75%

25

Sam led me out of the bunker and helped me up onto the giant concrete block that sat in front of where Baby used to be parked blocking her from view of the road. For a few minutes niether of us said anything, we just sat there swinging our legs and staring at the sky. I wanted to lay my head on his shoulder or at least lace my fingers through his but his expression was hard set and very unwelcoming.

"Samson..." I whispered not wanting to set off the explosion but needing to know what was going on in his mind.

"We don't shoot first and ask later." He spat not even looking at me.

I was quiet for a long time thinking about what he meant. I killed the monster. Why is that bad? That's what we went there to do.

"She was trying to tell us she had changed. She was trying not to kill people." Sam continued, words rolling off his tongue like he had practiced them in his head and needed to get them out before he lost them.

"I thought that's what we went to do... Kill the monster." I defended weakly, looking more for clarification than to defend myself.

"No. Stop her from hurting anyone else. Not kill her unless necessary." Sam said shaking his head and resting his elbows on his knees as he wrung his hands together.

"Sam, I have read your inner monologue, do you really think I believe that is what goes through your head when you pick up a case?" I argued calling him out on his bullshit.

"Only if they are actually killing people!" Sam argued back.

"Damnit Sam! The only reason you are saying this is because its how you justify your shit hole life of hunting other beings with the ability to reason! She had nothing to do with it! She killed eighty six innocent people Sam! She wasn't going to change! Dean was lucky! You're mad that I didn't let her finish her sentence? I'm sorry if I didn't believe a word she said." I yelled hopping off the concrete and spinning to face him mid rant. I can take the criticism and all but his double standards weren't going to fly.

"I've killed innocent people. Fourteen to be exact. Are you going to knife me too?" He said in a level voice full of pain and guilt like none I had ever heard, "You aren't the only one with baggage here Ehvs."

My heart began to crumble at his words and I immediately realized what he was talking about. This wasn't about shooting first and not asking questions, we all knew that bitch was going to kill her way out of that apartment. This was about pasts.

"You were possessed." I whispered taking a step closer to him and resting my hand on his knee.

He shook his head and smiled the bitter smile of a man who couldn't forgive himself, "No, no I remember the 'logic' my mind came up with for every single one. Every single bullet, every single knife, every neck snapped. I did it and no one had to encourage me. So will you off me just as quickly as you did Kristen?" Sam asked.

"No. No, you-"

"Were soulless yeah. I know. But does that excuse my actions?" Sam asked again, the lines in his forehead getting deeper and his eyes making him look even more vulnerable.

"I-"

"It doesn't. But I'm still alive. So tell me how is that fair? I'm not going to live my life in hypocrisy. I don't care if you or Dean think they are lying through their teeth, cover the exits and let them try to convince you then shoot." Sam finished sliding down from the concrete and walking past me into the bunker.

I stood there speechless for a good two or three minutes.

Does he really think he is a monster?