We Got You

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

A week had gone by and even though Spencer was still alive they all knew she wasn't really getting any better.

Hanna was going through something now too, she refused to call it a break up, she just said it was something.

They took a weird, but much needed, trip to Spencer's lake house. It was only weird because instead of it being as fun and relaxing as it usually was this time it was quiet and stressful. It didn't seem stressful, but it was.

Emily and Aria were watching both Spencer and Hanna like hawks. Even though Hanna repeatedly told them to worry about Spencer, not her. Hanna was getting annoyed quickly and Spencer was being stubborn the whole time, insisting that she was fine and they were hovering too much.

Spencer was quietly reading with Aria by the fire place while Hanna flipped through a magazine and Emily made some hot tea for her best friends.

She came over and sat the cups down on the table. "I made some tea."

Spencer glanced up from her book. "I wanted coffee." She stated.

Emily sighed. "No. You don't need to be strung out on anything anymore. You've been clean for a week and we're very proud of you." She smiled.

Spencer put down her book and rolled her eyes. "Coffee isn't the same thing as drugs. I'm making coffee."

"Spence, just drink tea. It still has caffeine in it." Aria reasoned.

"It's not strong enough."

"It doesn't have to be, we're just having a calm getaway together."

"Just let her have coffee." Hanna snapped at them. "This babying thing you two are doing is getting annoying. We get it, Spencer is one cut or one pill bottle away from dying and the guy I thought would love me forever didn't love me at all so you're afriad I'll break, but you two worrying all the time isn't helping!" She yelled. "You are just stressing yourselves out and stressing us out and in case you didn't notice Spencer and stress goes together like a criminal and a gun, it's a bad combo!" Hanna went over to the kitchen to put on a dark roast.

"Han, we're just worried." Emily said.

Hanna sighed. "Well don't. We're okay. Spencer is doing better and I'm getting by, but you two waiting for something bad to happen is like your welcoming it. You're expecting it. Can't we just pretend, just for this weekend, that we are all okay."

Spencer walked over to Hanna and took the mug of coffee she was holding out. She sipped it and sighed. "I'm okay now." She said happily.

Hanna laughed. "See?! We're okay!"

Aria and Emily looked at each other then they both sighed together.

"Okay, fine, one weekend, we can worry less." Emily agreed.

"We won't baby you guys or hover anymore. We're sorry." Aria said.

Hanna and Spencer smiled at each other then they smiled at their two friends and went back over.

Their plan to act like everything was okay didn't last very long. Only about an hour or two. They were laughing like they used to, joking like they always did, and having a good time.

Aria got up and walked over to the kitchen. "I'm getting kinda hungry." She opened a cupboard, but didn't see anything she liked so she went over to the drawers to see if there was some popcorn or something. "Spence where's your-" She stopped when something caught her eye.

"Where's my what?" Spencer laughed looking over. She saw the drawer Aria was looking in and her smile fell.

"Aria don't!" Spencer yelled rushing over to shut the drawer Aria was in.

Emily got worried and stood to see what was going on. Hanna stood too.

"Spencer, what was that?"

"It's nothing."

Aria crossed her arms over her chest and gave her best friend a stern look.

"That was not nothing." She tried move Spencer out of the way, but she stood firm. "Spencer, seriously, move."

"It's nothing. What happened to not hovering anymore?" She snapped.

"Let me see what you're hiding."

"I'm not hiding anything, just stay out of the drawer. It's none of your business!" Spencer yelled at her.

With that Hanna and Emily walked over and pulled Spencer away from the drawer despite her protesting and squirming to get away from them.

Aria pulled open the drawer expecting to see drugs, but all she saw was papers. "You're hiding papers?" She asked picking them up. "Why?"

"That's none of your business! Put those back and let me go!"

As Aria was flipping through the papers something fell out and clanged to the floor. "These papers are blank, why hide them?" She stated.

"Aria." Hanna got her attention and looked down at the floor.

Aria followed her eyes. She bent down to pick it up. "Y-You're not hiding papers. You were hiding this." She lifted it up and put it on the counter.

"Let me go and put that back!" Spencer struggled to escape Hanna and Emily's grips. "It's not as bad as you think! It's been here! I just didn't get rid of it yet!" She yelled out.

Aria nodded. "Okay. So now's your chance. Get rid of it, Spencer."

"No!"

"No? Spencer-" Hanna started.

"No! I don't want to look at it or touch it! If I do I'll use it! Is that what you want?!" She shouted at them.

"No! Of course not!" Emily yelled.

"Just put it back and forget about it! I did until you reached for the drawer!"

"Okay, then I'll throw it out." Aria said picking it up from the counter.

"No!" Spencer started shaking, her breathing was rapid, her hands and her legs. "Please.. Please don't."

Hanna let her go and Emily put her arms around her slowly lowering her to the floor. Hanna walked over to Aria and took the blade from her.

"Let's just put it back." Hanna said walking over to place it back in the drawer underneath the blank papers.

Emily held Spencer close. "Spence, it's okay, Hanna put it back. Calm down. It's okay. Just breathe, okay, breathe."

Aria sat down beside them and put her hand on Spencer's shaking back. "I'm sorry, Spencer. It's okay."

Hanna looked over at Spencer then she looked back at the drawer. She slowly reached under the papers and pulled out the blade, then she threw it in the trash before sitting down with her friends on the kitchen floor.

"Spence." She rubbed her arm. "No. You can't hurt yourself. We're right here. We're always here." She bit her lip. "You have to let your attachment to what hurts you go. Just like I had to let go of Caleb. Toxic things have to go, you can't hold onto them."

"I can't- I can't- I don't want to-" Spencer sobbed in Emily's arms.

"You can and you have to. Just say it. Say 'Hanna, throw out the blade."

Spencer shook her head.

"You can. Just say it. Just say those words and everything will get better."

Spencer gulped. "Hanna-" She choked out. "Hanna, throw.. out.. the b-blade."

Hanna moved Spencer's chin to make Spencer look at her. "I already did." She gave her a small weak smile.

Spencer sighed in relief. "Thank you."

Hanna nodded. "I love you, Spencer. We all do. You can't leave us, okay?"

Spencer took a shaky breath and nodded. "Okay. I-I'm sorry, Aria."

"It's okay. I pushed too hard. I'm sorry." Aria said resting her head on Spencer's back. She wrapped her small arms around her to hug her from behind and met Emily's arms.

Hanna threw her arms around her best friends to complete their group hug. "Now I'm really hungry." She said making them all laugh, even Spencer.