SAVE [UPDATED]

21: GØNER

A/N Please listen to the music when you start to read this chapter. It'll help set the atmosphere.

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Bingo.

I grabbed the razor and took a deep breath in. I stayed quiet, only for a moment, hoping, praying that it was over.

"Go to hell!"
"This is all your fault!"
"Fuck off!"
"I'm never talking to you again!"
"Leave before I call the cops!"

The sobs stopped. It was just emptiness. The familiar feeling of being hopeless arose in my chest and I felt hollow.
I can't do this anymore. The memories from the past swelled up in my brain and burst. The attempt. The bullying. The cheating. It all must be because something is wrong with me.

This happened because something is wrong with me.
I scream and punched a hole through the bathroom door, then opened it and walked out. I put on my shoes, a jacket, and grabbed the keys off the counter. I ran into the garage and found this weird hose/tube piping as well as a thick roll of duct tape. I took it and went out front to find the few still fighting. I passed them and got into the car.

"Tyler? Tyler! Where are you going?!" Josh yelled. The others looked at me. Only Josh and Frank seemed able to detach themselves from the fight fully while Brendon and Gerard were still heated.

I ignored them, locked the door, and started the car. I drove off, their voices getting more and more distant.

This is it. I'm going to do it. It's better off this way.

I arrived at this park and stayed in the lot for a few minutes, staying in the warm car.

I began to sing a tune to myself, making rows of red lines.

I'm a goner

Somebody catch my breath

I'm a goner

Somebody catch my breath

I stopped singing but the words kept playing in my head. I stepped out of the warm car and out into the night, around to the back of the car. I could hear the engine clearly and the lights shined into the distance.

I wanna be known

By you

I wrapped the piping around the car exhaust and stuck it in the window of my car, taping every crack and crevice.

I wanna be known

By you

I get back in the car, and turn on the radio. I lay there, warm and comfortable, humming along to the tunes of whatever was playing. I leaned back and looked through the skylight. The stars shined brighter than usual, and the sky was clear.

What a beautiful last view.

Josh's POV

"Something isn't right with Tyler. He hasn't been back in twenty minutes. I thought maybe he just walked off to get away from us but now I'm worried. We have to follow him, he was carrying something Frank!" I turned to him in desperation.

"Okay, I'll drive us, I'm the most sober of all of you, and I know this is bad but I have driven tipsy before and I can feel the alcohol wearing off. I saw him head down the road and turn left, do you know where he could've gone?" Frank said.

Though I'm weak

And beaten down

"He's either at the bridge or at the park next to it. I always took him to the park. He hates driving so he couldn't have gone far." I said.

We frantically get our things together and get in the car.

I'll slip away

"He has to be okay. This is all my fault. I didn't stop fighting, I should've helped him." The tears came out as the quiet car ride became loud with a speeding engine.

Into the sound

I remember thinking back to all the good times qe've had. It can't be over. I can't lose him. His cute smile, the way he moves when he laughs, the way he shakes when he sings. He's perfect.
We arrive at the bridge.

Nothing.

We speed to the nearby park and find our car parked haphazardly in the middle with the lights on.

"Oh thank god he's here!"

The ghost of you

We park and run towards the car and notice something is wrong.
The inside of the car is all fogged up.

Is close to me

I run to open the car door.
Everything was in slow motion. We all tried unlocking the doors to no avail.
Frank finds a rock and comes over to the drivers side, bashing in the glass. I quickly unlock the door, cutting my arm in the process and opening the door. I pull Tyler put quickly, coughing the gas that made me feel light headed. Frank breathed in too much at once and passed out, hitting his head on the concrete.
Brendon turned off the car and Gerard took out the tube, then they rushed to Frank.

I'm inside out

"Tyler?!" I tell, pulling him into my lap, holding him. He feels cold and looks pale. His arms are bloody and he won't blink. I shake him, hoping, praying for a sign of life. The beautiful, gorgeous life that was with me less than an hour ago.

You're underneath

I lay him down on the concrete, pumping up and down on his chest, pinching his nose and breathing into him. I try this for about five minutes, hysterically crying, looking at the sad look the other three were giving me.

"COME ON!!"

"COME ON!! JUST FUCKING WAKE UP!!"

I blew air into him again, continuing to pump his chest.

"WAKE UP AGAIN! I CAN'T LOSE YOU, YOU'RE ALL I HAVE! PLEASE!!"

I keep pumping his chest until I got too tired, and Gerard come next to me, grabbing my hand.

"J-josh.." he whispered, tears in his eyes.

"I-if you keep doing that you'll break his ribs."
I looked down at the lifeless body in front of me. No pulse. No breathing. No blinking. Nothing. Just mass. I pulled him into my arms, screaming.

"Ty, baby, don't leave me like this!"

Sobbing. Praying to a god that I now doubt.

"Please!!"

I hear sirens in the distance, coming our way.

"Please......"

Don't let me be gone.