Broken Diary

Chapter 1

Chap. 1

Friendship and love were two things that always really confused me.

They seemed so similar to me. If it was up to me, I would have been in love with all my friends; guy friends, I guess I'm referring to.

See, the thing is, I knew what love was, yet I didn't.

I knew it wasn't what I was experiencing. I knew it was something so much more, and I knew I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything. 

However, I wasn't sure I would ever achieve my goal. I didn't think I would ever find this love. I was too normal.

No talents.

No hobbies.

I wasnt beautiful, nor was i confident.

In fact, i hated myself. 

I was such a pathetic person. Ever since my twin sister died, from something I did, i had never been the same.

It scarred me. I didn't tell anyone why she died. Not even my closest of friends.

I was good at hiding things. Hiding the truth. Hiding emotions.

Mazy knew everything about me. From who I liked, to what the first thought on my mind in the morning was. We were so close. 

I loved her with everything I had. And if I hadn't pushed the swing so high, maybe she'd still be here with me. Sitting on the bed with me, watching Full House and eating our favorite hazelnut ice cream. She was so young.

I sought for comfort in my four best friends. 

Onyx

Calum

Luke

and Michael.

Ah, Michael Clifford. This is where my thoughts about love come back. 

I had known Michael since we were four. 

Mazy, Onyx, Michael, and I always hung out.

Mazy and Onyx would always tease Michael, shouting and chanting things like; 

"Mikey likes Felicity! Mikey likes Felicity!" and

"Michael and Felicity, sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G."

You know, the typical child like nonsense sung when little ones were crushing.

Michael and I had hopeless crushes on each other as children, but we had grown out of it.

Well, at least he did. I still felt as if my little crush for Mikey still lingured around. 

When Mazy died, all I wanted was to be with Michael.

Not Onyx.

Not mum.

Not dad.

Not the other boys.

Michael. I wanted Michael, and I knew that had to mean something. When I looked at Michael, all I saw was pure perfection.

Don't get me wrong, Luke and Calum were great too, but with Michael, It was different. It was so so different.

But he didn't feel the same about me. He couldn't have. 

Michael didn't like me. 

Mazy was gone. 

Mum and dad had lost interest in what I was doing with my life. 

Everthing was just so wrong. And I hated everything about my past with Mazy. 

But I hid it from Onyx and the boys. And I have been hiding it for the past seven years.

Okay guys, Hey! I know this is my 3rd current Fanfic. I was going to wait until after Watercolors was done to post this. But i just couldn't. I was too excited! So as you know this is called Broken Diary and it's a 5sos fanfic! I hope you guys read and like it :) SVEG