living a lie | park jisung

continued

   Jisung went to find Donghyuck. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't even form thoughts, he just knew he needed to talk to someone, someone who could understand.

   He feels disgusted with himself and confused. Chenle obviously wasn't looking at his lips. Chenle didn't like guys. Even if he did why would he be into him? He shouldn't even think that, his mind is making him hope that someone else was like him, wasn't Donghyuck enough? God, that whole situation was just awkward, but not in a bad way. Jisung didn't understand, at the time it wasn't awkward, but now that he's thinking about it, it feels pretty awkward.

   He first went to check Donghyuck's room. When he found Donghyuck laying in his bed he went over to him. "Hyuck can we talk?" Jisung asked. "It's hyung, and sure, talk to me." Donghyuck said while closing his book, then sitting up to look directly at Jisung.

   Jisung looked around the room awkwardly. "Umm not...here." he said quietly. Donghyuck look at him confused. He looked at him for a moment before everything clicked in his head. "Ohhh." Donghyuck said, seeming to understand what topic Jisung wanted to talk about, and why he couldn't talk about it when all their friends are in rooms next to them.

   "Come on." Donghyuck said walking over to the door. Jisung followed as they walked out into the hall connected to the living room where everyone else was. "Where are you guys going? We're gonna go to dance practice in an hour." Mark said, when they were both at the door. "We're going early." Donghyuck answered.

   "Why?" Mark asked. "Oh my god you're always up my ass about everything." Donghyuck complained. "I'm just trying to make sure you guys aren't overworking yourselves." Mark said, his eyes squinted in annoyance.

   "Well we aren't. You would never understand, because you don't know what it's like to be the two most talented people in the group!" Donghyuck said, his dramatic tone extremely obvious.

   "Oh my god just get out of here." Mark said while laughing. Donghyuck smiles before him and Jisung walk out to go to the dance practice room, to talk.

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   "So what is it you gotta talk to me about." Donghyuck asked, already changed into comfortable clothes. They both sat on the floor of the room. "I like Chenle." Jisung grumbles out annoyed. Donghyuck looks at him in shock. "Really?" Jisung nods.

   "I take it that you're...not happy that you do?" Donghyuck asked hesitantly. "Well yeah. It's weird, I don't want to like my best friend."

   "It's not weird Jisung." Donghyuck says, with a small smile on his face. Jisung didn't get why Donghyuck was lying to him. Of course it was weird. Chenle and his relationship isn't supposed to be like that. They're only supposed to be best friends. But of course Jisung had to be gay, and start to like him. If Chenle ever found out he'd find it weird. He'd be grossed out.

   "But hyung it is. It's gross, the feelings are weird and it's weird that I feel that for Chenle. He'd be grossed out by me." Jisung explained. Jisung looked down at his hands sadly. The more he talked about it, the more he felt himself getting upset.

   Donghyuck's eyes softened looking at Jisung's hurt state. "You're feelings aren't gross Jisung, and neither are you. They're normal. You're normal, not weird. It's definitely a tricky situation. You won't know the outcome and that's fine. So don't assume Chenle will hate you because you have a crush on him. You're gay Jisung, and you'll still get crushes like anyone else, fall in love like anyone else. You don't have to feel disgusted with yourself for normal things everyone else goes through."

   Donghyuck was holding Jisung's hands in his own. To help comfort him, and to help him feel how serious he was about what he said. Jisung's eyes were wide, he felt overwhelmed. He didn't expect for Donghyuck to say something like that. Just something so comforting. Jisung couldn't stop himself from crying.

   Jisung took his hands out of Donghyuck's and covered his eyes with them. His tears spilling faster and faster as a couple seconds went by. "Hey, why are you crying?" Donghyuck said in a panicked, but hushed tone. "I-I don't know." Jisung sobbed out as Donghyuck hugged him. "I guess what you said really got to me." Jisung said, in a joking tone. He tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a sob instead, so it just sounded weird.

   "Do you agree with what I said? It's alright to have feelings for Chenle, whether they fade away or grow into something more, it's alright." Donghyuck said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

   "Yeah, thanks." Jisung said while hugging Donghyuck back.