Pale fingertips drift across her warm pink-tinted cheek. Dark lashes casting shadows across her face as she sleeps in content. Her slim fingers grip mine tightly as she shuffles closer to me in her sleep. I shouldn't have came here, I should have ne...
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If there is one thing I've always been told. Is that with time, broken hearts heal. I was first told this when I had my first fight with Connor. We were six and he somehow managed to get dirt on my favorite stuffed horse. I was so mad at him that I yelled some things I didn't mean. It was with tears in my eyes, dripping across my pink tinted apple shaped cheeks that my mother crouched down next to me and offered that advice.
The other time I can most remember was the day my father died. I was wearing a black dress, feeling the wetness of long shredded tears cool in the air as I blankly stared ahead. The message of: my father's gone. Playing on repeat on my mind like a broken record, did one of the older woman from town held my arm in her boney pale hand and tell me she was sorry. And with her stale peppermint breath wafting in my nose did she repeat those words; with time, your heart will heal.
And now, all I can really say about those words, what I want to say to who ever came up with the phrase in the first place;
They can go screw themselves.
It's not that I am saying time doesn't heal wounds. But in my situation, its accepting that what's happened has indeed happened, and that moving forward is my only way to survive it. No matter the time, a pain will always linger. It's never gone, it may have some scars there now. I know that this type of pain is not a typical heartbreak, it's something I will suffer with for the rest of my life. Because for people in my situation, they still hurt even if time begins to pass, for the heart will miss whatever it was that hurt them in the first place.
It has been several months, summer seemed to pass quickly to fall. The warmth of the constant sun seeped into leaves changing on large maple trees. The landscape washed with colors that so painfully reminded me of the year before, the year I fell in love.Nearly halfway through my freshman year, and the pain of our goodbye is just as fresh as it was the day it happened.
Currently, it was October 31st. My brithday. My 19th birthday. This birthday meant a lot to me. It was a reminder of everything I have both gained and lost.
Staring down at my pale fingers, the normal pink hue hidden as the cold of the air constricts the vessels. Flexing them, I look over the oval white ends of my nails. Having recently gotten a manicure at the behest of my new roommate. I went with a simple French manicure that made the nail shiny yet simple.
Looking up, I trail my eyes among the people walking about as I wait. Leaning against the cold metal of a lamp, I watch the white wisps of air escaping my mouth. Connor texted me to wait for him outside his Chem lab. He apparently has big plans for my birthday tonight, despite the fact it was a school night.
Looking back down at the surface of my phone, I check the time once again to see that he should be out in five more minutes. Eventually the screen turns black and I can see my reflection in its square screen. I look different compared to the year before. My brown hair was cut so it hung loosely around my shoulders. My skin seemed to be paler than it was before, the baby fat that rested in my cheeks seemed to have melted away. Leaving stronger cheek bones and more of a point to my chin then before. The only thing that was the same were my eyes. They were still the same hazel eyes I've looked at in the mirror since I was little. Except now, they seemed to hold the pain I always tried to bury deep within my heart.
Breathing again, I nearly jump out of my skin by a warm arm curling around my shoulders. Looking up, I instantly smile at who was able to scare me so badly.
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"The heck Cole?" I laugh as I slap his arm. Seeing behind his shoulder, Connor is walking with his girlfriend Jasmine. She was one of the first girls who didn't take Connor's brains for granted. They were partners for a group project and she decided to take the lead. Refusing to depend on Connor unlike most of the girls from our high school who only used him for his homework.
Cole on the other hand, he became friends with us the last day of summer. He is a freshman like the rest of us and was Connor's roommate in the Male dorm he ended up in. Cole was lost trying to find his room and stumbled upon us in a very intense game of snap. We were arguing over whose card came up first when he entered the room. Instead of running away like most would in the situation, he instead allowed a smirk to grace his lips as he let's out the unlce-est of jokes.
Why is everyone so snappy?
Since that day, Cole has been apart of our small unit of friends. A timing I never knew I needed as he was also the one who kept me from sinking to the bottom. For he is one the few able to hold out a hand and pull me back up. And his smile, made me think of summer days.
"Sheesh! Ow! I'm sorry!" I keep snacking his arm as we begin to walk to the cafeteria for an early dinner. "El! I'm sorry." He grabs my hands to stop me from hitting him. His grin showed he wasn't really all that sorry.
Raising an eyebrow, I begin to try to wiggle out of his grip to hit him again. He sees that and instantly moves to clamp on my arms. A silent battle begins until an annoyed voice interrupts us.
"Oi, lovebirds! Let's go, we're a wasting daylight here!" Rolling my eyes at Connor's obnoxious response. I finally relent my hitting and we both catch up to the other two.
Wrapping my arm around Jasmine's, I look at her quizzically as Connor and Cole begin to discuss the homework assigned by their professor.
"So what does my crazy best friend have planned for tonight?"
Instead of replying right away, jasmine just grins wide as a twinkle enters her brown eyes.
"Crazy would be a way to describe tonight."
Hello my loves! Hope you all are having an super awesome day!
