SAVE [UPDATED]

15: Discharge

Tyler's POV

I spent at least another week at the hospital and was finally discharged. They wouldn't let me leave until I signed a paper saying that I'd at least attend an outpatient program for two weeks and go to a therapist weekly for 8 weeks.

Luckily for me, the two weeks flew by, and my therapist seems very sweet. Joshua took care of me and I now live with him.

But today is the day I finally go back to school since I finished my outpatient program. I'm so nervous, the only reason why I'm not having a panic attack right now is because of my meds.

I turn onto my side and check the clock.
5:54 AM

I have at least 45 more minutes until I have to get up, but I've been awake since 4:00 AM tossing and turning.

I decided to get up and get ready early, since I probably won't be able to sleep anytime soon. Black skinny jeans, some thrift store T-shirt, and a tan hoodie. I grab my socks and wait for time to fly by as I rest back into the warm sheets.

I double check that everything is in my backpack, and I run downstairs to start a pot of coffee for Josh. As I do, I feel a warm motion around my waist as Josh rests his head on my shoulder.

"Ugghh...why do you have to go to school today..." He groans.
"Because I need to graduate? Sorry if I woke you up babe, I know you had this week off." I turn around and give him a peck on the lips.

Josh graduated early due to his good grades and amount of credits, so now he works with a lumber/construction company. It's mostly just heavy lifting, but that tired him out really fast.

"Are you gonna be okay at school today?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just two more weeks until I'm done." I sigh. It's going to be awkward and tough, but I'll get through it. I had all of my homework sent to me online so that I could finish it once I was finally able to go to school.

"Okay... Just please, promise me you'll call if anything happens?" He gives me a worried glance. Those puppy dog eyes are irresistible.
"I promise." And I sealed it with a kiss. I check the time and realized that I outta start leaving. "I gotta go Josh. I love you so much, don't burn the house down while I'm gone."
I chuckle as he gives me an 'I'm-jokingly-super-offended-" look.

I kiss him goodbye and start my journey to school.

--

Once I arrive, I realized how much I missed being...well, anywhere but in my hospital room. I walk in, ignoring every stare and whisper; because I know I have better things to worry about.

They are judging you, Tyler.

They know about what happened, they know what you did.

You're pathetic.

I shook my head to try to get rid of the thoughts, and focused on something else.
The first thing I do is go to the counsellors office. They hired a new counselor since I've been gone and I knew that I would be the first one to be called down today.

"Ah! You must be Tyler, right?"

"Y-yep...that's me."
He smiled and waved towards a comfy chair for me to sit.

We chatted about small things, how my day has been, what this weeks plans are, etc.

"So, I'm sure you're aware that I know about your....incident."
I look at my hands and nod. He sighs.

He hates you. He's judging you. You can't even talk about what you did, how weak are you? How embarrassing.

"Well, we don't have to talk about it until you're comfortable, okay? I'll let you get to class"

He writes me a pass and I'm on my way.
For the rest of the day nothing really happened. I got some weird stares and a couple whispers but nothing out of the ordinary. It's nice.

But...I still felt this urge pumping through me to cut. It got more and more intense the more I ignored it. Mrs. Dun told the school that I could leave early for the first week of school if my anxiety was bad or something, so I walked to the office to sign out.

I felt guilty. But I needed this. It felt like my body was going to explode, like it was filling with air and I needed to release the pressure. It sucks because nothing bad even happened to me; it's just an addiction.

It's gotten to a point where I just HAVE to do it. With or without reason.

I hate my brain. I hate my thoughts.

--

A/N: hello lovelies! I wanted to continue this story but I wasn't sure how, so sorry if it sucks ass. I'm also changing the titles of each chapter possibly because I'm running out of fitting titles lmao