something that I’d want to feel again and again. But still a little thought pops into my head. Why couldn’t it be him?

Why does it have to be Kale and not him?

Why couldn’t it be like it is in my dreams?

With him trailing behind me every time that I am upset about something. No matter how insignificant it seemed, he was always there. Chasing me. Consoling me. And then pouring his heart out to me.

Part of me whispers that there’s still some time. Maybe he needed some time to register my mental break down. He’s almost here I whisper. Just around the corner. Any second now.

But he doesn’t come. He doesn’t dramatically trail behind me like it is in the movies. Calling out to me even though he knows that it’s all falling on deaf ears. Almost tripping on his own feet as he rushes behind me, almost losing his senses. Wanting to get to my side before anyone else. Before any unwanted thoughts slip into my lonely head.

An aura of disappointment clings to me. All that is heard is the inquisitive mumbles around me. All of them anticipating my next step. Trying to piece my actions together. Trying to figure me out. Making assumptions, creating stories.

My very first mental break down in front of someone.Not just anyone. Him. The one whom I know nothing about. I don’t even know his name.

These people around me listening in. Lending their inquisitive ears that do not concern them.

But they are not them. They don’t laugh at you and belittle you. They don’t just leave you to fend for yourself. They don’t let their own people down like them. They are different.

And still only one thought plays on my mind.

Will he come? Better late than never they say. But what if late is too late? What if late is equivalent to never?  

I just wish I could have that one person to be my support structure. To just know that I have someone by my side. Who will help me stay strong yet also sees me as his strength. The one that I share an unbreakable, magnetic bond with. The one who chooses me. Chooses me over them chooses me over everything.

I know that I can’t make him choose me but I just can’t stop all these thoughts. Every cell in my body aches to be with him. I’m dying to hear those little words of acceptance but his harsh expressions keep on flashing in front of my eyes, talking of something that I am not ready to hear. Not ready to accept.

A possible rejection bubbling in his chest, waiting to be heard by me. My heart already being ripped apart with every second. With every thought.

All that I am left with is this broken heart.

All that I see is my beautifully crafted walls falling apart in front of me. Years and years of hidden emotions threatening to spill out. No one can see my weaknesses. My vulnerabilities. All my truths dying to be unfolded in front of them all. Waiting for anyone patient enough to listen.
But that’s not me. I don’t want to be vulnerable.

I cannot afford to have them know me in that way. What if they never understand? What if they turn my truths into my weaknesses?

What if they use it all against me?

No.

What if he sees the real me in all my heartbreaking glory shrouded by my insecurities. My flaws. My mistakes. Every single thing that makes me me.

But he hates it. Hates it all. Then what? Will I be able to handle the rejection?

It feels like my whole heart has just collapsed. Falling to my stomach. An awkward feeling of hurting emptiness swirling in that space. Making me feel queasy with just the thought of it all.

One more chance. My aching heart begging to just give it all one last shot. My legs move on their own accord. Ready to find the one that we’ve been waiting for. A mixed feeling of rejection yet the hope of acceptance shines through.

I feel him getting closer. My nervousness getting the better of me. My legs about to give in. Sweaty palms rubbing against each other, only making things worse.

I feel the anticipation growing, but it’s not just mine. The mumbles make their way to me. I wish I could shut them all out. Sympathetic looks making their way to me. I am not used to such looks. All of it foreign to me, making me feel more nervous. Exaggerating everything.

Hands clenching and unclenching almost in steps. Almost like a little game. I am slowly trying to gather support and strength to just open the door.

The walk was difficult but still easier than this. Now I am closer to him. Closer to his answer. I would have never been able to do this if I was still there.

The tiny thought making it’s way to me…

If I don’t do this, I will never know.  

Palms slowly unclenching, turning the door knob as slowly as I can, hoping maybe that will help me prepare for this. Maybe prolong it for a little while. The nervousness is heightening. Rising with every second.

I hear his voice. Deep and alluring. It sounds like it’s breaking with the weight of his emotions.

“I would never accept her, Alpha David.” he spits out proudly. A tinge of anger trailing behind his words. A stabbing pain starts a chain in my body. The pit in my stomach growing with every harsh intake. Reality slams me in the face. Every dream breaking in front of my eyes. It was nothing that I did not expect but that didn’t make it pain any less.

I have felt physical pain my whole life. Emotional pain has always reigned over my life. It always lingered around, followed me wherever I went. But nothing can compare to this.

My feet beg me to stay rooted in place. Just wait. Maybe it’s not over yet. Maybe I heard wrong. Maybe. Just maybe. Dozens of maybes.

But I run. I run as far as my self-respect takes me.

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Hey my Royal Readers👑

I pray and hope all of you are safe during this tough time. Just remember, it will pass. Be strong.

I sincerely apologise for the delay in this chapter. I was suffering from writers block. And if was a scary time for me. But I am so so happy to be back!!!

Take care
therealscorpioqueen❤️