living a lie | park jisung

2 months later

   Jisung and Chenle were alone in Jisung's room. All the other dream members were busy recording. They we're laying at the opposite ends of his bed, with Jisung kicking Chenle's foot sometimes to annoy him.

   Both were just doing their own thing on their phones. Jisung notices from the corner of his eye, Chenle putting his phone down and staring at the ceiling. He chooses to ignore it and continues the video on his phone.

   "Um, Jisung?" Chenle's voice oddly sounded nervous. Jisung immediately peaked up at this. He shut his phone off and sat up, to look directly at Chenle. "We can talk about anything right?" He asked.

   "Yeah." Jisung said while nodding. He was confused and also nervous for what Chenle was trying to talk to him about. That he needed reassurance.

   "Have you," Chenle was playing with the hem of his sleeve, looking away from Jisung. He continued.

   "been like, confused about your sexuality?"

   Jisung's breath caught in his throat. Does he answer truthfully? Does he lie? But Chenle wanted to have a serious conversation. He had to tell the truth.

   "Yeah, but now i'm sure of it." Jisung answered, his heart racing. Chenle looked up at Jisung from that, a surprised look in his eyes. Chenle opened his mouth to say something, but instead pressed it into a tight line. Jisung felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. Because he knows what Chenle is wondering. But it's so hard for him to say. But he wants to be able to just come out, he knows he can do it.

   "I'm gay."

   "O-oh."

   "Are you not okay with it?"

   "No i'm okay with it!" Chenle says, while waving his hands frantically. "How'd you know?"

   "Umm, I guess I just always had a feeling. I've never liked girls. I didn't realize it now until recently but i've had a few crushes on guys back then. I just kind of knew because I felt feelings for boys, the feelings other boys would talk about that they felt for girls."

   Chenle nodded along, deep in thought.

   "I know I like girls. I mean i've dated some, even kissed a couple. But I feel things for guys too, I think." Chenle was red from embarrassment. Jisung couldn't help the frown he made, he didn't want Chenle to be embarrassed.

   "So, bisexual?"

   "Yeah maybe."

   They sat in an awkward silence for a moment. Jisung didn't really know what to say now. But Chenle spoke up before he could think about it more.

   "Could you maybe...um—shit this is weird never mind." Chenle said with a small laugh looking away.

   "Just ask me." Jisung said.

   "Could we...kiss? I feel like if I kissed another guy it could help me sort out stuff. And i'm asking you because I trust you the most. I was scared the others would judge me or something. I get it if you don't wanna do it though."

   Jisung knows he shouldn't do it. He likes Chenle, way more than he should. He's spent months thinking about kissing Chenle. But never doing it of course, because it'd cross that line he's not supposed to cross. But Chenle needed help. Jisung knew how it felt to be so confused on your sexuality. It sucked and if Jisung could speed that process of Chenle figuring out who he is, then he will.

   "I'll kiss you."

   This is a stupid idea. You haven't even kissed someone before.

   Jisung knew he should probably tell Chenle that.

  "But I haven't kissed anyone before." Jisung said awkwardly. Chenle only let out a small oh. Both of them were blushing, not knowing what to do. But Chenle scooted up on the bed, so he was sitting right in front of Jisung. Jisung didn't know his face could get more red. Jisung was nervous, but he felt relaxed when he noticed Chenle was nervous too. It was new for the both of them.

   "J-just follow my lead." Chenle said while resting his hand on Jisung's cheek. He nodded, his eyes stuck on the others lips. Chenle's hand slipped to the back of Jisung's neck, and pulled him closer, till their lips were touching.

   Jisung's eyes widened, from feeling Chenle's soft lips against his. He closed his eyes quickly, not wanting to look stupid. Jisung had this giddy feeling in his stomach.

   The angle was a little awkward, until Chenle turned his head, which Jisung followed. Everything was so much better. Chenle tightened his grip on the back of Jisung's neck and brought him even closer. The older started moving, and Jisung started to understand what was so great about kissing.

   Jisung moves too, slowly though, making sure he wasn't rushing and messing up. Jisung knows his feelings for Chenle just skyrocketed. But he can't bring himself to care at the moment. With Chenle's lips moving against his, Jisung started to feel a little more confident, like he was getting the hang of it. He rested his hands on Chenle's waist. Then brought his body closer.

   He felt something swipe across his bottom lip. He couldn't tell what it was at first, but realized in a couple seconds.

   Oh.

   Chenle pulled away for air quickly, before coming back in and biting Jisung's lower lip, causing him to gasp and tighten his grip on his hips. Chenle's tongue slips inside Jisung's mouth.

   We're going too far.

   God, he knew this. It was only supposed to be a simple kiss. It wasn't supposed to be, like this. This passionate or fast. But Jisung couldn't pull away. He just wanted more.

   They made out more, bodies close to each other, and panting for air. They both slowly pulled away, a string of saliva connected their lips. When Jisung pulled away more he took a look at Chenle.

   His eyes were half lidded, and his cheeks were flushed. His lips were red and plump, a shine to them. He looked hot.

   They looked at each other for a moment, before Chenle's face flared up in horror.

   Oh god I fucked up.

   Jisung couldn't help the scared expression that made its way on his face. Chenle looked horrified, because of him. He went way too far. Jisung ran out of the room, not wanting Chenle to see the tears building up in his eyes.

   "Sungie wait! I'm sorry!" Chenle yelled after him. But Jisung was already gone.