Send a Prayer Up Above

Chapter 16

"That's disgusting," Kylo said as I was sitting on the floor again, mid-bite of the sandwich he had made me drop onto the floor earlier. But I didn't miss the smile he tried to hide.

"It would be extremely wasteful to throw away a perfectly good sandwich." I retorted, while mouth full of – perfectly good – food. "Besides, your floors are probably cleaner than most restaurant tables."

"That's probably true." He conceded. Then his shoulders tensed and he shifted the weight on his legs.

"What?" I asked.

He ran a hand through his black strands. "You should probably start getting ready. I put the dress on the bed."

I swallowed. "Right."

After a moment of him staring at me, Kylo walked over and squatted in front of me. He brushed some food off with his fingers from my cheeks and then said, "It's important to me that you know I fought this."

I nodded. After our kiss, I knew there was a part in him that wasn't swallowed in the darkness. I could bring him back, I knew it. I just wasn't sure how yet.

He handed me something flesh colored and small, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. "Here. I'll break into the room if anything goes too far."

I put rest of the sandwich down on my lap and brushed my hands on my pants. His words did reassure me a bit, I wasn't exactly familiar with all of this. I was to play a prostitute and get Dominic to invite me up to his hotel room. I didn't even know how to flirt, and I certainly never thought I was hot hot. Like the girls in magazines. But it's not like I had a lot of time to contemplate how I looked anyway, it was more important to plan how to get my next meal.

I took the small thing into my hand. "What is it?"

"It's an earpiece. I'll hear you and you'll hear me."

"Is Hux allowing this?"

"Hux doesn't know," Kylo said and he had a sneaky look in his eyes.

"Oh," I replied. "Wouldn't the whole mission be ruined though? If you barged into the hotel room?"

With a steady voice and serious eyes he answered, "yes."

I nodded and closed the little thing into my fist. He was willing to do that for me. I'd do this for him. I got up to get ready, to put on the extravagant yet simple black underwear, slipped into the red-bloom dress and parted my hair from the side, hiding the earpiece. I did my makeup heavier again, trying to make myself into a character, into a different version of me in another universe, where I tempted men into their downfalls. Someone who was dangerous, and not just a survivor. I finished the look with a blood red lipstick that I used at my graduation the last time.

After all the armor, I stepped back in his bathroom and looked at my mirror image. It told a story of a different woman and I nodded to the image, it nodding back to me approvingly. I was ready, just one finishing touch. I slid on the thigh holster with the knife. As if I was a bride with a deadly secret.

Now, I was ready. I walked into the living room and Kylo stilled his back and forward pacing. He released a breath and let his eyes travel on me. A flush of heat appeared on my cheeks again, but this time I knew my makeup covered it. I had caked enough to hide my freckles.

Kylo walked in front of me and hovered above me, carefully stroking my hair, rubbing the strands between his fingers. Checking the earpiece. His hands were on my waist then pulling me flush against him and I let him. His hand dipped, and he bent toward me a bit as his hand traveled down on my leg, under the short hem of my dress, and I felt his fingers running along the edge of the knife holster.

"Clever girl." He whispered and let go of the band, smoothing my dress over it.

He gripped my hair and tilted my head up toward his. "And you remember how to use it?"

"Under the lowest rib, straight up. From the front, avoid breastbone."

He smiled then, for the first time, he smiled a full smile and stroked my cheek. "Deadly girl."

"You're corrupting me," I said, but his smile was contagious, and it was so easy to be with him again, like before. Too easy. I tried hard to remember why I should hate him, tried to summon the anger but it remained gone. Like it was never there.

He dipped his head and captured my lips in a kiss, then breathing in between it, "I missed you, scavenger." Oh, who was I kidding? I was his again the moment I saw him. My heart was always his. So I replied his kiss. And as his lips felt soft and sincere against mine, a change in his usual fiery self, I thought perhaps I should seize this moment of truthfulness.

"Kylo," I started, flicking my eyes at his with the hope that the newfound honesty was still present between us. "My tattoo, what does it mean?"

I saw his Adam's apple dip. He dropped his hands off me and thought for a moment, perhaps weighing the pros and cons of telling me either the truth or a lie.

"It means you're in." He answered.

"I know it means more than that."

An uncertain pause again.

"For life," he finally replied quietly. "You're in for life."

Only one word amidst the riot of them came out, clear as day. "Why?"

He breathed out, anxiously fidgeting his fingers,"I was selfish. I didn't want to let you go."

"And what about now?" I asked, not sure whether to punch him or kiss him. The wrinkle between his dark brows and the slight pout of his lips made me think of a puppy who knows he did wrong. But I also knew I deserved answers, and I was only now starting to get them.

He lifted his emerald gaze to me, along with his hand, reaching to stroke the bite on my neck. "I still want to keep you."

"I don't want to be kept, Kylo," I said softly. "I want to choose to be with you."

Kylo tightened his lips. "And would you? Choose me?"

Now I swallowed. Would I? The cracks of light were there, barely visible in the darkness but there. And they kept growing but he was still Kylo. Could I choose him?

"I don't know," I said honestly, softly. "But I would like the choice."

"I can't give you that."

"You can't or you won't?"

"Both."

I gritted my teeth. Still so much darkness. I would work on it, devotedly like a mother to a sick child. I would force the cracks wide open like I had forced him to keep the curtains away from the windows. I knew how to wait, perhaps better than anyone.