We Got You

I'm Always Worried

Emily had left the room to talk to Paige when she called to tell her that everything was going to be fine. She told her about the moment with Spencer which was hard, but they got through it and Paige reassured her that even if it wasnt okay now it will be in the future. Emily talked with Paige about their future for awhile,  then she hung up her phone and walked back into the living room.

She saw Spencer asleep on the couch, her head on Aria's lap, and smiled. She saw Aria reading a book by the fire, but she didn't see Hanna.

"Where's Han?" She whispered.

Aria glanced up. "I don't know. She was sitting in the chair a minute ago."

"I'll find her. Don't wake Spence. She needs to rest." Emily told Aria seeing that Aria was about to get up.

Aria nodded and leaned back on the couch to go back to reading her book.

Emily walked through the kitchen and out the back porch down to the dock.

"Hanna?" She saw someone sitting on the edge of the dock and she hoped it was Hanna. She felt scared when there was no answer and wished she had brought a weapon with her in case it was Mona or Caleb. "Hanna?" She called louder and the blonde turned to look at her making her sigh in relief, but when Hanna stood she stumbled and Emily's relief was gone, replaced by worry. "Geez, Hanna."

"Em- Hey, I'm f-fine. I was comin back in.. in like a minute." Hanna slurred.

Emily walked closer until she could reach out to steady her best friend. "Why are you drunk? Why wouldn't you just talk to us instead of coming outside and getting drunk?"

Hanna scoffed. "Because Spencer is hanging by a thread right now and Aria is.. she has Ezra's baby daddy issues to deal with and whatever is going on with her and Jason."

"What about me? Why didn't you talk to me?" Emily said helping Hanna walk over to the stairs of the back porch and sit down. "Why wouldn't you come to me, Han? I was here."

Hanna sighed. "I didn't want you to worry about me. You're already worried about Spencer and Toby and Aria and your mom, and it can't be easy finding out your girlfriend used to have the same problem as Spencer so you're probably worried her too. I just wanted to be the one thing you didnt have to worry about. I wanted to be strong, but I'm weak, and I didn't want you guys to see me being weak."

Emily sighed and sat down beside her. "Han, I'm always worried. About my family, my friends, Paige, school.. I just worry, it's who I am, but if you don't want me to worry then talk to me. You're right, we have alot to deal with, with Spencer, right now, but that's because she doesn't talk to us. You can't be like Han, we don't need two of right now, one of you has to talk when you're feeling upset. So talk to me. Please, Hanna. Talk to me."

"I just can't believe it was Caleb." She let the tears she's been trying to hold back fall. Emily put her arm around her. Hanna sniffed. "I can't believe Spencer got so bad and never told us and we never noticed." Hanna put her head on Emily's shoulder and Emily rested her head against Hanna's. "I can't believe Mona still hates us, hates me, so much that she wants us to suffer for the rest of our lives. I can't believe Caleb loves Mona." She took a deep breath. "I can't believe this is our lives, but it's more like I can, but I just don't want to, when I'm drunk it all just seems like a bad dream and I'll wake up, in Caleb's arms." She started sobbing. "And he'll tell me that -A is gone and Mona is better and Spencer isn't on drugs or trying to kill herself and everything will just be okay."

"I know. I wish it was all a bad dream too, but it's not. We can get through this Hanna. Everything we have been through, we can get through this too."

"It doesnt feel like it." Hanna let more tears slip down her cheeks. "Every bad thing that has happened, every death, every bit of pain was all inflicted by Mona and we could deal with it, but Spencer's is self-inflicted. How do we deal with that? I can handle someone trying to kill us, but I can't handle Spencer trying to kill herself. We can't run from that or hide or fight it away. It's something inside of her that we can't save and she doesn't want to save herself."

Emily sighed, her own eyes watering. "We can be there for her, always, just like we are here for you. Spencer won't take her own life if we remind her why her life is worth living. Us and Toby and her family. She has a lot to live for, we just have to remind her. But you can't do that drunk, so let's go inside and you can sleep it off." She helped Hanna stand and walk back into the cabin. "Spencer's asleep so try to be quiet." She whispered to her.

"You found her. Hanna, are you ok- are you drunk?" Aria whispered watching Hanna stumble with Emily over to their other friends. "Han.."

"It's okay. I talked to her. She's gonna sleep it off and not drink anymore." Emily whispered with a stern tone helping Hanna down onto the sofa.

"Uhh, Nope." Hanna moaned rolling off the sofa and onto the floor with a loud thud. "Oww." She groaned.

"Hanna!" Emily yelled as quiet as she could. "Are you okay?!" She rushed over to help Hanna sit up. "Hanna?"

"Nope. No Nana's sofa. Caleb." Hanna slurred out shaking her head.

"What?" Emily asked confused.

"Caleb and Hanna were fraternizing on my Nana's sofa. Is she drunk?" Spencer piped up from Aria's lap.

"I'm taking care of her, go back to sleep, you need to rest." Emily stated.

Spencer sat up anyway. "I'm fine. Is she okay?" She moved off the couch. "Here, put her on the couch, I don't think her and Caleb were on it."

Emily sighed and moved Hanna to the couch with Aria's help since Aria could finally move. They got Hanna settled in and turned their attention to Spencer. She gave them a look.

"What?" She snapped.

"Well you two clearly can't be left alone right now so we are officially going back to babying both of you. Go back to sleep." Aria said crossing her arms over her chest. "On the sofa."

Spencer rolled her eyes and scoffed. "I'm not a child. I don't need to sleep."

"Spencer, get some rest." Emily said while fixing a blanket over Hanna.

"Sofa. Now." Aria gave her look that told her she wouldn't back down so Spencer begrudgingly went over to her Nana's sofa and laid down.

"I'll lay here, but I am not going to sleep." She said stubbornly.

Emily rolled her eyes and drapped a blanket over Spencer. "Whatever you say." She said knowing that Spencer would fall back asleep eventually.

Aria sat on the pillows by the fire and went back to reading her book. Emily sat down across from her opening her own book to read. "I feel like we're babysitting and we finally got the out of control kids to take a nap."

Emily chuckled. "Yeah."

"I am not a child." Spencer snapped.

"I like naps." Hanna slurred out.